Decided to try for a second baby - terrified!

[emmyloo2]

After much thought, I have finally given my DH the green light to try for baby number 2. We have a 22 month old DS who is a delight but I really really struggled with the first year of him being a baby. He was a relatively easy baby I guess, but I found the whole adjustment to life with a baby very difficult. The total lack of control and I was very very anxious about his sleep and my lack of sleep. I felt quite house bound by it all and when I returned to work full time when he was 4 months, I felt much happier. I just struggled with the change in lifestyle and loss of freedom. Now I guess I am used to 6pm to 7.30pm of every single night being bath time and bed time and there being no reprieve from that. I find it much easier but he is also easier as he talks now and we can take him out and about on the weekend without worrying about his sleep.

I am honestly terrified of going back to those dark days of a new baby and trying to get them to self settle and learn to sleep in their cot etc etc etc. and them crying and you not knowing what to do. However, I guess i have to face the fear and do it anyway because our family does not feel complete and I want a second baby and a second child. I am just dreading it all.

So wish me luck and any advice about how to make the newborn stage easier this time would be appreciated. Last time I always stayed at home for his naps and we never go do anything around his nap times. please tell me I won't be so anal time time!

Emmy

Your main concern was being stuck at home with the baby all day. This time around get yourself a sling and carry baby around with you when you go out. Sleep will happen wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Feeding can be dealt with by finding a quiet corner of a cafe or a bench in the park whether you are bf or ff - use a flask to keep liquid warm just like you would have with your first child. It's easier the second time around they say. Perhaps this time you could take up yoga or some other stress relieving activity whilst you are pregnant so that you don't work yourself up into a state about the impending birth and subsequent childcare. Your life won't change as much as you are already used to being a mother but if you think it will, make it change now by starting something new. You'll feel more in control of those changes.

As an aside, a month after our baby was born I was itching to get pregnant again as I didn't want to drag out the whole baby thing with all the tiredness and loneliness involved. I'm glad I didn't get pregnant now as I don't think I could cope with a 6 month old and pregnancy, followed by a 15 month old and a new baby.

22 months between mine. It is hard first of all with 2, but you realise straight away that you DO know what the crying means because you learn't it with dc1. And you won't care if baby has to cry for a bit because you are sorting out dc1 for 5 mins.

Mine are now 6 and 4 and best friends. I don't see them for hours at a time because they are lost in their own little play worlds. It's hard at first, but so good with 2 once past the baby stage. Good luck

It is easier the second time. Our second baby has been very difficult with reflux issues we didn't have the first time, but with every passing week experience tells you that you're a week past the worst.

I got quite miserable just before the birth as I knew newborn hell was coming, but you know it's only a month or so.

My husband had a vasectomy pretty sharpish after number 2 though - we know we don't ever want to do a newborn again.

Fwiw, you don't need to bath every night and your husband can certainly take over for a few nights so you can go out for a run/read a book.

I think I am you a few months on! Due with dc2 in 6 weeks and felt exactly the same about the first year. It's one of the reasons we cracked on fairly quickly with number 2 - a real desire to get the baby stage put of the way before life had got too much easier! No tips yet but I'm trying to stay positive about things and hoping that I will find the whole thing less worrying second te round!

A baby doesn't mean being tied down DS just gets stuck in his buggy and brought were i'm going we go out everyday. I have a huge nappy bag put enought of everything i need in it and off i go DS doesn't know any different he's used to being out so he eats and sleeps anywhere.

I'm known by an elderly neighbour as 'that wee girl who's always walking by with the buggy'

Are you me? Apart from the not going out during nap time I could have written your post op. I'm hoping the baby phase will be better as I know what to expect. But I have a feeling the window for wanting to relive the baby phase is going to be petty small!

Hi OP, just wanted to say I am in a very similar position (although I have a sneaky feeling I may already be pregnant!!!) I really really struggled to adapt when I had DD (now 20 months), she was premature and never slept longer than 2 hours day or night until she was 11 months .

One of my biggest worries is the fact that getting out was so bloody hard in the early days as DD breastfed so frequently and whilst I understand you can BF anywhere (and I did) it just meant everything took hours. I am hoping this time that given I know a little more maybe that it will be easier. I would love to enjoy the baby stage a little more this time!

honestly 2nd baby can be way way easier -you will probably find you are a lot less anxious - and my experience was BF was way easier

did you by any chance read some books about routines - maybe ditch them and go with the flow a bit more?
also you will have to go out -for your older one - as young baby my DS2 had many naps on the run -

No idea but watching this with interest! Always thought I wanted two DC but DD's first 3 months were the worst 3 months of my life, with undiagnosed reflux till she was around 13 weeks. If it wasn't for my wonderful husband I'm quite sure I would have ended up with severe PND.

She's now 7 months and a lot easier, and in many ways we were blessed because her night time sleep was always quite decent, for a breast fed baby anyway, (Daytime sleep another matter!) and I dread to think what kind of baby No. 2 would be. Have decided to stick with 1 for now but am open to changing my mind 5 years or so down the line.

Good luck OP! It must be so exciting to have made the decision to add to your family

I wasa bit like you with my first.

However with my second it isn't an option. You cant sit in all day trying to get baby to nap in cot etc with a toddler wanting to do stuff. You have to get out, you have a routine to stick to. This keeps you sane!

I found my first hard. The first few months were dark, then it got better but I was ready to return to work. This time around, it's fucking hard but but easier in some ways as I know it doesn't matter if dd doesn't self settle, or nap at the same time each day. Dd (dc2) is a harder baby - reflux etc (ds had reflux too but dd's is worse) but the time is going faster. I'm due back to work in four weeks and I feel utterly miserable about leaving my children!

Go for it, but remember that this too shall pass.