Preserving their innocence vs. raising a nerdy outsider

[emkana]

This is something I think about a lot. Dd1 is still very innocent in many ways. All she watches on TV are very innocent taped German children's TV programmes, Dora the Explorer or Disney Princess films. Never goes on the Internet. Doesn't have any Bratz type dolls and is not really that bothered about Barbie.

On the other hand some mums that I know with older girls tell me that by age six/seven/eight girls become very interested in what's "cool", practise kissing a boy by pressing their mouth against a mirror , read magazines which if not adult in their content are certainly quite "advanced" IMO...

I'm not looking forward to all this. I want my dd's to hold on to their innocence for as long as possible. On the other hand I don't want to raise children which are ridiculed by their peers for not knowing what's "in". How do you find the middle ground?

I don't know my dd is nearly 3 and i've already been thinking the same. You see so many young girls these days with ears pierced, dressed like mini teenagers etc and this isn't what I want for my daughter but then don't want her to be teased or feel left out. It's a hard one will be waiting for some good answers with you.

edodgy - looks like we'll have to find our own answers.

Come on everybody!

How old is DD1? I think you have to aim for a point in the middle ground that you are happy with. By letting your DD watch Dora and Disney Princesses she has some exposure to girl culture so it's not like you are totally cutting her off.

She will be five in May.

dd has bratz dolls but because I think they are more independent minded than say barbie who always needs a boy /man to help her although other people see them as bad cos of the clothing but you can buy ones that ok it is about finding your own spin on what they want so they socially are accepted but still get your values - but it is hard esp when their friends have stuff that you think is unsuitable

Anybody else? Would be interested to hear from people with older children.

DD is 8- fairly sheltered, & I'm worrried she might be a geek - she certainly is bullied - but who knows why?

No ear piercing, some fashionable clothes (but no bare tummies or low cut tops) She reads comics (not magazines) but her BF is the same - sorry I don't worry too much

DD is almost 8, still exactly the same as what you are talking about, very inocent, but the most of her friends are too, think I should feel really lucky

I understand the fears, and it must be horrible to see your child being teased, but I'd say err on the side of letting your child be different. What matters is to be strong in what you are - if you are, then you'll be accepted even if you aren't like everyone else. I think the most imprtant thing to teach a child is confidence in themselves, especially girls as by the teen years so many girls lack self-respect.

I speak as someone who was very "different", geeky and academic as a child and had no hope of knowing what was in. Yes I was teased, but I always had friends too. I think it's made me so much stronger and happier now because I know who I am and I don't feel any pressure to fit in, hate my own body, have the right designer bag, blah blah blah which is where all this stuff leads.

What I want to know is why do parents feel bad if their child is different or geeky, but no parent is ever made to feel bad for raising a sheep-like child who thinks fitting in and having the right gear etc etc is all that matters?

Sorry for soapboxing... had some wine :)

My dd is only five, and I frequently tell her she can't have things which she says she wants. She hasn't yet started with the "but x has them" line, but I am sure she will. There is a balance to be struck. My parents were very anti-fashion, and I grew up in my brother and sisters' cast offs, which I resented massively, and fairly socially isolated too. So I won't be going down that line! I usually decide on things that I think are OK, and then offer her the choice. If she sets her heart on something I am not keen on, I do try and stop, and say do I really really dislike that, or is it copable with (this is usually clothes with my very outwardly focused little girl). There is a good Anne Fine book, called the Book of the Banshee, about teenagers really, but it is all about checking that other parents are really letting their children do what your child says they do.

Snowleopard you are on my wavelength!
Emkana, I have 4 - from 2y up to 12y. Above all I try to instil independence of opinion, strong self esteem, questioning the values around them, pride in being individuals. So far so good; even 12yo ds1 is still quite socially innocent. He and ds2 (10) and dd (7) are all popular children though, in spite of childhoods free of mobile phones, crop tops, Barbies, Bratz, watching Little Britain et al.
I realise I'm far too smug for my own good though, what with my being about to be the mother of a teenager this summer!

I have a 14 yr old dd

She was very much like your dd at that age.She didn't really become interested in fashion until about 11.Before that she still wore fashionable clothes but definately not tarty.Confidence in themselves is the key I think.

I think the little girls you describe as practise kissing at 6/7/8 are not the norm in my experience.UNless things have changed in the last 7 yrs or so.DD didn't start going on to msn until 13yrs and she wasn't unusual.Boys are just staring to come into the conversations ,but no boyfriends yet.She is like most of her friends, but there are others who are definately more advanced in the boy stage.

Your dd seems entirely normaal for her age imo.