Resenting my teenagers

[TheBeadle]

Hi all,
This is my first post here and is unfortunately quite negative. I?m not really looking for advice as I know there is nothing I don?t already try with my 14 and 15 year old kids. I just feel very stressed this morning and need to vent. I want to say I h*te my kids and I don?t want to be the only one who feels that way.
Read on for why my kids are making me sick.

?Won?t accept any of my input school/social which makes me resentful as I although I persevere I?d rather be doing something else

?Won?t accept that my role is not that of a slave but as a teacher trying to make them ready for independent living
Simple things like respecting our living space, removing crockery and rubbish from thier room, ensuring washing is in the bathroom etc

?They refuse to be responsible with small amounts of money so cannot save up and then complain or steal from me when they want something I?ve said no to

?Seem disgusted if I take time to do something for myself such as going to university or having friends who they don?t know

?Scream and swear at me if I say no to going out after 9pm or refuse to have their friends stay over, the oldest one attacks furniture and breaks things

?Accuse me of being a bad mother if I don?t concede to all of their whims, which I don?t so in their eyes am a bad mother

I?m really unhappy about living with people like this. They are my children but that doesn?t mean I can?t see what selfish, greedy, inconsiderate girls they are and I don?t like them at all.
I?m sure I didn?t bring them up like this, I was always very attentive when they were small but my parenting has obviously changed as they got older and they won?t accept that I am not thier housemaid and they?re not the Kardashian sisters or some other pampered celeb twits.
In all honesty I count the months until they?ll leave home but I also worry that they won?t be ready to look after themselves properly as they refuse to take in anything I try to teach them.

I really don't know what to say... this behaviour is absolutely appalling!

I'm not a mother of teenagers, but a lot of people that I know have spoken about 'phases' of really tough times where the DCs are totally untrustworthy, unreliable and generally a pain to be around. I hope it passes shortly for you

I would call a family meeting and tell them exactly how you want them to behave. If necessary put it in writing , the chores you want them to do and other details such as how much pocket money they will get . Let them have their say as well . Then stick to what is agreed , if the washing doesn't make it to the laundry bin it won't get washed , if rubbish piles up in their rooms it's them that have to live with it. If they run out of money - tough ! Don't engage in pointless arguments with them , life's too short, and if you want to do your own thing with your friends do it.

I'm the mother of teenagers and can recognise some of the behaviour you mention. Try posting in the Teeangers section of parenting where there are lots of posters dealing with similar issues and experienced parents of teens.
It might help to separate the merely annoying behaviour from the truly unaccetable - and try to tackle to truly unacceptable stuff. Lleaving a mess might be annoying to me but stealing from me unacceptable.

Oh you poor thing, teenagers can be appalling. I have 3 now, and ime it IS a phase, and they DO come out the other side. However, going through it is a complete nightmare, and it is completely normal to hate them at times.

Mine are boys and their main problem is laziness, so I completely sympathise about the dirty crockery, piles of washing all over their floors, wet towels strewn about etc etc. The advice from Flora is good, a family meeting - with BOTH sides airing grievances, an agreement over what is acceptable, clear expectations over chores - a written rota is a good idea - all this will help for a while. But be warned it is hard work on your part to keep up and involves a LOT of nagging (mine bicker constantly over who' turn it is, who's done the most ect) and, I hate to be negative, but it will most probably ultimately fail.

Hopefully they will grow out of it though, and you will regain your sanity and a good relationship with your children.

I thought my 19yo would not cope at all with real life at Uni and having to take care of himself and manage money etc. but he's been there a year and it has been the making of him. I like him much more now and have been really impressed with how he has managed. He's turning into a lovely young man.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, so hang in there. GOOD LUCK.