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Original poster

Strangers assuming they have rights?

44 replies

BethanyC · 07/09/2012 17:21

Me and the hubby had a baby boy last November and we just adore him. One thing that crops up from one time to another is random people assuming they have some right over him. When he was about two months old we took him with us to our shopping centre to stock up on some stuff, he was dozing in his car seat so I sat with him whilst my husband bobbed into a shop. When we were sat there, a little girl about five and her father came up and the father said: "Can she hold the baby?" I said: "Sorry, honey, he's just fallen asleep," The father replied: "And? Just a quick hold, she likes babies," I replied. "I normally would but he's been cranky lately because he's not sleeping well," This went on for a couple more times before the father. WHO I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN MY LIFE said to his daughter. "Just pick him up," To which I grab the car seat and stand up saying. "C'mon Joey, let's go and find daddy," He then says. "She just wanted to hold him, who the do you think you are?" ... His mother, you cretin?

I could go on and on, but I'd be here all day. Is it just me who had strangers come up or has anyone else encountered some wierdos in their time?

OP posts:

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PurpleAndPoppyWearer · 07/09/2012 20:12

It could be cultural. DH grew up as a blond child in the far east (not China) and was forever being patted by strangers in the street. In South Africa, DD (hair colour is irrelevant in SA) as a baby was often whisked away from us in restaurants to go and meet the kitchen staff. The latter sat oddly with me but I had been forewarned, I had to chill out about it, and it was fine.

Or this could be BS .

MaryPoppinsBag · 07/09/2012 20:20

I have hypothyroidism and had no idea that I was a cretin.

StormGlass · 07/09/2012 20:28

I've never had a complete stranger asking to hold DS.

I've had strangers grin at him and stroke his hand or pat him on the head, but that's as far as they've gone.

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BartletForTeamGB · 07/09/2012 20:29

Mary, you are probably okay! Cretin was the old-fashioned medical word for someone born with hypothyroidism, with congenital hypothyroidism. The effects of not treating it early mean that a child will have significant learning disabilities, which is why every baby gets checked as part of their Guthrie screening.

nailak · 07/09/2012 21:03

purplepoppy In south Africa my asian skinned dark hair kids were often taken away to meet kitchen staff too... I think other cultures just have different attitude to kids!

choccyjules is there a reasoning behind cretin=hypothyroidism? I am interested! and is there a name for hyperthryroidism too? likes Graves disease?

YBR · 07/09/2012 21:06

my experiences is that many people smile, chat etc at DD (now 9mo), few who we don't already know touch (except toddlers who don't know the difference between baby and dolly).
One old lady at church does seem to think she has rights in our baby which annoys me. She says things like "I've not had my cuddle yet" and always reaches out to grab baby's arms/legs and waggle them. There are a few more who are a bit insensitive to when she's tired or whatever.
Never had any stranger act like that though.

smearedinfood · 08/09/2012 09:25

Very strange for the man to do that surely since he's had a baby he's knows you should leave them sleeping. DSIL always wanted to wake DS up for a cuddle when he was a baby, then she had one of her know and then totally knew to leave sleeping babies sleep...

I was chased out of a supermarket by a batty old woman once when DS was a baby saying you look like a strong young woman you should have another one don't leave him lonely ... Don't leave him lonely..

I think it's up to me who comes in and out of my fanjo thank you very much...

bobbledunk · 08/09/2012 21:33

Very weird, never come across that type of looney. Practice a harsh looking bitchface, every woman needs a killer bitchface.

MahnaMahna · 08/09/2012 22:04

When DD was 5 weeks old I was at in Cafe Nero with my friend when I saw an old lady approaching. She came over to the table and said 'oh he's beautiful!' (DD was dressed completely in pink) to which I replied 'Oh she's a girl, but thank you.' The lady then asked if she could hold her, I politely declined due to her being asleep. The lady then came around the back of me and put one arm over each of my shoulders so she could cuddle the baby, and I quote..'get a better look from this side.'

I felt very uncomfortable, but I figured that she probably thought nothing of it. As according to my Nana who is 88, people were more comfortable with things like that 'back in the day'.

Cynner · 08/09/2012 22:13

My son was born at 32 weeks. We tried to keep him from crowded places as much as possible, but if we were out and approached by a a zealous stranger, my husband used to smile and say "You can touch him, but you must touch me first". This statement usually stopped them dead in their tracks.

CommanderShepard · 09/09/2012 18:46

...are you in the UK?

WandaDoff · 09/09/2012 18:49

This sounds unlikely.

doublecakeplease · 09/09/2012 22:18

We live up north - people are always touching / tickling / asking to hold ds - especially when he was newborn. He was prem and tiny so a bit of a novelty.

Woman in a lift reached in and put his dummy in (only had it for sleeps - was quite happy without it!) when he was about 6 weeks

Woman in a cafe LICKED her finger and made the sign of the cross on ds' head (we're not religious) as she passed by

Woman I'd never met reached out her hands and said 'I've never held one that small, give me a go'

I could go on forever!

MyOrangeDogShitsGoldMoney · 09/09/2012 22:25

That didn't happen OP.

Sorry, I never call on stuff like this but if it did happen it certainly didn't happen the way you just told it.

Goldchilled7up · 09/09/2012 22:33

I'm sorry but I can't get myself to believe this is true

HolyParalympicGoldBatman · 09/09/2012 22:38

Maybe he thought he was one of those reborn dolls? Do you look a bit like you have a fairly loose grip on reality OP?

Ozziegirly · 10/09/2012 06:22

The only time something similar has happened was when we were on an Ethihad flight back to the UK. My DS is v fair and blue eyed and about 3 or 4 lovely middle eastern youngish women (I guess late teens) asked to have him sit on their lap for a bit.

He was a lover of all attention so I let him (he was 8 months). He also went through Abu Dhabi airport in the baby bjorn waving at everyone (had just mastered it) and even quite stern looking men waved back and smiled.

Was fab!

GalaxyDefender · 10/09/2012 09:38

OP, I don't doubt this happened to you. With pregnant women and new babies both, people seem to think they're public property. I wouldn't dream of even going too near someone else's newborn. I'll look, and aaaaah, but no way would I ask for myself to hold one, let alone ask for a small child to do so! People, I'm afraid, are just weird.

We were in a shop a while back with then 1yo DS (red-blond hair, huge blue eyes), and there was a large group of Asian tourists who, as one, squealed "So cute, so cute!" and started stroking his hair and taking photos So I agree that it could also be a cultural thing. I'm lucky in that my DS adores attention from any source, he was lapping it up

Sabriel · 10/09/2012 22:02

When I was very pregnant with DC2 we were at the beach with DD who was 17 months. I was approached in the sea by 2 women - seemed like mum and daughter - who started playing with DD. They were trying to lead her further and further down the beach, saying things like "she likes her grandma". Stupid DH was "resting" and didn't see any of this. I was getting more and more frantic. It was only when I said "oh you're getting cold - let's go back to daddy" that they backed off.

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