dicipline for an 8yr old

[yummmymummy1]

hi all im totally at my wits end this morning......
i am having some behavioral issues with my dd who id 8 usually she is a good kid in general no problems at school and very bright but she seems to have NO respect for anyone when in the house she constantly talks back has massive toddler fits if i tell her she cant do/have something, last night she had behaved so well all day i let her stay up a little later as she and her sister were playing nicely, she asked me for an ice cream and i said no as it was nearly bedtime and all hell broke loose she started thrashing around the bed and screaming like a banshee i probably didn't make matters any better as i lost my rag and it turned into a screaming match usually i would ignore her behavior leave the room and then punish her when she had calmed down but im 7 months pregnant and not as patient as i usualy am the problem isnt punishing her its how long do i do it for i went on the Webster Stratton course at her school and they say keep the punishment minimal and dont prolong it but like her dad says shes obviously not bothered by this method as she knows the punishment only lasts a evening and then she can have her tv/ds toys ungrounded back so realy shes not been punished would it be too harsh for us to carry the punishment on all weekend -week i don't want her to resent me which they say on the course will happen but i really dont think the one evening rule bothers her thanks guys xx

DS 8 has lost his DS/Wii until end of Friday because he was so rude. Not unduly harsh IMO, plenty of other toys to play with.

Don't give things back until she does something nice. But keep them for at least a few days, a week would be better.
If she's horrible again before she's nice, take something else away. Keep going until she has nothing left, then start on clothes.
Start with her favourite stuff.

I'm not sure punishing 8-10 yo DDs does any good at all. Lose rag with, send to their rooms and ignore is the best I've come up with.

OK first step ought to be left out, but DD2 knows precisely how to wind me up.

However, the reason I don't bother with complicated punishments is I don't think DD2 chooses to be vile.

She is beautifully behaved at school, friendly, nice, obeys all the rules and is generally perfect.

At home she's had enough of the act, she wants the world to revolve around her.
She wants a chunk of unconditional love.

Unfortunately, sometimes she chooses impossible moments to throw a fit and the big hug has to wait.

Just like a toddler, her reaction to being told no is totally over the top. She simply has to cool down in her own time.

DD2 would resent things being taken away, but she'd just play with something else or pester her sister more.

As I say, I think preset evens are overgrown toddlers. Reasoning with them is a waste of time, unless they are in a receptive mood.

Y4-Y5 are hard work, home and school both expect you to be sensible and grown up and yet give you no freedom or responsibilities.

By Y6 (10-11) school gives you jobs and little ones to buddy. Mum might leave you while she goes to the shops or let you bike to a friends.

I was horrible at 9, I got the worst school report I ever received. My Dad was very loving, but pretty strict so, I did the opposite of DD2.

I was good at home and very very naughty at school.
I was nice at home

Preset evens ????

Preteens

I have 7 year old ds who is being exactly the same.. he is perfectly behaved when he is anywhere but at home
The minute he comes home he turns into the devil child.I have never seen tantrums like it .. he goes bright red in the face with screaming, he lashes out with his feet and he throws stuff.. this morning it was because I said can you spell orange

I have tried sticker charts but the behaviour is so regular he doesnt build up the stars to gain anything from it .. so it doesnt motivate him

I have tried taking stuff away but he has soo many toys he says he doesnt care. I have tried grounding him but he has learned that if he wants ungrounded (real word?) he will offer to help tidying , or will make his bed or some such to make me say oh thats really helpful and kind thank you .. you can go out to play or to bb or whatever and then when he gets back in .. its back to being horrid
If I put him in his room he trashes it

I do have one strategy that works (eventually) I have a penalty spot... red foam circle on my living room floor that I sit him on when he is out of control. He does shout and scream when on it .. I hate you .. you are the worst mother in the world, i want off this etc etc
I just pick up my book or mn and make it clear he is being ignored, eventually the anger subsides and he will sit quietly ..

But its exhausting physically and mentally

Star, I really dislike sending kids to their bedroom when they are naughty. Bedrooms are supposed to be nice places to go to sleep in, not rooms for punishment.
I fail to see how a child can enjoy going to bed when they are sent to the same room to be punished.

Not punishment, just to calm down.

Generally I just said please go to your room until you want to be nice.

No time limit, sometimes she'd disappear for 10 minutes, sometimes I'd totally forget about her and find her on her lap top an hour later.

There is simply no point reasoning with her when she's in a tiz.

(DDs have always gone to their rooms to calm down, open plan house, too easy to carry on watching the TV or baiting your sister if your sat on the stairs).

thanks for all your replies it really helps me in thinking a longer punishment is not all that bad maybe a learning curve for us both im just going on the school run now so we will see how the shock tactic of no tv STILL works when she gets in thanks

Still don't like the sending to the bedroom thing - feels like punishment to me.

She'd think it far more of a punishment not to be allowed TV or her beloved lap top.
And if I took those off her she'd be resentful and vile for days.

DD2 is far far far more determined than I am and holds a grudge far longer.
Far simpler just to let her get over what ever is making her silly.