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Parenting

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Original poster

Crying on the Changing Table

18 replies

Boomerwang · 05/09/2012 05:00

Can anyone tell me why my 5 month baby starts crying when I change her clothes? I've figured out why she does it in the evenings, because it's when I change her from day clothes to night clothes and she gets upset because she thinks it's bedtime and she hates being put to bed. Why does she do it in the morning when I'm changing her back to day clothes? It's a right performance trying to keep her arms and legs in place and getting all the buttons done up while she's crying and grabbing at things. I've tried giving her a toy to play with but she just throws it down and keeps bawling.

What am I doing wrong, and how can I fix it please?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TanteRose · 05/09/2012 06:11

you aren't doing anything wrong

she just doesn't like being laid on her back, having her arms and legs pulled this way and that, shoved into clothes, having random toys in her face...you would cry too, probably

seriously, its just a phase - she is realising she can voice her disapproval about something and get a reaction from you.

she may be cranky from waking, or hungry for breakfast...who knows?

of course, when she starts walking/running, she will be able to get right away from you, and then when she starts talking, she will tell you exactly what she thinks of the poxy t-sheet you are trying to pull over her head

oh the fun never stops!

its your job to IGNORE all of this, sing a song if you feel yourself getting annoyed, and get on with the dressing/changing etc.

you are doing FINE

ZuleikaD · 05/09/2012 08:32

Also I wouldn't assume that the evening grumbling is because she knows it's bedtime. She just doesn't like being dressed and undressed. Try doing it somewhere else.

Rubirosa · 05/09/2012 08:38

She just doesn't like being dressed! Most babies don't. I doubt she anticipates bedtime, little babies live in the moment.

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newmum001 · 05/09/2012 08:51

Could the table be cold? Try getting her changed on your bed or even with her sat on your knee. I can't remember how old she was but there came a point when dd would wriggle and scream when i tried to dress her so i started doing it with her sat on my knee and it was much better.

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 05/09/2012 08:54

what TanteRose said. She's got opinions and emotions about things. Sometimes you can make it all better, sometimes you can't

valiumredhead · 05/09/2012 12:53

Most babies have a grizzle about being changed/dressed.

Original poster

Boomerwang · 07/09/2012 05:32

Thank you for your responses. It's good to know that it's a new phase and not something I'm doing wrong. I use a towel on top of a waterproof soft mat on the changing table so I don't think the table is cold. To be honest she's starting to object to a few things and embrace new things now, so perhaps it is all just part of growing up after all.

Thank you for putting my mind at ease.

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ISeeThreadPeople · 07/09/2012 05:49

At 5 months they're ready to sit unaided so lying them on their backs goes against everything in their funny little brains and they screech endlessly. I'd keep her on her back only when necessary ie for nappy changes and then dress her on your knee, sitting up, making a game of it. DS is 12mo and still hates lying down. Only now he's strong and mobile. So when you reach for wipes he gets up and runs away.

DD was exactly the same. No way would any dc with a brain trying to make the leap to sitting up want to be put on their back and wrangled about. And boy do they let you know about it.

JamieandOscarSittinginATree · 07/09/2012 18:48

Then they start rolling over and crawling away with a pooey bum. That's fun

Original poster

Boomerwang · 08/09/2012 14:16

ISee my girl is nearly 6 months now (I didn't realise until I worked it out) and she can't sit unaided at all. She falls straight over.

To be fair, I've never tried to 'train' her to do anything. Should I be doing that? Is that what people do? Or do I just wait until it happens naturally?

Oddly, today I have changed her 5 times and she has sat perfectly still, just like a doll, and just stared at me. She's a funny thing

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TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 08/09/2012 14:30

DS is 18mo and has screamed when we change him for the past year. It is extremely irritating and exhausting. He also gets up and runs off, frequently, which, when he's covered in shit, is just loads of fun.

No idea why, so no advice... Just thought I'd share to make you feel better! He quite likes having his clothes changed, it's just the nappy bit he hates.

Lately he has started telling us after he's had a poo so fingers crossed it won't be long before we can start potty training...

Napdamnyou · 09/09/2012 20:42

You could try just speed changing their nappy on the table and then sitting them on your lap to do clothes,whilst they look at something interesting.

BoomerGold · 10/09/2012 07:38

Honestly, no sooner had I posted this than she had changed her ways drastically. Now she lies there like a dead weight just staring at me.

cloudhands · 10/09/2012 08:58

Hi there, I had a similiar thing with my daughter, she always cried when her head went through the hole of a t shirt or I pushed her arms through her sleeves. I read a lot of articles from the hand in hand parenting website, and one thing I read really struck me. The writer, Patty Wipfler, explained that putting on clothes can be a trigger reminding a baby of the constriction they felt when being born. I've just had a look for the exact article, but I couldn't find it, but i did find this one, Helping Children Through Fears which explains how to help when a child is using an everyday situation to express fear about what happened in the past.

basically in a nutshell, what I did with my daughter was to move very slowly to putting on the clothes to gently take one arm, and then another, if she cried I would stop what I was doing, I woud hold her, reassure her, look into her eyes, tell her she was safe, and then slowly move to continue, she would start to cry and then after getting all her tears out, (basically crying releases stress hormones in the tear, so she is literally ridding herself of all the fear from an earlier time in her life)
anyway after all the crying stopped she let me put on her clothes, and she rarely cries anymore when I do it. If she does cry, it's a sign she's feeling a bit stressed or tired, and I simply repeat the process and she relaxes.
I have repeated the same process with other things by daughter didn't like such as lying on her back to get a nappy changed, (I would gently put her back, and reassure her as she cried, till now she always lies on her back to get her nappy changed),
having her mouth washed after eating, she hated that, and teeth cleaning, which she now loves!!

Hand in Hand Parenting is AMAZING by the way, they teach a parenting approach which explains that our children are naturally 'good' and co-operative, they want to work with us not against us! but when they have experienced scary or stressfull or difficult times in their lives, their emotions go off track, and they behave in a non-co-operative way,

there is also info on the website about playing games to elicit laughter, laughter is another way, fear and tension is released from the body,

hope that helps.

cloudhands · 10/09/2012 09:15

oh my daughter is 1 btw so quite capable of crawling off !!

BoomerGold · 10/09/2012 18:13

That's really interesting cloudhands because my daughter also dislikes things being put over her head, but surely she couldn't remember her own birth? Is it an instinct? She doesn't like me wiping her mouth but I make a game out of it now and she's more tolerant. When I whip off something over her head I put my face down to kiss her and she gives me a huge grin so it's over in a matter of seconds.

She's still doing the dead weight thing, and my boyfriend is getting it too so maybe she's learnt that it's over faster if she sits still... I don't know.

BoomerGold · 10/09/2012 18:15

Btw I don't read any parenting books. The only ones I have read are the mumsnet guides which are general info books. Up to this point I have just responded to what the baby wants when she wants it. Does that have a name? It seems to be working so far.

cloudhands · 10/09/2012 18:36

boomergold, I do read parenting books but you know, responding to what the baby wants like you're doing is a fantastic way to parent! I just read to improve on my natural insincts, if you see what I mean, or to get help when I'm not sure what to do.

Actually from what I've heard from people doing hand in hand parenting, young children can remember their births, (for instance a four year old I read about, was crying, and verbalising stuff about his birth, and being stuck)
I'm not sure in what way babies 'remember. it may not be that they get a conscious memory of birth, when the t shirt is pulled over their head, but that it feels scary and uncomfortable because unconsciously it reminds them of their birth, (hope that makes sense!)
making jokes about it like you're doing, is one way to release the fears, we do do a lot of this stuff naturally, as is going slowly if she's crying, but to keep trying to do what you're doing, so she can face and overcome her fears. My daughter is really happy to have stuff over her head now, she helps me pull it over, and sometimes, grins a bit if it gets stuck, rather than cry like she used to

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