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Original poster

Have I just missed the mark?

11 replies

deegward · 20/03/2006 10:19

I am quite prepared for people to say that yes, we've got this wrong but here goes.....

We live just outside London and parents and ils live in Edinburgh. I am due to have a hysterectomy and prolapse op on the 30th of this month, we have two ds (6 & 3).

When I found out, I told my mum and dad, and my mum offered to come down to help out. WE arranged that it would be best if dh took the first week off work and mum came down on her own (dad is as much use as chocolate tea pot) for the second week after surgery. Both boys will be off school as Easter hols, but have arranged for ds1 to go to football camp for two days and friends have offered to help out.

Well... when mum & dad were here for ds1 b'day (two weeks ago) Mum and dh went upstairs to book flights, and due to cheap flights mum will only be here for 4 nights rather than the 6 we first talked about, but that is not the problem. Yesterday my dad phoned and berated me for not paying for mum's flight (all of £70) and telling me that I had to look after her when she came down. Sorry I thought she was coming to look after me?

Dh and I never ask nor need help from parents, and this has shocked me,esp since my mum looks after my brother's boys every Friday, drives to his house about 30 miles from her house, and takes the boys out for lunch. Then in the hols they stay with mum and dad for days on end and mum takes them to the pictures,. Fine, but she doesn't take my boys out, and the cost of doing all that over a year is more than the cost of the flight.

Am I wrong?

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lucy5 · 20/03/2006 10:20

No I would be peeved too.

Feistybird · 20/03/2006 10:22

S'pose it depends if they can afford it.

compo · 20/03/2006 10:22

No, it sounds like she doesn't want to come, or your dad doesn't want her to go Sad Maybe your dad wants to come too to help her out?

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Original poster
deegward · 20/03/2006 10:24

Can easily afford it, mum thinks nothing of going into town and buying a pair of trousers for £125, as "well I didn't have a pair that colour"!!

Dad does nothing when he comes down, he expects a cooked breakfast eery morning, and doesn't even put his mug in the dishwasher. Wish now I had employed a nanny or something instead. Sad

OP posts:
mumatuks · 20/03/2006 10:24

hmm, I'd be tempted to see if this is just Dads opinon or if mum shares it too.

quanglewangle · 20/03/2006 10:28

Your dad is wrong. Does your mum know what he said? Probably not I would imagine. Think you may have to become thick-skinned and ignore him and just make the arrangements with her.

I probably wouldn't have offered to pay the flight either but if I had I would expect it to be refused!!

quanglewangle · 20/03/2006 10:30

Is he being selfish here - doesn't want to be left to have to fend for himself - and making you the scapegoat?

chipmonkey · 20/03/2006 11:24

Totally selfish! You're having major abdominal surgery fgs! Am Shock

chipmonkey · 20/03/2006 11:25

I mean your Dad is selfish, not you.

Original poster
deegward · 20/03/2006 11:28

Thank you to everyone, my Dad IS a very selfish person, he didn't come down before Christmas with mum, as he had his art class to go to!

Getting in touch with friends who are childminders to see if they can help with ds2 when mum is down so that can't be cast up to me!

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/03/2006 11:28

He probably doesnt like your mum looking after the other kids too but you dont get to hear about that.

Sod him. Your mum has offered. She wouldnt do it if she couldnt.

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