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Parenting

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Original poster

More hitting etc...

17 replies

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 12:51

I am just at a loss as to what to do.

I posted on Friday that i had had a terrible day with dd (2.10) who has started pushing and hitting other children, and it continued today at pre school. i just don't know what to do? and does it stop? and if so when and how?

She lashes out a tiny bit at me, but it is the other children that worries me. For a start she is physically bigger than many her age, and I don't want her thinking this gives her a tight to be a bully.

It started last week (dh is away, might it be related?)

Help, going out of my mind... feel like i have let her down. How crap am i as a mother!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 13:43

bump cos as silly as it sounds it's got me in tears

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 13:46

Has this behaviour only happened since DH has been away ?

Have you tried the "naughty corner" ?? as your DD would be at the age where she should grasp this idea.

What do the nursery say ??

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 13:49

basically only since dh been away, yes. I THINK.

Pre school not very forthcoming, they only told me about last week's incidents when i went up to them today and said we'd had a bit of a problem at the end of last week, so i wanted them to keep their eyes out.

MAybe i'm being pathetic but i am so stressed about it. i have no clue how to deal with it...I don;t want my lovely dd to be a bully or be in trouble.

oh god i'm awful.. cryong my eyes out now.

hate dh ebing away.

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 13:53

This is NORMAL

She is testing the boundaries. The message you have to tell her is that her behaviour is unnaccepatble - still letting you know that you love her.

DO you know how the naughty corner works ?

DOn't worry - she is looking for attention ... perhaps she's worried that you might go away too ?

It's just little minds trying to work out what's going on - and not being mature enough to show her feelings.

She won't be a bully - she's just a bit muddled at the minute.
perhaps a few cuddles will benefit you both

This is early days - it's probably just a blip, rather than a pattern of behaviour.

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 14:03

Rather than worrying about her behaviour - perhaps you can try and reassure her. How's about getting her to make a "welcome Home Daddy" painting - that way she knows that he's coming back and she can look forward to it ...

how long is he away for ?

maybe she picks up that you are missing him too ... perhaps a little chat about that might help .... ???

Just trying to think up some suggestions ...

HTH

{{{{hugs }}}}

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 14:54

back later to reply

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madmarchhare · 20/03/2006 15:04

Agree with doing something nice for daddy coming home, however, the hitting etc.. still needs to be dealt with.

Youre going to have to be tough and stick with it. What do you normally do?

I would say very firmly 'No hitting', making sure you have eye contact, and then straight to the step/chair/away from the situation to think about it.

Tell her whats going to happen and why. Then when she had a couple of minutes(if she gets up, take her back with no negotiating), explain whats happened and why again.

Ask her to apologise.

Then carry on as before without dragging it on. If she does it again, same process all over again.

She will get it eventually.

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 16:43

how do i deal with it when it has happened at pre school? ie when i am not there to witness it so it may be 2 hours after the event?!

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 17:42

When you are not there - it's their responsibility to deal with the problem ...
I wouldn't do anything extra with DD .... just get feedback from them

So long as you and the pre-school agree with a course of action then that's fine ....

You don't want DD to be scolded twice for a "mis-doing" that's just not fair.

Remember that a 2/3 year old does not have the memory span to remember so far back - so long as things are dealt with there and then. I'd leave it be.

HTH

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 17:43

ALso - I know that it's stating the obvious - but kids love having good behaviour rewarded, rather being punished for bad behaviour ...

madmarchhare · 20/03/2006 18:09

Definately dont harp on about it when she gets home.

What do they do at pre school?

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 19:57

Well, that's the thing.. it's all quite hazy. I am not convinced they were going to mention it to me had i not brought the matter up.

Dd says thay say "no" to her, but not got much beyond that. I asked her why she did it and she said "cos i did", grr, ie no idea why!!!!

She has mentioned being pushed by other children and i have let it lie assuming it was minor and maybe her making it into more than it is cos surely they would mention it. Hmm, after this, maybe not. HAd i not seen her be a bit on the pushy shovey side with friendsI am not convinced i would know....

I need to ask the staff what their line on discipline is. I know it sounds daft not knowing, but, honestly, til last week, my dd never did anything wrong with other adults... only for me and dh!!!!!!

Ok, I can see i have been wrong harping on about it today to her.. but it was partly cos i needed to let it out and with dh away i can't even rant at him!!!

DO a lot of children go through this? How does it end? and how long does it last?

Thanks btw, for listening to my feeble witterings!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 20/03/2006 20:19

bumpity bump for my own selfish need

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 20/03/2006 21:31

The very fact that they aren't mentioning it to you - makes me feel that perhaps it's not such a big deal.

The staff will see alot of this - and in the scheme of things - perhaps DD's behaviour is not that terrible ... remember that kids to have a lot of jostling and they need to "hold their own" a bit .... perhaps DD is just standing up for herself ... which is both good and healthy .... you don't want her to be a push over either ....

Perhaps you might need to cut DD some slack ??? ( Just a thought )

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 21/03/2006 11:55

thanks crystaltips!!
I am sure that when we have another child (toddler time!) I'll be so blase about it... but cos dd is my first and cos until now she's been model child material with her teachers and people like that......

OP posts:

Crystaltips · 21/03/2006 13:34

You are both doing fine ... don't beat yourself up about it ....

It's a tough learning curve though isn't it !!

madmarchhare · 21/03/2006 14:50

YOu need to find out for sure what is actually going on from the teachers.

If there is a problem, it will last as long as she sees she can get away with it , and fwiw I think most kids will have a phase like this.

Crystaltyps is right, I wouldnt worry too much either way.

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