Issues with crying it out!

[Flosie1989]

Ok firstly I just wanted to say that I have never let my 4 month old DD cry it out nor will I ever do so.

The thing is I've been reading a lot about the long term effects that crying it out can cause later on in life, social issues etc which is why I'd never do such a thing. But all people (mainly family) keep saying to me is "be strong and let her CIO" or "it won't take long until she learns who's boss" and comments like this are really starting to bother and upset me. I don't have the bottle to say to MIL if my baby girl needs me then she needs me. Everyone tells me how much I've spoilt her etc.

My dad in the past has said to me (when DD was 1 week old!) "have you considered letting her cry at night?" he told me that when I was 4 weeks old him and my mum left me to cry downstairs for seven hours and I never cried during the night again - I wonder why! This on its own is bothering me as maybe this explains some of the issues I have experienced growing up, at least I don't remember it though. I just can't help in feeling anger towards my Dad about this now as I really disagree with it and especially now I know how special it feels to be a parent.

Basically this is a bit of a long pointless post but I just had to air my frustrations! I'm fed up with people telling me to leave my baby daughter to cry and to stop spoiling her :-(

Also it's a total myth, I'm afraid, (however convenient) that the neuroscientific research demonstrating damage to baby brains from prolonged crying has all been done on severely neglected children.

Flossie, there's no need to feel silly saying that - it's true, it is very very sad that you were left and that other babies are left, routinely, to cry for a long time.

if there is ever a consensus on MN it's about CIO - controlled crying gets a big argument going, but you'll find very few people on here are ever in favour of CIO. There are far, far better ways if you want to go down the sleep training route.

I never bothered - mine slept eventually, if they were fed and happy it was usually very quick. If they couldn't for some reason I saw it as my job to find out why, and try and help them - not just shut the door and wander off.

Oh and it can be very dangerous in an immediate and physical sense, too - people mention how their baby has worked itself into a state of hysteria, and been sick, even choked. If it suddenly goes quiet, how do you know if the child is asleep or has come to harm.

It's just an awful way to try and train your child.