New baby and toddler??

[forcedinsomnia]

Posting on behalf of my friend. She has just had a little boy (2 weeks tomorrow) and she has a little girl who is 3 in November. Since her ds was born her dd has been really hard work. Lots of tantrums. Problems at bed time, bath time, dinner time and getting dressed. Last night she woke up at 2 am shouting "mummy and daddy don't love me anymore!!!" It is really breaking my friends heart!! She tries to get dd involved with baby at bathtime etc. But it's not always possible obvs. She is mixed breast and bottle feeding....as he is tiny and needs bulking up. She has just text me to say she is feeling guilty for cuddling ds while dd is around in case it sets her off again. And that's not fair on anyone. I'm pretty sure this is common and i know its early days.....but have any of you wise ladies got any useful tips to pass to my friend. I hate seeing her and dd unhappy. TIA.

It is hard for the first 12 weeks. Then gets marginally easier

Basically she just needs to survive. Best thing is to keep up the eldest's routine through the day. Get a sling and strap baby in while she sorts out toddler. Get a bouncy chair and make sure baby is well fed for bedtime/bath time etc. I didn't give my youngest a regular bath until she was 4-5 months. Not needed (obviously I cleaned her but that was it).

Get out of the house all the time. Strap baby in sling (or baby sleeps in pram) while she looks after toddler eg in the park/playgroup.

Have a bag with snacks/new pocket money toys. When baby wants feeding, give toddler a little toy or snack for distraction.

Get help. Someone to take newborn or toddler to give mum a break. TBH you can try and give as much attention as possible to toddler but quite frankly it'll never be enough because they'll always have to compete. So you just give what you can.

Don't go on about how the oldest is a big sister now etc. do not compare baby and older sibling.

Thank you very much. Some great ideas....I've passed them on. Never thought about the comparisons thing.....that's very interesting. On a different note I have this problem with my ds and nephew (ds is 13 mo and dn is 2.5). My mil takes care of them both on a Friday am.....and when she uses my ds as a reason for dn to behave, eat his dinner or go to sleep it makes dn worse. Bet this is why? He'll end up hating ds for being a goody goody. ;-) Food for thought.