starting nursery trauma - help

[Jenmumof3]

Enrolled my two and a half year old ds in all singing all dancing private nursery school to be told they didn't allow parents to stay in the classroom at all right from the start. ie no transition, no teachers getting to know the kids before they're taken screaming from your arms.... with my older two in state nursery they had a week of playing happily and exploring with me sitting nearby before I left .... what does everyone else think. I don't want to traumatise my boy unnecessarily ....

Sounds like thoroughly bad practice to me. What are their ratios? Will your DS's key worker meet him at all with you there? If it was me, I wouldn't...

Personally i wouldn't be happy with that and i'm surprised this is the nursery policy.
My 2 attended private nurseries from 6 months and we were given a weeks transition - not full time. The week before they started they had 5 visits - the first i stayed for an hour, and over the week it built up to 3 hours with me not present. I have many friends who have children at different nurseries and all of them have some sort of transition - even if its just a couple of hours prior to their start date so they are familiar with surroundings
Of course, even with the settling in and transition your boy will still cry when you drop him off, but the point of the settling in and transition is also for you - so you are comfortable with the staff and can be sure of the nursery knowing that he will be ok

I would not be comfortable with it tbh

I wouldn't be happy with that. We were encouraged to stay as long as we wanted to when DS1 started nursery. I would wonder what they were hiding

oh and we had sessions with the nursery staff to talk about my DC routine, likes and dislikes, what comforters they liked etc and they took extensive notes to keep in their files

Not good practice at all! :(

Sounds like a system created more for the staff/nursery benefit & convenience rather than the needs & well-being of the parents & children. I would love for you to ask them how they feel this promotes each child's personal, social and emotional well-being (which they are required to support through the EYFS)

We have a 2 week settling in period, and talk daily with the parent & child to check that everyone is happy with the process.
I have had parents trying to sneak out of the building without saying goodbye this week, just saying their child will be absolutely fine (even though they don't know us yet from a bar of soap) So maybe you could trade places with them?
We are fairly all singing & dancing :p (but not private!)

We were allowed to stay, although if it reassures you at all, my dd didn't need me to - the first day I stayed about 10 mins and then left for the rest of the session ( only about 1.5hours) and she was fine. Better than fine, she loves it. She had her key worker to herself that day though, which made a huge difference - have you asked how staffing works during settling in sessions?

But she has been going to a mother and toddler group in the same building for some time, so perhaps that helped.

thanks all helps to have my instinct affirmed. the logic - they say - is that if I just go quickly he'll cry and get it over with,settling him in over a week or so would only delay the inevitable and if I did it all the other parents might want to ...def not child centred but an incredible 4:1 teacher child ratio. they don't feel loving tho, just efficient and bossy. don't like it at all and dont know if I can pull out as now he thinks it's his school ...

Mouse's nursery were not quite this brusque but nearly. We had one half hour visit together, after that I handed him over to his keyworker at the door.

Somewhat to my surprise it's worked brilliantly. He's not cried once. Compared to his previous nursery where he'd been still crying and clinging some days up to when he left.
I think it works okay because the keyworker makes sure she has 1:1 time with each child when they arrive so they're always being looked after. And because there's a clear boundary - parents just don't go into the classroom. Rather than parents being there for a bit and then not being there which is more upsetting.

We did utterly talk it up, lots of stories and role play about going to nursery on his own. I think that helped.

Jen, your DS won't mind at all if you pull him out at this point. I say go with your gut.

What other options do you have? I mean it is hard for us to say as obviously we only have very limited here. I just feel really strongly that little people need really warm nurturing people around them, who are sensitive to the fact that they are still learning, who can help them develop emotional intelligence by acknowledging the fact that we are not robots. The fact that you feel they are not child centred at all is another worrying point. Early years really is supposed to be child centred. Strict & formal does NOTHING helpful at this stage unless you are wanting to raise a drone. Tell us some of the good points so we can help you balance this out- there must be a reason why you chose here and not somewhere else! :)

well i do kind of agree with the short sharp goodbyes approach tbh, in that i have always found my children were more settled with a short, mummy loves you, see you later, have a lovely day - then hand over and off i go, approach. Off course they cry a bit but within a few minutes settle down. IMOE parents who draw out the goodbyes and take forever to leave because their children are crying, are the ones whose children take longer to settle in. That said, i still think you need to have a transition period where your babies/children can go to the nursery and familiarise themselves with the environment and surroundings in short burst prior to being left all day. For me that is 2 separate issues