experiences of having 3 when you were not 100 per cent committed to 3

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

I hope that title makes sense. nos 1 and 2 were the standard 2 years apart. there was very little in the way of decision-making about them - the only q was when - whether was not an issue. Anyway found early days stressful in the extreme. about a year ago (aged 4 and 2) began to see the light at the end of the tunnel, life returning to normal, etc etc usual story. they will be 4 and 6 in May and I just can't get out of my head the idea of a third. I can't say a whole-hearted yes, but neither can I say a whole-hearted no. I am not earthy but I do love babies and I do enjoy having children. I also have periods when it's the most stressful thing in my life. I often feel constrained by having kids - I'd like more freedom in some ways (eg to travel for work) but will I regret not having gone for it? (or - worse - might i regret going for it?)

Well I have 3 children, but only ever planned on having 2, however my 2nd pregnancy was twins, It was something I accepted very quickly after finding out I was carrying twins, a maternal instinct I suppose, but only you can make the decision for yourself, but I dont think many people regret having another child, another pet maybe but your own flesh and blood I think acceptance just comes naturally.

Hi hatwoman
You sound now just like I was before I had ds3!
My ds1 and 2 are 18 months apart and, like you, I found the early days very stressful.
Couldn't even contemplate a third, although never got as far as giving all the baby stuff away, so must have been at the back of my mind somewhere.
Anyway, when ds2 was 3/4, I too saw the tunnel-light and began to think about another baby.
Have to say I have NEVER regretted going for it. It was so wonderful to have that bigger gap - older ones at school in the morning and baby all to myself. Everything much calmer altogether. Ds3's older brothers dote on him, too.
And that tunnel-light thing comes back so much quicker third time round, believe me!

DS1 & 2 are 2 years apart and then there's a 5 year gap til DD who took 2 years to conceive. Needless to say, the month I fell pregnant is the month I thought "Right, that's it. We'll stick at 2" and I mentally planned all the things we could do now the boys were old enough to be left with grandparents etc etc. I mentally moved on and when I found I was pregnant I was, quite frankly, horrified!! Needless to say, I'm no longer horrified and don't regret having her at all.

I was happy with 2 but there did seem to be an empty spot IYSWIM where the 3rd child should be. I was one of 3 myself (with 2 elder brothers like DD!) and I don't know if that coloured my view of what a "perfect" family should be.

do you know, I always felt guilty running around trying to meet the demands of two schedules - dragging dd2 away from play group early cos i needed to pick dd1 up from part-time school, etc etc. I always felt that a 3rd would leave dd2 even more negelcted, but one of the thngs I can't get out of my head is that she ADORES babies and I think she would love a little brothre or sister. In fact she told me the other day that she wanted me to have a baby. Of course she can't make decisions1 and she might change here mind when faced with the reality, but the fact that I do think she would love having one is a factor. I have also learned lots of lessons and wouldn't be the mother martyr I was. Much more time tickling toes and less time worrying about a busy schedule and making mummy friends for me.

I was desperate for a 3rd from the moment DD was born .. but DH said no

He finally said yes ok about 3 months ago .. and now I don't want one

Have given ourselves till summer to decide for definite

DS is 5 and DD is 22 months so I think its this year or never

Also, now I can see that DS2 was not meant to be a youngest child. He "fits" much better as a middle one.

i have 3, from choice. i don't regret it at all, though sometimes in the early days of having 3 I did. But, if you already feel often constrained by having 2, I do find it's far more constraining having 3. In terms of mobility, freedom, and finding people who want to look after all 3. it's fun, but definitely constraining.