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Stay at home Dads

14 replies

lemonstartree · 17/03/2006 13:35

Any one have experience of this? My dh has just handed in his notice at work and will be ft at home caring for ds2 (3) and ds3 (1) and looking after the house.

I am excited, and scared stiff.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Blackduck · 17/03/2006 13:37

My dp works p-t so is at home with ds for three out of five days... Mine is fine at the childcare, but rubbish at the house bit
Alicatsg (where is she!) - her dp/dh was a sahd...

Auntymandy · 17/03/2006 13:38

what are you scared of?

dinosaur · 17/03/2006 13:38

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BearintheBigBlueHouse · 17/03/2006 13:40

I've been doing it for 4 years and intend to continue to do so for the next 16 or so, one way or another. It works for us, although we do have a cleaner - but if we didn't it wouldn't be a problem, honest. There are a few MNers with dhs/dps who are SAH.

dinosaur · 17/03/2006 13:41

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anniemac · 17/03/2006 13:47

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lemonstartree · 17/03/2006 13:48

I am scared he will be bored, that he will miss the 'working' environment, that he may never go back to work, that he will have no adult contact, that he will feed the kids chocolate all day; that I will resent him for seeing more of them than I do, that it will completely alter our family dynamic..........

all stupid things........ Financially it makes sense and we have had a ft nanny and he earn less than we were paying her; practically it makes alot of sense (we do have a cleaner) I think it will be good for the children.....

Thanks for the replies :)

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slug · 17/03/2006 13:48

My dh is a SAHD. It's the best thing we ever did. Just don't expect it to start off brilliantly, the routines take a while to adjust to. Also be prepared for some slightly surreal moments. I well remember the day I came home from work to find the sluglet naked except for a nappy, covered in paint and flour, cheerfully chomping on black pudding and spinach fritters, with the day's collection of artwork sellotaped to her bedroom walls.

anniemac · 17/03/2006 13:55

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tarantula · 17/03/2006 13:55

My dp is a SAHD and is very good at it. He's good at the housework and cooking too which is a bonus cos we certainly couldnt afford a cleaner. He does get bored sometimes and misses working but loves being with dd all day too.

Auntymandy · 17/03/2006 13:56

He will cope with the children the same way as any sahp. will have boring days the same as any sahp. find a routine to suit and groups to visit.
Its the coffee mornings with the other mums that would bother me ;)

anniemac · 17/03/2006 13:57

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BearintheBigBlueHouse · 17/03/2006 14:07

Dinosaur, I've kicked that - I had also kicked Mumsnet until DD started asking about bottoms and DW asked me to search here to find out what the Mumsnetically Correct term was for her you know what, and then I find myself posting on lemonstartree's thread. D'oh!

Routines are everything.

It's not true that blokes can't multitask, it just doesn't come natural. Yes I miss work (well not work, rather adult interaction) and days when DD or DS or both are ill (a lot recently) can mean no adult contact, Chris and Sue off CBeebies excepted, which is tough, but it's just the same as SAHMs have to face. The main difference is women can find it easier to break into toddler group cliques and school gate gangs - but if he already knows your friends from a/n classes and other SAH mums, then that's not always an issue. There is also some antagonism/head scratching from work mates/mates in general, but when they realise that he's getting amazing quality time with his children that they know they are missing with theirs and he can have the test matches on Sky Sports 1 on all day at the same time, it soon turns to envy. Hobbies in evenings and weekends out of the house with others - sports/band/pub - help with the feelings of isolation that sometimes rear their head.

Check out www.homedad.org.uk for a group of blokes in the same position, but tell him to keep checking MN for tips/ health issues / recipes.

So far as the mum is concerned, my DW, while missing the DCs, feels happy and confident that they are with someone who loves them as much as she does and who is prepared to put them before everything else.

Good on him (and you) BTW.

littlemisspiggy · 17/03/2006 15:12

My DH is a SAHD. He is great at cooking,diy & fixing things around the house but rubbish at cleaning (although he doesn't think so). DS goes to nursery 2 days a week. It makes sense economically for us although I must admit I do feel the odd pang of jealousy. DH does the odd bit of buying and selling on Ebay to supplement funds and help him feel like he's also doing something 'adult' IYSWIM.
Ds does seem to have a few pyjama days though.

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