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Parenting

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Original poster

I'm not mother material

7 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 15/09/2012 10:04

Hi all, well what can I say it's all in the title, I'm just not mother material. I've really reached the end of my teather. It's not even the afternoon and I feel as if I can't face the rest of the day. I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends or family about this because they will think what an awful person I am. I can tell my husband is already disappointed in me.
My dd is 14 months and I'm 19 weeks pregnant. When I got pregnant everything was going so well I really enjoyed being a mother and now i dread every moment alone with my daughter and being alone to cope with a new born and a toddler. It's been building up for months now. I keep telling my husband I need a nanny or something but he says we can't afford it and I wanted children so I just have to get on with it but I can't, I can't do it. All my daughter did this morning was cry, I tried everything, playing reading tv and as for her breakfast, I had to walk away from that one. I feel so guilty because I love her with all my heart and I want better for her. I don't understand how other mums do it. If I wasn't pregnant I would've taken up smOking again that's for sure!! Any reassuring comments would b good or just friendly advise :)

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FeersumEndjinn · 15/09/2012 10:16

Hiya cupcake.

You're going to be OK.

I think you may be depressed (you don't give quite enough info for me to be sure about this yet) but whether or not you are - things need to change. You have the power and ability to make the changes you need.

You are incorrect to say that you are not mother material. You love your daughter and you are doing everything you can for her. All toddlers at that age can be an absolute nightmare, it is no failure on your part that you had such a bad day.

I find being alone 1:1 with a toddler very overwhelming - so I try to keep being alone in the house to a minimum. We go out to toddler groups, the park, free museums, anything I can think of so it's not just me toddler and four walls going crazy at each other. You are not alone in feeling like this, it's OK to talk to friends who have toddlers - 90% of them will agree and sympathise, the remaining 10% are less mature and sensible than you and are still in denial about what a nightmare it can be!

Original poster

Cupcakemummy85 · 15/09/2012 12:58

To be honest I had PND after my dd and think its come back with this pregnancy. I always try and start the day positively and happy but by mid-morning it all seems to come crashing down.
My husband has gone out for the day and I just crumbled, I thought how am I going to cope alone. He works from home so I get a lot of help from him, he will soon b getting offices though. That's probably down to me!! I've had to ask my mum to take her for the morning because I felt like I couldn't cope. Now I feel like I have failed. I can't look after her for one morning myself. She has a poorly tummy at the moment too which doesn't help much, from a bug we've all had. Perhaps when she is better I will go try another baby group again, she loves other people (just not me lol). I feel so sorry for dd. as soon as she was born I was overwhelmed and scared. I so want to b a good mum!

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 15/09/2012 12:59

It does sound like antenatal depression. Go see you GP.

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Tee2072 · 15/09/2012 13:00

And she does love you. You're her whole world.

But she may be picking up on your despair, so get some help.

fridakahlo · 15/09/2012 13:14

Just from reading those posts, I can tell you are a good mother!
You tried to keep your dd happy, but in a very typical toddler manner, she was not having it!
You are allowed to just sit down and have a cup of tea and attempt to ignore the toddler whinging especially at x weeks pregnant!
It does also sound like you might be a yad depressed, so talk to your GP and midwife and get some support organised .
Chin up, you are doing brilliantly!

fridakahlo · 15/09/2012 13:14

Tad!

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 15/09/2012 13:20

In the short term, get outside. Dont underestimate the power of frsh air and sunshine in wellbeing. both yours and your dds. even if its just going out for a magazine - walk to the furthest shop you can manage. Stop at the swings with dd, and sit and let her gawp at / crawl after the other little ones at the park. Go outside every day.

in the long term, a discussion with your OH about how you feel and if there is any additional support he can offer.

What are your thoughts on working - would a job help or add to how you feel?

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