Help! My 9yo is eating way too much, and has been for some time.

[EatingTooMuch]

Very long-timer here, but have namechanged for DD's privacy. She's started puberty very early, and has small breasts and smelly armpits. And she's been overweight for some time now. She's a long way from being obese, but my biggest concern is why this is happening, and it's because she eats, and eats and eats. And she does it to the extent that I think there is more going on here than simply enjoying her food. When she's miserable, she eats even more...but occasionally she refuses to eat as well.

I'm completely confused by it, and don't know what to do. I don't want to make a big issue out of it by restricting food - I know how easy it is to crave things you're not allowed. We don't have treats in our house very much at all. It's all healthy stuff she's eating - just masses and masses of it.

I have to really bite my tongue not to say 'OMG, you're not eating AGAIN are you?!', but she says she's just hungry all the time...which I'd be fine with if she was slim. I'd just trust that she needed all the extra food to grow and to do puberty...but she's not slim, she's chubby.

I was constantly ravenous as a teenager, and was chubby too. Perhaps try things that fill you up longer? Soup is good for that.

I just don't know if she really is hungry or if she's eating because it's habit, or miserableness, though

I would suggest not buying picky type foods or if you do restrict them. You could tell your dd that it is too expensive to keep replacing the 'goody' type foods. I think you need to take a little control back over your kitchen and not allow her to just help herself. If you notice she is miserable and wanting to make herself feel better with food distract her with something else instead. Little things like painting her toe nails or going out for a walk will help her to stop associating food with comfort. Plus, if you do it together you might find she actually talks about what is bothering her. xx

What is it that she's eating?

She could be thirsty and confusing the signals for hunger not something I would do, oh no siree . Ask her to drink a full glass of water before eating anything.

Portion out the food, so there isn't enough for large helpings, or for lots of seconds or thirds. If it's not there, she can't eat it!

Make sure that when you cook family meals, you aren't adding calories unnecessarily (eg cook in a minimum amount of olive oil, rather than butter)

Serve a snack when she gets home from school, but make sure this is portioned as well, and taken from what you consider to be her ideal daily amount of food (so, for instance, if she has bread at snack time, she doesn't have more bread for tea).

Make sure she is getting an hour of excercise every day (don't assume this happens at school during playtime-alot of girls this age simple walk round or sit on the benches chatting, and very rarely run anywhere!). It may be necessary to take her swimming a couple of times, use the Wi, join a class/club together to ensure she is motivated to do this.

Above all, don't make an issue of it, don't mention anything to her about what you are doing, just quietly and calmly take control.

Good luck, OP. I wish my mum had been this aware when I was 9, instead of feeding me huge portions, whilst at the same time telling me I had 'puppy fat' and that it was genetic .

What about exercise, does she do any? Can you sign her up for dance classes or football or something? What about going for long walks together, a good time to chat about any worries she has.

You say "when she's miserable", what is she miserable about? 9 year olds shouldn't really be miserable unless something serious is going on.

Thank you everyone. She doesn't really get enough exercise, but neither is she a couch potato. Easier said than done to get time walking with her alone, but V good idea - will try to fit it in.

She raids the fridge for leftovers and pieces of ham, bread, cheese. There are no biscuits or cakes or crisps in the house, and she's good at not helping herself to those if we do have them in. But if one of her siblings or she bakes a cake, she'll nibble it all day unless I get it out of her reach.

The thing is her siblings are all v slim, so I kind of want to get them eating seconds if they want it and it makes an issue out of it if I say yes to them but no to her.

She has some self-esteem issues, and I know it's normal for nine-year old girls to struggle with the transition from little girl to pre-teen...and she's having to manage the beginnings of puberty as well much younger than she would normally.

When she's going through a bad adolescent-style patch and acting up, we notice she eats more then. It's like she doesn't like her behaviour, and translates that to not liking herself, and then her looks, and then gets in a cycle of punishing herself by behaving worse and eating more. I don't understand how to help her break out of it, but I'm doing my best - reading, talking, and also talking to her and listening to her.

But even if the root of the overeating can ultimately be fixed, in the meantime she's getting bigger and bigger :( I think taking control of the kitchen is the right idea. And also drinking more water.

I'll try and do some just dance with her every day - in the absence of being able to get out and walk daily because of the other kids, it'll be a start and something she can do with me.

And I'll take her for long walks or bike rides when her dad's around. Thank you - felt a bit adrift back then, but feel like I have a bit of a plan now.