I pick up my two boys (3 and 7) every day around 4pm; if it's sunny we go to the park, otherwise we come home. 3yo is not napping at lunchtime so at 4 is already tired and grumpy.
I try to organise myself during the day so that supper's pretty much prepared (ie so I don't have to spend much time in the kitchen) and we (dh still at work) can eat around 5.30/6, but basically, the second I leave them alone they fight and bicker, telling each other who's the biggest and the best, who's got the best toys, who can run faster etc. etc. 3yo always ends up in tears.
At supper, 7yo is constantly up and down from the table, despite repeated warnings/telling offs, and STILL telling 3yo he's better than him, has got the better fork or whatever nonsense he can think of. 3yo whinging, crying, me telling them both off, appealing for calm and civilised behaviour etc.
It's the same EVERY night. When I try and get some sort of project going, they're fine as long as I'm in the room with them: as soon as I go out, they're fighting again. 7yo has to be told everything 10 times before he does it (ie ok, go and brush your teeth now) which drives me insane; he just ignores me. This is something we've been actively working on - collecting points for responding first time - and he was doing well, and does it occasionally, but in the main, he just ignores me, or starts arguing with me.
I feel like I've been banging on about kindness and respect for the last God knows how many years and I might as well have been banging my head against a wall. And I end up raising my voice and getting pissed off. A couple of times my 7yo has said he's glad he'll never be a mother as it's such hard work having to tell children off all the time - which obviously makes me feel awful, as from his perspective that's all I do! (I reassure him that even though I might not like their behaviour sometimes, I love them - and being a mum - beyond all measure, but obviously he just sees me as shouty mum).
They are both good, sweet boys, very popular at school/nursery; 7yo is actually sensitive and thoughtful and very kind to others (even his brother when we're out and about).
I feel like I'm mismanaging our time together in the evenings. I know this is too long, and a bit rambling, but does anyone have some concrete tips for me?? I could really do with them!