Encouraging responsibility and independence

[mamadash]

I have a 10 year old daughter and she is reasonably responsible. But when i see her with other girls her age they all seem so much more mature and apparently more responsible. I am confident in my daughter. Just out of interest how responsible should kids be at this age and what are the techniques for making them more so - what do you all do practically? So obviously there are the givens - showering and dressing themselves, homework, etc but how else do you start preparing them as pre-teens for maturity expected in senior school and life.

Would welcome your thoughts.

We've got DSs (9&7) and the key to each is very different. DS1 needs one task at a time, and lots of reminders, and will carry it out 'in his own time' as his very perceptive preschool teacher mentioned. DS2 loves to be seen to be doing the right thing. He has just bounded to the door on my return from the supermarket to help carry the shopping to the kitchen and has unpacked and put away anything he could reach without being asked. DS1 is a great and loyal friend, a responsibility lots of adults can't handle. DS2 is a reliable team worker, a skill many of us could learn from. Not sure if that is learning responsibility and independence in the way you meant but it means a lot to us as a family.

As far as tasks go. They get up and get dressed for school, make their own breakfast and pack their school bags. DH makes their lunch for them to take (well, he does usually but he's broken his foot and is on crutches, so the DSs have added that to their morning routine this week - loads of praise for rising to the occasion and talk about the family as a team) and walks then to school (they've walked themselves this week for the above reason)

They don't yet take responsibility for instigating showers and washing (can anyone tell me if that happens with boys before adulthood) but do realise that teeth brushing is part of morning and evening.

DH is teaching them to cook (he's the SAHD and I do little cooking these days) by example. He's happy to let them help whenever he's cooking and they pick up techniques as well as getting Daddy's unadulterated attention in the process - great incentive They are also encouraged to experiment in the kitchen which will stand them in good stead.

Homework is incentivised with time on a computer game they both enjoy. Incentivisaton seems to work and we're hoping that HW will become second nature. Wish it didn't have to just yet, but there you go...

I do wish some general tasks were a bit more engrained - not scattering dirty underpants as floor decoration etc - but I think the important things are coming along and some people are just never tidy so that might be hoping for too much. I'm guessing that by the time they leave home they might almost be human!

Good luck with your little monkeyDD. There's a lot to be said for not growing up too quickly.

Homebird there are some great ideas here. Thank you for sharing. My idea of responsibility is actually very much like yours. It's about giving them life skills and a can do attitude to life. It's strange how each family is different. Some of the things that your kids do I find will be stretching for mine but some of the other things like putting clothes away mine do. There are some very good tips here though that I will try. I also have a DS 7 who ironically is more responsible than what my daughter was at that age. And it is all about the expectations we have put on them. He does everything earlier than she has done.some very wise words from you. Thank you for sharing.

The thing is Mamadash, that we are all different and DCs are the same. Isn't it wonderful that there is such diversity in people and in families!

I bought my DSs some more coat hangers today to help with the clothes putting away thing. Take away all the excuses and then things end up done really quickly. DS1 is not nearly as proactive as DS2 and I need to know I have done everything I can to enable him to do things for himself. He gets totally stumped by things like there not being enough hangers!

I console myself with the thought that I'd consider it a real failure if they couldn't cook by the time they leave home (but they're starting to have a go and be proud of themselves now) or know how to do the other stuff. Having said that, not everyone values the same things. They may not care about tidiness, like I don't care about dust.

Write your name in the dust by all means, but please don't leave a date, it's considered bad form!