What would be your dream age gap?

[k2togm1]

I asked my grandmother and she said 'a lifetime', is she right? What would be yours?

In hindsight I would have liked to get pg when first ds was about 12 months old.

But thought looking after 1 was hard enough so put off trying again for 3 and a half years.

There will be 16 months between ds2+3

Got 1 DS of 17 months, just started trying for DC2 so will be between 2.3 - 2.6 years (hopefully!) between them. I've been broody for months but glad now we decided to wait until DS was a bit older.

Really??? Why so close? What do you guys know that I don't?

I don't want to go back to sleepless nights and cluster feeding while also doing a school run :)

I also think that even now my memory of how tough to expect the first few weeks to be is fading. I don't want to go into it all feeling like a new mum again.

I have 2yrs 1mo, then 2yrs, 9mo in between my three. Not intentionally, but it feels about perfect. The only times I regret it are when I see friends whose children are just one year apart at school and who are great friends. Mine definitely have a 'little sister' approach to their friendship. I would like a closer gap if I am going for a fourth

I've got 22mo between DS and DD, and so far (DD only 6 wks) I think it's about right. Because of the way their birthdays fall, they will be in consecutive school years. It's bloody hard at the moment, but I think there's more value in having a sibling if you can hang out as equals in childhood (that's personal- my sister and I are 15 mo apart and I had a positive experience of that- other people might well disagree). However, most of my friends with similar gaps say that when they get to 2&4, they entertain one another pretty much full time, although of course there are spats.

I think it's a case of if you're getting two 5 year sentences and the judge asks you if you want to serve them concurrently or consecutively, you'd be crazy to say consecutively

4 years which has worked really well for us, DS1 thinks of DS2 as his son I sometimes think. He is mostly very protective and loving towards him. With the odd bit of bickering thrown in for good measure

i think small age gaps are really lovely
but i just couldn't face effectively having two babies at once, even though it's not for long
it was only when dd1 reached about 2.5 that i could even begin to contemplate TTC, so we've got 3.5year gap.

I don't know. They all have their merits I think.

Dh was chatting to a bloke the other day who had 3 dcs with about a year between each. He and his dw had decided to get all the baby sleepless stuff out of the way in one go.

I have 2 years between ds1 and dd then 3 years between dd and ds2 so 5 between ds1 and 2.

I look at ds1 and dd playing together (when not fighting!) and think how wonderful that they are a lovely little unit. Then they fight and it drives me mad that thay are close in age like that. I see ds1 and ds2 together and how great ds1 is with him being that bit older than dd and I think how lovely a 5 year age gap is and how great it would be sometimes to be able to take the older one to school and then spend all day at home with the baby and devote time to him without having a preschooler in the way! On the other hand when he is a toddler he will be an annoyance to his brother not a playmate like dd is.

Like Charlotte I could only start thinking about it when DD was about 2.

I think it all depends if you wotk its better to have bigger gaps as its harder work, lots to juggle,dont want to pee your boss off.If your not working whenever really.

With a smaller gap, and with second pregnancies, you just know what to expect. Your approach is more realistic rather than romantic.

You know how tired you're going to feel. You know how hard it is at times. You've tried and tested different milks, nappies, routines etc and you know what works for you and what doesn't.

With a smaller gap, (for me) they'll grow up together, hopefully play together, and you can get all the nappy and bottles bit over and done with and get your life back. Hard for a couple of years, but after that it's fine.

It all depends if your planning a few as well.Think its cheaper if you spread them out

We have a 19 month gap, and I love it. I'm delighted to be getting all the tiny baby stuff out of the way. I had a dread of getting over the baby stage and then having to go back to it (it's not my favourite thing!) so this way we're getting it all over with at once.

And the kids are mad about each other, there hasn't been any jealousy at all (DS is 7 months now).

Plus we nearly lost DS at birth and he was in hospital for a month. DD was so little that she didn't realise what was going on. It would have been tough getting an older child through that experience.

So I guess it's a really personal thing isn't it?
I lean towards a big age gap precisely for the reasons other lean towards small gaps, I can't imagine myself with two little ones, ds uses up both my and dh's energy (and patience) on his own, and I reckon he would really resent the fall in attention he gets if there was another baby (ds is 18mo). I love being able to dedicate myself to him and would love to give the same to another one if there ever is another one.

Although I hated the baby stage I also feel I missed it as I had PTSD and didn't really pay attention and would love to do all the things I didn't with ds (skin to skin, massages, enjoying their smell, wearing in a sling and things like that). I still have dh to convince to have a dc2 though!

Honestly I thought more of you would rather have a bigger gap, so thanks for surprising me!

2.5 yr gap seems good to me. I wouldnt want to have a smaller gap as having two babies at the same time may have pushed me to the brink. A bigger age gap would mean they would be less likely to have shared toys and interests.

It really does depend what your first child is like. DD is very accepting of having a brother, and doesn't mind sharing us. My BIL and his wife just had their second, with the same age gap as us, and are having a much harder time. Their first is very jealous and clingy.

So yes, a very personal thing.

Spot on some0ne, I've been struggling with the idea of making such a life-changing decision based on my wants, when perhaps the best thing is to base it on what your family needs. Thanks all for sharing.

I'd like to have had another within two years of each other (like someone else said, doing school runs on sleepless nights sounds crap) but funds don't allow so I doubt I'll have another till my first is in school and he is only 3 at the moment.

Depends on temperament of oldest. From experience, if tricky child leave longer!
I had less than 2 years. Like someone else has said - now 2 and 4 is great. But was seriously hard to start with and I felt like I wasn't getting to enjoy the good bits of each but just struggling through. Each of mine have changed loads between 1 3/4 and 2 1/4 and so I would go for 2 1/4 + gap, though consider less if easy 1st child!