Child Led or Parent Led... Different Styles

[iMoniker]

I see more and more reference to child/baby led, unschooling, attachment parenting and other similar catchwords/phrases.

Anybody keen to discuss - pro's/cons etc.

Personally, I prefer parent led. I run a reasonably strict home, kids follow a routine and always have done. I don't think either is right or wrong - so please don't let this thread descend into a debate.

I am always open to other ideas and change, so would be interested to hear your point of view - either way.

It sounds like your DCs have a great time Gilberte - I'm not nearly so adventurous, though probably have a similar philosophy

Well I'm only adventurous because I can't stand the moaning and fighting if I don't keep them busy. I work part-time so don't have to "entertain" much of the week so when I'm around I feel more inclined to do stuff with them and not so tired.

I think I'm just a bit more "No, you can't jump on the furniture, or play with food" But mine are a bit older and we've just been out to a nice park for the afternoon where they played on the adventure play stuff and all over each other

Water outside is a good one though - or in the bath !

I prefer not to have a label, but if I must, I'd go with 'heart-led parenting', because that's what we do. We listen to our children, we don't make rules just to make life easier for us, and we don't have strict routines just because we've been told we ought to...but we do have daily patterns that I can't cope without being adhered to, and I also listen to my children's spirits ie. the bit that shows me what they're saying isn't necessarily true.

Above all, I listen to my heart. If it really, really doesn't feel right, after cutting out all the culturally conditioned crap I carry, and the weight of trying to be a 'good mum' and/or trying to fit into a certain mould (which we all try to do from time to time, even if we deny it vehemently ), then we don't do it. And vice versa - introducing a routine because it makes sense to our hearts, or our souls, or our conscious awareness, or whatever you want to call it, is clearly the best way to go.

And that best way may change, and usually does, as time goes on. What works in the summer won't necessarily work in the winter, or even the summer after. What works with one child won't necessarily be helpful to the second, or the third.

I think labels are very unhelpful because they stop us from listening to that inner voice that speaks the truth, because we're too busy thinking 'I shouldn't put my baby in a cot because I'm an attachment parent' even if it actually is the most sensible thing to do in that situation. Or 'I will leave my baby to cry because I'm a parent-led parent and we 'tell them who's boss' parents won't let our babies manipulate us' even though we're feeling sick and have tears running down our faces.

I love your post Flamingo.

Thank you - I have really taken it to heart :). It makes a great deal of sense.

One of the best posts I've ever read on MN Flamingo :):):)

Wow, thank you! :)

I would say I do a mix of both, a lot of things are non-negotiable and sometimes he doesn't get a choice - I cook one meal for everyone and everyone eats the same (pretty much - I make adaptations for veggie DS1 and the fact that DS3 doesn't like spicy food) but they eat what I choose. My older boys are 14 and 18 so most of my parenting in this style doesn't affect them. DS3 is 5 and gets to choose what he wears (aside from school uniform) and what he plays with etc. Activity-wise I would say I let him choose at least 90% of the time. Sometimes he has to do what I tell him ie we need to go to Tesco and I need you to come with me but then I give him a list and he helps me shop etc.