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Original poster

Mat leave nearly over - heartbroken to be leaving DD.

14 replies

furryfriends57 · 31/08/2012 15:26

Hope some of you wise MNers can give me some words of wisdom. As the title says mat leave is nearly over and I am heartbroken to be leaving DD. She is my precious miracle after many many miscarriages and being told I would never carry to term. I went to extremes to get her by trying every alternative and traditonal medication I could get and can't believe that now that she is here I am handing her to a stranger and going back to work. I can't even talk about it without bursting into tears. We need the money so being a SAHM isn't an option, I'd love to do part-time but company won't do it. Are there any other moms of miracle rainbow babies who also felt like this, I suppose just want validation really. Are there any tips on surviving this, I've a few weeks left and am graspng every moment but its flying by.
Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
ZuleikaD · 31/08/2012 15:32

Have you thought about becoming a childminder? Have a look at the Childminders, nannies forum - there's lots of stuff there about how you go about it and how much you can earn (you could take on two more in the early years age group and potentially earn £90 a day depending on demand in your area). I hated going back to work when DD was 1 and came up with the childminding plan when DS's maternity leave was ending. Going into an office isn't the only option!

scotlass · 31/08/2012 15:34

Yes I felt like this going back after my beautiful rainbow DS. The key thing in your post is staying off isn't really an option so when you have to kiss DD goodbye remember it's only till after work and she'll hardly bat an eyelid. Pretty soon it becomes normal routine and you saviour your days off.

It will be fine I promise >

1500mmania · 31/08/2012 19:02

I was worried about going back to work but I can hand on heart say I actually really enjoy. Don't agonise over going back to much as it's a waste of time. Take the bull by the horns and once you get into the rountine of things you will see there are some benefits (real life conversations, lack of constant snacking, money at the end of the month)

OLimpPickMeddles · 31/08/2012 19:06

I remember going through agonies before returning to work with DS. It felt like the end of something very special. But it WILL work out fine; you and your DD will develop a routine, and you will cope! life is full of moving-ons and new phases - you must try to embrace them, and enjoy each new milestone.

As a PS, I will be waving DS off to university next week... another era; another door closed (at least until the holidays!), but a whole new world opening up for him.

Good luck OP

Ilovedaintynuts · 31/08/2012 19:16

You have to do what you have to do.

I live in a place with almost no maternity provision, so after my miracle (3 yearsTTC, failed treatment and fell naturally) I went back to work 4 weeks after my DD was born, 5 weeks after DD2 was born.

It's horrible but the sheer joy and relief of finally having my family made it bearable. The alternative of having to work and NOT having a baby was worse.

In an ideal world I would work very part time but this ain't no ideal world. My mother told me to marry a rich man but I didn't listen... Grin

Grit your teeth. You can do it. You have been blessed, OK things aren't perfect but things will feel better when you are in the swing.

Original poster
furryfriends57 · 31/08/2012 20:33

Oh thanks so much for all your replies. I know deep down that once its done it will be fine, its the thought of it is making me so sad. As you said Olimpik its another phase and I have felt sad at each one, I was sad when she moved out into her own room. I had hoped and prayed that I'd go back to work pregnant but that hasn't happened and at 41 its unlikely to happen so I am also trying to accept that she will be an only child (even writing that has me crying again because amongst other things I dread being asked for a little brother or sister in the future Sad). I suppose its all because she is my miracle and I want to hang onto her because I won't get to do it again. Thanks for reading ....

OP posts:
Ilovedaintynuts · 31/08/2012 21:12

I assumed I wouldn't have another and fell pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 18 months. After all the 'trying' it was a one off drunken shag that did it Blush

You never know. Good luck. Your DD is so lucky having such an adoring mum.

Primafacie · 01/09/2012 02:51

Hi, just wanted to give hugs and support. I have 2DC, after 4 IVF and several related issues (lost a twin, ectopic, etc). I love my kids, I have a great relationship with them, however I work full time in the City and work very long hours. Children are surprinsingly adaptable, and will get used to whatever their routine is. We have a nanny, which helps as she is really part of our parenting team. Don't feel guilty -it's good for your child to have the role model of a working mother. You will do fine, and so will your DD.

Thumbwitch · 01/09/2012 02:58

furryfriends - I was also going to say "don't assume you can't do it again". I had DS at 40, then 3 MCs (ok, not as many as lots of ladies on here but still hard) and am now, at 45, 34w pg with #2.
There are a couple of recent threads on here about women falling pg over 42 - a surprising number of us out there! Some with intervention, others without - I had no pre-conceptual intervention but needed progesterone pessaries and clexane jabs from the off as soon as I got the BFP - so all I can say is "Never say never".

And a very useful phrase - "don't borrow trouble ahead of time" - by which I mean, don't let the future upset your present. Enjoy the time you have now with your DD without letting the end of your mat leave cloud it - take it one day at a time, relax, enjoy and above all have the best time with your DD. Going back to work won't be the end of it - it will just be temporary blips in your time together. :)

fhdl34 · 01/09/2012 06:55

Have you looked at what your take home pay is after paying out for childcare? Perhaps you could find some evening work that pays that and you wouldn't be any worse off. I've just gone back and my miracle 4yrs TTC baby is 8 months but I'm doing just 12hrs a week spread over evenings and weekends. It means DH gets some alone time with his precious girl and I can still bring in a bit of money. Money is tight but she's worth it. However, I don't have a career anymore and I appreciate those that do have to consider losing ground in their profession. My situation isn't without guilt but mine is over what I'm contributing financially to the family coffers but I don't have flexibility I had pre-DD and I'm very careful with what I spend so contribute in other ways. Good luck, I'm sure it'll go fine

Original poster
furryfriends57 · 02/09/2012 21:02

Hi, Thank you all so much for your replies Thanks, I love MNers for their support and honesty. Deep down I believe that DD will be ok, she seems very independent and adapts to different people and situations well so once I am happy with a minder she should be fine, its my worry and angst is getting in the way. I would like to continue working as I think its a good role model for her but ideally this would be part time but my company doesn't allow that. I don't really like my job either so that doesn't help but I suppose once I am back I'll focus on the money and just get on with it. Oh the joys of life Hmm!!

OP posts:
Badgerina · 03/09/2012 01:54

HUGS. I will be where you are this time next year Sad I'm sure you'll both be ok, but it doesn't make it any easier at the moment does it. More hugs Smile

mumnosGOLDisbest · 03/09/2012 02:37

this will be me in a short few months and already feel close to tears mentioning it. my dc is my 3rd but i know my last so i dont want this time to end. i feel im being cheated out of a special time however having done it before,i know it will be fine and worth it moneywise. you soon get used to it and will even enjoy the change in routine and sometimes escape. being a sahm is very wearing too sometimes.

emmyloo2 · 03/09/2012 05:15

You will be fine. It will become the norm and I promise you, when you are back at work and into the swing of things you actually don't miss them terribly during the day. I find my days go so quickly as my job is very stressful and busy, but then 5pm comes and I race home to see my DS. He doesn't go to bed until 7.30pm so I usually have 2 hours or so with him in the evenings and I have an hour or so in the mornings. It's actually a lot of time and you make it valuable quality time. Then the weekend comes and you have two full days with them. I actually find going to work a nice "break" although it is stressful and difficult. We make the most of weekends and I find the satisfaction of working and providing for my son very rewarding. Every morning I say "Mum is off to work now to pay for your gymbaroo!". Best of luck.

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