I'm so stuck in this decision, and I don't know what to do. Perhaps the combined wisdom of MNers can help me! It's really long, sorry.
I started a part time degree two years ago, I was a single parent, it was something I'd always wanted to do but controlling/EA ex would never have "let" me, it was a HUGE thing in me taking my life where I want it to go, and I love doing it. Being on campus makes me feel really happy and enthusiastic about the future, I love the lectures, love the seminars, really excited about the different modules I can choose from for the next few years etc.
Except, this year I've really fucked it up. I had a rollercoaster of a year, DP moved in just before the start of the academic year, and his mum was really ill, which was stressful. We had some issues because I think he moved in too quickly (this was all built up with the illness of his mother) and I was suffering badly on and off with depression. The structure of the year was very different and all the important essays were due in right at the end rather than being spread out as they had been the previous year. I was anaemic (undiagnosed for ages), we were horribly skint, I had to get a job, DP was working nights which made our relationship harder, and then he applied for his dream job - in Germany. All of this combined, the uni stuff just ended up being pushed down in the priorities. I still really enjoyed the classes, I just hardly got any reading or preparation done because I was so exhausted all the time. My marks slipped from 70s as they had been the previous year down to about 50s.
When it came to exam time I had two exams, both on the same day, a Saturday, which meant that my usual childminder couldn't cover it. I was going to ask DP's sister who usually looks after DS if I work on Saturdays but I left it too late and it turned out she was away. I desperately rang around friends etc and one friend said it was fine, but then when she realised it would be all day (because of having two) she seemed less keen and then her DH was ill coming up to the day and she seemed so uncomfortable with it I didn't want to make her, got massively stressed about it, also didn't feel prepared for the exam. DP said I should try and calm down and speak to uni, which I did. They gave me the option of using a babysitting agency, but I didn't feel that DS would settle with a complete stranger at 3, if it was a nursery setting, he'd have been okay, but I didn't think it would work and so I was given the option of doing the retakes in September.
However, very quickly after this DP was told he'd got the job and went over to Germany at very short notice. I found it impossible to concentrate or focus on anything else, which I think was part of the reason for my distraction before too. My heart wasn't in it because I didn't know if I'd be able to follow it to completion. I have been struggling a bit more with depression etc and "brain fog" and totally missed the retakes of the exams (not that I was in any way prepared). I am now kicking myself and thinking why the hell didn't I just go for it before, apologise massively to my friend and explain it was an emergency and just DO it, even if I'd got crap marks, at least it might have been a pass.
I went in to see them yesterday and they said that my only option now is to send in an email explaining my mitigating circumstances, which they will present to the exam board (who sit tomorrow) and the board will then decide if I can take the exams this year, but I wouldn't be able to go to any of the lectures etc, so it would be all self study. Then after this I could carry on as normal which would be a further 4 years or I could condense it into full time and complete in 2 years. DS will start school next September so this would be feasible. I'm just really gutted that I've set myself back by a whole year. I went out to Germany to see DP recently and there we discussed me and DS moving out possibly in a year or so, rather than after Christmas as we had originally thought, and I worked out that if I could do full time for uni instead of part time I could potentially be out there by June 2014 which doesn't seem quite so long. I think I'd bought into the idea that I couldn't do both and leaned more towards Germany.
So now, my options are to stick with it here and complete over the next 3-5 years, but I don't know if we can survive being long distance for that long, if I want to be long distance for that long, if it's fair on DS, all the rest. But I don't want to lose the relationship either, I love DP, we work well together, I can see us getting married, but long distance is a strain on anybody.
I could give up the course after this year or next but it seems so pointless doing it if I'm not going to complete it, I'd be really gutted to give it up, and I think I'd regret it later. But then, not going to Germany would be something I'd regret later too... I had a mad idea about going there and effectively commuting, the terms are only 10 weeks long with a reading week, so I could come back in term time, visit during reading week and while I'm here focus only on my studies and not have anything else (job, relationship etc) to focus on. I could either bring DS back with me and somehow find accommodation for both of us and childcare etc, or I could leave him with DP and come back, but DP reckons this would be harder for me than I am thinking. (I think I would be fine, for 4/5 weeks at a time. I'd miss DS but I'd also love the freedom) This would be hugely expensive though, probably, and I might not be able to find work in Germany just for university holiday times, so we'd probably struggle.
I think what I need to do now is send this email and then at the end of this academic year I'll have to decide, but I'd be interested in any thoughts or experiences at all! Sorry it's so long. Thanks for listening if you got this far.