Shouty mum looking for advice...

[Inaminutenow]

I know it's wrong and it's not good for the DCs or myself (or DH), but as much as I try and stay calm when things go wrong or the DCs don't listen, I very often resort to shouting at them to get my point across. They are 6 and 3 and do not listen very well. I presume they are lovely children in school, nursery, with the childminder etc, as nobody has ever said anything, but I just feel like I have little control over them. I'm not telling them off over small things, but when I do say something it's as if what I have said counts for nothing. It gets me sooo frustrated! I've tried the naughty step, but probably not correctly. I think the DCs actually enjoy watching me lose it...
I was hoping you'd have some advice for me on how to handle things better. Maybe I'm just too impatient or expecting things of the DCs that are unreasonable, I just don't know. I feel that I sometimes don't enjoy having the DCs as much as I should, as they can be totally loving and great fun. Please help.

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say - me too! :( you are not the ony one. I only have one DD and she is 7 and it needs to stop because now she is responding in kind.

I think there is a book called "How to talk so your children will listen" or some such which is supposed to be good, but I haven't had time to order it as I'm so worn out from all that shouting!

Do you count?

Counting does cut out about 50% of my shouting.

And I say, 'Don't make me shout, I've asked nicely twice, it's much better when I don't have to shout' a lot, so that cuts down a bit more.

I've been the same today ... Thekids haven't even been too bad but I have really bad pmt today!!! mine are 7 and 3 and mornings are always my shorty time.. Like Nagoo I always say ' I've asked you nicely numerous times, don't make me shout.'. This normally work for my 7 year old but dd (3) is just a law unto herself at the moment with her diva behaviour!! But that's another thread.

No advice, but I think most of us mums have our shouty moments... Doesn't make us feel better though.

I do what Nagoo says. I count down which works most of the time. If that doesn't work I ask them if they want "shouty mummy to come out"! If that doesn't work..... I shout, then I feel bad!

Deepen your voice. It does work, honestly. Counting is good too.

Thanks for all your advice, will try counting, different voice, should really have thought about those myself... Also good to know I'm not the only one, as everywhere there seems to be only great mums who are endlessly patient with their DCs, have got different ways of dealing with situations etc.
I just want to be a good mum, but I feel that I could be destroying my relationship with my kids in the long run, if this continues. Totally holding my hands up that I need to change. Thanks again!

Try marbles (or similar). My DS has a jar of 20 marbles, he loses one for every time he's 'naughty'. At the end of the day he gets a sticker on a chart for every ten marbles he still has. When the chart is full he gets a treat. I'm a bit shouty too. My DS came up with this one - I have a cup of 5 marbles. Whenever I shout I lose a marble. I need 5 marbles a day to get a (pen-drawn) star on my DS's chart at the end of the day. I have to have 20 stars to get a treat i.e. new book, pedicure, perfume etc. I let my DS tell me when he thinks I'm shouting, and since I started it I haven't shouted once!

I too am shouty.
When I shout they stop listening.
Things that do work when I remember to do them:
lower voice, quiet voice, and definite deadline that will be carried out (as in, if I have to ask you to do that again, I will confiscate your ds for one day)
Then count. Don't make the mistake of counting slowly, my ds waits til I have reached 4 (out of 5) before he moves. Ds is 10, dd1 7 and dd2 4.
Then always, always carry out deadline. even if it makes you really mean for a while, so they know that you mean what you say.

BUT, I have a 4yo, and I think that when she doesn't want to do it, none of the above works. I go with the 'take them and do it with them' approach. This basically means that if I want her to put on her shoes, then I have to go and get her, hold her hand and take her to the door, sit her down and put the shoes on. Asking her and expecting her to come is just a recipe for disaster, she is too young when she is in that frame of mind to do it.