Struggling with ds1 (6) behaviour – any advice?

[runnervt]

e seem to be stuck in a cycle where he is aggressive and grumpy and we're grumpy and shouty. After playing wonderfully for the first half of the summer holidays with ds2 (3) he spent the second half winding him up, looking for a fight. I thought this might improve once he was back at school (in Scotland) but there hasn't been any improvement in his behaviour. Currently the main issues is that he seems really grumpy and growls at family for anything. He is also quite aggressive and charges around crashing into people. He ignores a lot of what we ask him to do which is so frustrating. When he is cheery he is lovely but I'm reaching the end of my tether. I get lots of positive feedback on his behaviour from people he sees out of the home so he obviously can behave when he wants to! We also have dd (7 months) and he's generally nice to her.

So do we ignore the bad behaviour? Or really enforce the discipline? I've had enough of him being mean to ds2 so I won't be tolerating that. Any advice appreciated!

I was just about to post with a very similar problem run :(

Our ds1 also 6 is exactly the same. He's even started growling & hitting out when he's frustrated. Could it be an injection of testosterone maybe? He seems a little out of control, which I find very worrying. We have tried calm, shouty, timeout, removing toys, pocket money etc

Hoping someone else can give you more advice.

I think the first thing you need to do is address this we're grumpy and shouty. It is hard not to shout and I do it, but notice that when I'm like this DSs behaviour is at its worst.

If he ignores you, say for instance, "DS did you hear me? Could you come here please?" If he doesn't respond go to him and if you want him to do something tell him why, and tell him the consequences if he doesn't do it.

It sounds like you are quite busy, which isn't a criticism, but do you get any time with him alone?

There are some good tips in 25 ways to talk so children will listen and Biting and Hitting: 16 ways to stop it. You might also like this book.

The thing I forgot to say is that DS was like this for a time when he was around this age and it turned out he was ignoring us because he had an ear infection .

Ooh replies!

Glad it's not just us mashedpotatohead

Thanks for the comments Jilted. You're right about his behaviour being worse when I''m grumpy. I guess I need to make more effort to be positive. Thanks for the links too. I've had a quick look at the Dr Sears one (25 ways to talk) and they look like useful sensible tips. I shall definitely try to ensure I have his full attention before asking him to do things. And keep what I ask him more simple.

I do try and have one afternoon where he comes home with me after school and ds2 is at the childminder (do still have dd but no way round that). Yesterday I didn't ask him to do his homework or get changed and we watched blind football for a while. He still got aggressive when i wouldn't give him an extra chocolate snack. I got fed up with him then and reminded him of the nice things he'd got to do which seemed to help him sort his mood. Times I have insisted on him doing his homework first often get stuck in a battle to get him to do his homework.

I will have a look at the other links now thanks.

Just to say that most of his aggression seems to be kind of playful aggression - it isn't anger generally. Like he'll come out of school and run over and charge into me or start shaking the buggy roughly.

I found the link useful too and was guilty of things like shouting instructions from another room and then kicking off when nothing was happening .

Our DS also responds much better to positive encouragement but it can be hard, especially when you are all tired can't it.

Great advice Jilted...good luck Run ;)