IL trouble and OCD

[caribouyou]

Hello ladies

I feel like I'm sinking. I'm struggling with heavy depression and very destructive OCD.
I realise that my issues with OCD are irrational but there are somethings that I feel are just common sense. My in laws are a nightmare with hygiene. They never wash their hands after going to the toilet and are very blase about cleanliness to do with the dog and going out and about. I found this hard before I became a mum but now it's a nightmare. I've got a real fear of leaving my 9 month old with anyone at the moment. I'd rather not go out as it's just too upsetting. There are several occasons coming up where I should really let the IL babysit but I feel like I'm going to lose it. I really can't deal with other people looking after my baby. ESPECIALLY when I know they'll be so slack with cleaning. If I even mention this to my DH then we have an almighty row. I'm still uncomfortable leaving baby with my mum but not as much and I know it's unfair one set of granparents getting more time but I can't rationalise my fears. It's exhausting not letting anyone help. I don't know what to do. My marriage is struggling. Since the birth I can't cope with any sort of contact with my DH, even holding hands or a hug. I'm so cold with him but I really don't want to be. He's being so patient, he even keeps trying to arrange 'dates' but this means a sitter...in our house (which is OCD meltdown) and I just break down in fear and exhaustion. I really don't know what to do..I just want to run away from everyone.

Thank you for reading this, just finding someone to talk to would help so much.

Hello. Is it possible for you to talk to your GP, or health visitor? You sound like you are having a really hard time and they may be able to help. I am absolutely sure you are not the only person to feel this way and there should be help out there somewhere.

The bottom line is that your well-being is most important. Perhaps you could explain to your DH that you can't leave the baby at the moment but you are going to get help to cope with your feelings.

Thank you so much for replying new pup.

I am seeing the GP and have been put on antidepressants but nothing seems to be happening yet. I'm also seeing a therapist but again I don' t seem to be getting anywhere. It's a relief to start talking about it on here though.

You're right about talking to DH. I feel calmer just thinking about not having to leave my baby.

You need to go back to your GP if you feel your antidepressants and therapy are not helping. What kind of therapy are you having?

counselling and just about to start cbt for a second time (did some a year ago).

It definitely sounds like the problem is the OCD, not the inlaws, if you see what I mean. I can only suggest what you are already doing - though I understand from friends that CBT is more effective than counselling often. If your DC is in bed when you go out, could you bear to have someone sit for you who will do what you ask them do around the house? They'd only have to be in one or two rooms and probably not go into the baby at all. Hang in there x

Thank you very much for messaging it's really nice to have people to talk to and listen.

It is easier in the evenings.

However next week the IL are due to sit and I am freaking out really worrying about them not washing their hands and then touching my DC and causing a V&D or something worse. Or even just touching things around the house (door handles, kettle, taps, light switches..) and as I'm out I can't see where I need to clean. I always have to watch and then clean afterwards when no one is looking as I feel so ashamed. But I can't bring up the courage to tell them to wash their hands as it's embarrasing for everyone. I feel like a freak but at the same time it seems so obvious to do (cleaning that is) if that makes sense? It's really ruining my life and it feels like it's just me being crazy.

what a hard time you must be having dealing with this. I would agree that the problem is your OCD, not anyone else.

are they nice people? could you tell them you have OCD? I don't think asking them to wash their hands is going to make your OCD better - because it's an irrational phobia - it will find another outlet as long as you suffer from it. Is your husband sympathetic ? Rather than talking to him about particular issues - ie. non-hand washing, does he understand you are actually suffering from an illness/ phobia that he needs to help you with?

are there support groups for OCD sufferers you could contact?

well done for talking - and for trying to deal with it. lots of people dont.

I definitely would try talking to your gp again. My brother suffers with OCD and his antidepressants are a particular type that help target OCD. Do you know if yours are like that? If so You may need a stronger dose. As for therapy , if you have been seeing your therapist for awhile but nothing is changing then try a new one. My brother has been through plenty and on occasion has found someone that makes a difference.

I know you find it embarrassing to tell you IL to wash their hands but I would bite the bullet and just tell them. Perhaps if you explain that you are finding things a little tough at the mo and it'd really help if they could just go along with it until you get yourself back on track - then at least you can relax a bit. This extra stress regarding them looking after your baby is pushing your OCD to the limits and I've seen how horrible that can be for the sufferer. The pain of embarrassment compared to the pain of bad OCD is nothing!

How are you today Caribouyou? Hope you are doing better.

I am overwhelmed with the response from here it's so wonderful I can't thank you all enough. It's my first time here and I felt so alone before but now it's so wonderful to feel cared about. Thank you everyone.

I ended up going to see my mil yesterday like you suggested and told her all about my OCD. It was a massive thing to do but felt proud of myself one I'd done it. I'm not sure if she understood completely (she is not very open to mental illnesses) but it felt liberating to do.

I dropped into conversation about hand washing but only that I found it very stressful at the thought that others might not around my child so at least she is aware of why I act the way I do.

The medication I am on is more for antidepressant and mood swings (and initially to make me sleep at night (which it does very well!). I think I will talk to my GP about OCD medication in particular now,thanks. SuperDuperTrooper, what is your brother on do you know?

I haven't really heard of any support groups for OCD??

Hey newpup how are you today? Today is dragging a bit. Want it to hurry up and be the evening so my husband can be home and I can have some company.

It feels really good just admitting to you guys about the OCD thing
..thank you x

Hi Caribouyou. So glad to hear you feel more positive. That is great! Well done on talking candidly to your mil. That must have been hard, I admire you. I hope that it helps, am sure it will.

For what it is worth, I really feel that being open and honest with your family is the way to go. It is important that you enjoy this time with your baby and that your memories are happy ones.

When you feel in control and secure, learning how to strech your comfort zone just a tiny bit will be much easier, honest.

Really glad that this has helped. I had a hard time last year and was amazed at the support I had on here from strangers. It was a real help.

Take Care.

Hi Caribouyou

Really pleased for you that you told your MIL about your OCD. I'm sure it was the best thing for you to do. Not everyone "gets" mental illness but most people will try and help someone who is having a hard time - so at least now you are more likely to get the type of support you are after.

I will be speaking to my brother tomorrow so will ask him what medication he is on and will let you know.