After school play dates - am I the only Mum who doesn't have them...?

[Noomininoo]

My DD1 is 5yo & has just gone into Yr1. She catches a bus to school from our estate & only 2 other children from her class (both boys) catch the bus from our bus stop so I don't really get to see any of the other Mums from her class. I do get to see them occasionally at parties etc but, as I'm pretty shy myself I find it difficult to engage with them (as they all seem to know each other pretty well from doing the school run/ living close together etc & I kind of feel like a bit of an outsider).

In school DD1 seems to play with a wide range of people but doesn't seem to have any particular friend she plays with all the time. She's never been invited to an after school play date & we've never had anyone around for one & I feel pretty bad about this . I did try to arrange one once with a little girl DD1 mentioned more than most but unfortunately the only 2 days my DD1 can do (as she is in after school club 2 days a week & has swimming another day) this other girl can't as she goes to a childminder .

The problem I have is

a) I don't feel comfortable approaching other Mums to ask if their DDs can come over to my house to play as I don't really know them well at all (& never get to see them anyway)
b) I don't know if the other child(ren) would feel comfortable coming to the house of someone they don't really know (i.e. me!)
c) I wouldn't know who to ask anyway as DD doesn't really have any 'special' friends she speaks of.

Am I the only Mum in the world who doesn't do playdates...?

It is difficult if you feel that all the other mums are doing play dates all the time, they are probably not. However it is good for kids to mix out of school. Could you invite your dd's little friend over at the weekend if you can't meet up after school? Perhaps her mum could come too? Otherwise, do any of the parents go straight to local park after school and if so could you do that too before hopping on the bus , it would give you and your child a chance to socialise. Finally we have a class list with phone and email details we can contact other parents, do you? Sometimes it's easier to text and then speak rather than going up to someone to invite them to play date. Also don't worry too much, year 1 is still very little.

DD has just started Y1 and we're having her first playdate (friend coming to ours for tea) next week. I know all the mums but DD is quite shy and has never seemed that keen, and I think she's only just reaching a stage (finger's crossed!!) that she might be brave enough to go to someone else's house without me. She's quite a fussy eater too but I'd love it if she would go and have tea at a friend's house. So in reply to your OP, no you're not, and if DD's not too bothered then I wouldn't worry at all. You know she's playing nicely at school (DD was the same), so I think it's totally fine and normal.

Ds has just started P2, so the same as year 1. He goes to after school club most days so playdates would be really difficult. He has been to another little boys house three times in the last month which he has enjoyed but it does complicate things. I have taken the other boy to soft play twice at the weekend but feel I will have to have him to the house to play soon.

No, I wasn't that keen on them and didn't do them much until my dd got to the end of year 1 and started inviting people round so I couldn't avoid it.

I don't do many. I try to meet in the park after school or something, or my dh will take her to meet one on the common with their bikes. I alternate with another mum to take mine and a friend to an activity. The other friend she has, I do invite over from time to time but I find I'm left feeling guilty a lot as this one's mum invites mine over every other week. It's difficult because I work and I find it really hard to keep the house tidy.

It gets to a point where they won't let you get away with it any more. And then they do most of the asking themselves. Try not to worry.

A good way to approach is to just leave a note in a bookbag saying your dd would like x to come round to play and here is my phone number if they'd like to. But if she's not that keen on anyone just yet, I'd probably leave it until she is. I think by year 1 most of them are ok going to a friend's house without their mum.

I'd leave it until your DD has expressed a desire to do it. My DD hasn't had many because my work commitments etc, but we have got round the social awkwardness of asking other parents because she will get her friend to ask, or she asks them herself!

Makes it a lot easier on me, who has never really been very good at being a sociable human being :P

I struggle with doing play dates generally too. I think I'm quite shy and not used to organsising these often enough to get my confidence up. I also worry about them being a bit of a disaster as sometimes my DD is generally quite tired after a busy day and gets grumpy.

At her pre school there was a lot of pressure to have regular play dates and I just couldn't keep up. I also made the mistake of asking children round just for my DD sake and then finding that they really didn't get along. I only really got a sense of who she had bonded with by the end of the summer term.

DD is now in reception in a new school and I have returned to work so I've decided not to put pressure on myself and let DD settle in and let me know who she may like round to play when the time comes. So far I'm getting lots of different names everyday!

Most Mum's I have spoken to about this say they don't do many either for a variety of reasons.

If anything I do more play dates with children outside of school at the moment in order to keep in touch with them and to create a wider circle for my DD.