How to get 5 year old ds to listen?

[Bigwheel]

Ds is 5 1/2 so just gone into year 1. In many ways he is a bright, loving, happy boy who I am very proud of. In many other ways he is a total horror who drives me to despair! His basic problem has always been listening. I have to tell him things such as put your shoes on, get dressed etc 10-20 times before he takes any notice. Such examples are every day, all day. 3 days into term his new teacher mentioned he was very immature in his listening skills and was very easily distracted. Literally if he spots a piece of fluff on the floor it will distract him for ages. If he's not interested he doesn't listen and nothing you do will get his attention. However if it's some thing he's interested in he'll sit there for hours reading books with me about it, mainly on natural disasters etc. He's very impulsive which worries me. Physically he will easily hit out if something doesn't go his way. He seems unable to pass me anything eg an item of clothing or pencil, it has to be thrown. he seems to act before he thinks 99% of the time. Socially he seems ok, but he gets fixated on one thing eg - caterpillars in the school garden and will spend the entire playtime, every playtime for weeks on end, looking at them. I have tried the naughty step which used to work but it doesn't seem to bother him now. Have just started a new reward system of having to get 10 blocks in a box for a treat, but blocks get taken away for bad behaviour, he seems to have 'got' it but I have yet to see if it works. Ds seems to need a lot of physical stimulation, always has even as a baby. I take him to swimming, tennis, gymlastics and football but he still seems 'wired'. He has a younger sister who the majority of the time he's very loving towards but he often seems to go to far and it ends in tears all round. Dh works long hours, grandparents find him 'differcult' and I'm at the end of my tether. I'm knackered, never seem to get a break and just want ds to calm down and listen to what I'm saying, eg - not a 30 minute battle every morning to get him dressed. I am sick of having to repeat the most basic of tasks to him loads of times. He had grommets in the new year (so perhaps I have excused previous behaviour due to poor hearing) but they have worked and his hearing is now ok. I feel like I have become one of those shouty parents I swore I would never become. Is this normal behaviour for a 5 year old boy?

Apart from the throwing instead of passing stuff and the fixation on one thing at playtime for weeks on end - you could have been describing my 5yo!! He has a head like a box of frogs - cannot focus for 5 seconds and yet will lose himself in our dinosaur encyclopaedia for hours on end! (his favourite is the Hatzygopterix!!!) He has improved in the past few months slowly but surely due to him joining karate classes. As his aim is to be a red power ranger when he grows up (as well as a fireman and helicopter pilot!) learning "ninja skills" is vital - so he listens to Sensei. And the Senseis (sp?!) bless them reinforce that they must listen to mum and dad at the end of class. Would he respond well to this as its teaching discipline as well as burning off energy????

Funny you mention karate dubindee a few people have suggested it in order to help the 'discipline' side. The cost is the main thing to put me off (£60 a month!), plus if I'm honest so does the 'fighting' side of it as I think ds is physical enough iykwim but I admit to knowing nothing about karate. One group in my area take 5 year olds, the other you have to be 6. I worry he would be to immature to stand in line, listen to instructions etc but then perhaps that's what he needs? Thanks for your reply, will certainly give it some thought.

When they join they make a promise to not do karate on anyone as an act of violence. It is only to be practiced in the dojo (class) or used in self-defence. Yes it's a contact sport, but you said he plays football and IMO karate is more of a controlled environment than a football pitch!!!

My two boys go - its £30 for their yearly licence. Then their lessons are £4 each payable when they attend (if you're away for a week you don't pay). You pay for grading separately and you only get the licence after 4 lessons once you're sure they like it and want to continue. The academy my two are affiliated with offered the first class free of charge - do any of your local ones have a similar taster offer???

Ps you only do kute (sp?) one on one fighting when you get your first colour belt (orange) before that it's kata training (learning a sequence of moves and practicing kicks and blocks to prepare you for kute.

HTH

Best of luck huni :)

Yes, I know one class definitely offers the first class free. Funnily enough I'm meeting a mum tommorrow who's dc go to the karate class. I will speak to her about it. Like you say it's probably much more controlled and less violent than football and to be honest at this stage I'm willing to give anything a go :-)

I second martial arts in this situation - my DS just started Kung fu and it's great for concentration and also muscle control. He loves his coach which I was amazed at because from day 1 this guy took no crap from the kids. Funnily enough it has made me step up a bit on the discipline - I ask 3 times, then it's either 'council' or time out. Council means we stop everything and listen to each other, I stop being shouty mum and he has to stop being distracted - so far it's working (if he doesn't stop for council he automatically goes on time out)

He's still got ants in his pants and a head like a bag of frogs (great expression!) but it is getting better

Good luck bigwheel! - he may love, he may hate it... But if you have a free taster session then you have nothing to lose.

HaveringGold - if they're not listening to sensei they are made do press-ups!!!!

Have just emailed the £60 a month (eeekk) martial arts school about a free trail and will speak to a mum tomorrow who sends her kids to a lesuire centre based one where you pay weekly. He's been keen to go for a while so its probably about time I dealt with my own reservations and at least let him try it. Generally speaking, out and about ds is quite well behaved, it's mainly at home he turns into a nightmare. It doesn't matter what I do to try and wear him out, stick him inbetween 4 walls and he turns into a wild child! Don't get me wrong he can be very loving and enjoyable to be around, but other times he is literally bouncing off the walls and I feel I have no control over him or myself for that matter and often end up walking away in order to deal with my own temper (I'm quite laid back normally). I just feel he pushes me, and everything around him, to the limits, constantly. And it's exhausting. It's getting worse the older he gets and I reallly thought it would get better.

Press ups here too! Which with his spindley little arms is very amusing
He jumped down and gave me "5" the other day went he wouldn't get in the bath ... I'm pondering a book called "parenting as a Sensei"