Toddler refusing to brush teeth - does it matter?

[jujumum78]

DS is almost 2yrs and will only chew not brush. He shrieks if I try to brush his teeth for him and doesn't like toothpaste (fair enough he'll only swallow it anyway!). I don't want to push him too hard because he hasn't quite got the dexterity yet and I want it to be a fun thing (I have tried making up fun songs etc while brushing). Will I really ruin his teeth if I don't force him now? They're going to fall out anyway.

Brushbaby's worked for us too. They are a bit pricey, but worth it IMO.

Actually the fluoride acts in 2 ways. It protects the baby teeth by contact, and helps with the formation of adult teeth via a systemic effect. Baby toothpastes have lower levels of fluoride and it doesn't matter if they are swallowed, all children swallow it.

Yes too much fluoride is bad, and can cause fluorosis (marks on teeth). But the people this has generally happened to were in the 70s and 80s and it was usually a combination of lots of toothpaste plus unnecessary fluoride treatments.

There is far, far more tooth decay around than fluorosis, and getting the toothpaste into their mouths is the most important part of teeth brushing for young children. They don't get gum disease yet, which is where a good brushing technique is most important.

You have to do it for him even if he screams the house down.

My 4yo still needs holding down to do it, she screams and it's not much fun but it's done in 2 mins. FWIW my 5yo does it on his own for a minute then I finish it for him, but he doesn't yell anymore.

I've never had a filling and I really don't want my kids to have any either.

I'm afraid I have to just lie ds back and brush them for him. He is 2.3, and screams, but he already has some problems with his teeth due to reflux, so trying to keep them clean is really important.

We do have a huge bundley cuddle afterwards though!

You have to force them, it is too important not to.

Wrap him in a big bath towel and lay him gently on the floor. Pin him with your knees - one each side of his body and open his mouth and brush.
It will only take a couple of times before he gets the message.

I have had a similar problem and for a while giving her a sticker after she let me brush her teeth helped lots. She also likes it when I pretend to find things in her mouth and I let her tell me what is there. Invariably it is 'Sarah, Percy and Bill' the baby Owls from Owl Babies! Occasionally she makes a big fuss so I have to take control and brush her teeth agains her will. I agree with the poster who said it is like wearing a seatbelt or holding hands to cross the road. Brushing teeth is not a choice and she is unaware of the consequences of not doing it. If she makes a fuss, she doesn't get a sticker. I am lucky that the sticker thing seems to work quite well.

Both my dc were very resistant to toothbrushing.

Like you I wondered if it really mattered his thorough they were ad long ad they get used to the idea of it. I never wanted to force them and make it a big issue. I suffered from a dental phobia due to childhood trauma so I started gently making it a game.

I would look in their mouths and say all the food they have eaten that day. "oh I can see carrots and potatoes in there!"
" let's brush them off"

I also brush mine with them and let them 'help' me.

We talk about making teeth nice and clean and strong.

We do it while they are in the bath. I got them brushes with suckers on the bottom so they get to stick them onto the side if they brush their teeth.

They fight to be first to do it these days.

Be kind, be persistent. Yes they do fall out but the back ones not until they are 10-12 years old. These teeth have to last a while. Both of mine went through phases of not liking it. We tried everything and never gave up. They got no snacks etc if they refused teeth cleaning. I told them it was not a choice. Do you take him to the dentist? Mine came with me from 18 months and the dentist would just look.
Some very good tips on here,

I have to pin my 15 month old down in order to brush her teeth while she writhes and cries (tried all the games / songs / fun approaches) and I do not think it has negatively affected our relationship at all. She is all cuddles the rest of the time. I am on the attachment parenty end of the spectrum and very keen to have a good relationship with my DDs, but agree that teeth cleaning is completely non-negotiable.

difficult situation.
I'm in the 'they need to enjoy it' camp. I think if it becomes too much of a struggle it can become a problem later on.

in our case teethbrushing is non-negotiable, but we don't force either. sometimes it takes 2 seconds, sometimes 2 minutes. we have a range of toothpastes to choose from (strawberry, sparkly, stripey) and dc decides which one to use. often the 'you do mine while I do yours' works well.

DS is 4.9 and still whinges about having his teeth brushed. I still do them for him because I was crap at doing my own and ended up with lots of fillings, even in my baby teeth and DS's dentist said it's probably better for it to be done for him until he's older. I do let him start off; but then I do the rest for him.

Some days are less whingey than others but I've shown him some beautiful pics of rotten teeth and told him that's what his could end up like if he doesn't let me brush them for him, or do it properly himself. [mean]

I had to pin DD1 down when she was younger, and now, aged 4, she does them herself fine (and I "finish them off"). I don't think she is traumatised!

It's just a phase, it's just a phase...

The trouble with not pinning them down is I worry about what will happen to there teeth, whilst i am taking the softly softly approach (ds wouldn't 'get' all the games etc).

I think the important thing with toddlers is that they submit to some form of toothbrushing and you get some fluoride into them. The message needs to be that tooth brushing is NOT OPTIONAL - and you can work on the details of good practice as time goes on - perhaps with disclosing tablets.

I had all this with my 2yo not so long ago, but I forced the tooth brush in for his own good. I don't want him having teeth like mine. It's one of these things I won't budge on, and he brushes his teeth fine now after a few weeks of screaming/wriggling etc. You get there in the end. Agree with Rubirosa earlier up the thread, really. You are the parent, and sometimes as a parent you have to do things to your child that's for their own good. If you just let them off with something that is going to help them in the long run, how would you feel later down the line when their dental health deteriorated and you could have stepped in and prevented it earlier on from the off?

DS2 doesn't like to hold my hands when we're near a road, but tough, he has to hold hands, or I have a good hold of his wrist to make sure he's not run over by a car. It's just one of those crappy elements to being a parent where you're made out to the 'baddy' until that stage passes. At the end of the day, you only have their best interests at heart.

Yes, it does matter! Of course it does! Baby teeth fall out, but the have to last quite a few years first, and trouble with baby teeth can affect the adult teeth (which are already formed and waiting underneath). Of course everyone wants their children's lives to be filled with smiles and giggles and rainbows, but sometimes we have to do things we don't enjoy. Such is life. Would you rather spend a few days holding them down to brush their teeth, until they realise it's non-negotiable, or would you rather hold a child down as the rotten teeth are removed?

Wow I can't believe it's so common to be forceful......shoot me now :-) Belindarose thanks for the brushbaby suggestion. We got one off amazon and DS loves it! It is not a replacement for brushing but a back up during the day if brushing doesn't go well. I have been working on several of the other gentle techniques and we are making headway, tho it's slow (but better than before!). He loves the routine of a song as we settle in front of the mirror to brush together, and he tries to brush my teeth too. Strawberry toothpaste helps, but I'm sure the beneficial flouride just ends up down his throat, which can't be good. Btw, cheaperthantherapy, research over last few decades has shown that flouride in the tap water does not decrease tooth decay like flouride in toothpaste can. The UK does not have worse teeth than countries with flouride in the tap water. Just out of interest though check your area as some water boards do flouridate already. I believe there is a big campaign to stop further water boards following suit as it isn't necessary apparently and not good to consume. Every toothpaste on the market has warnings on the packet about swallowing too much. Makes one think?

Too much fluoride is definitely a bad thing and can lead to fluorosis: discoloured patches on the enamel, possibly pitting of the teeth as well.
I agree that a small amount in toothpaste is a good thing, that it's important not to swallow toothpaste, and that unfluoridated water is the way to go. It's also important to stick to age-appropriate toothpaste for this reason as well.
I don't ever follow the advice of dentists/hygienists who suggest leaving fluoride toothpaste on your teeth overnight to help desensitise them - you'd just end up swallowing it all.

I wish I had read this 2 years ago! Ds is now 4 and has a hole in one of his teeth. I feel so guilty for not pushing this more, would take 3 of us to brush his teeth, 1 brushing and 2 restraining. We tried everything from character toothbrushes, to timer, to sharing brushing, games etc. Nothing worked so in the end when he was watching a DVD we would brush but wouldn't get a good enough job done.

Now, as of our dentist trip last month we insist on 2 minutes of thorough brushing. He has gotten used to it, still no angel but I think he knows we are not backing down.

juju I was in the 'don't force' camp too - until I talked to my SIL who was horrified. She was quite bossy about it which annoyed me, but also made me force-clean dd's teeth. THANK GOODNESS!!!!! Teeth-cleaning is sooooo important, and there is no way to get your child to cooperate without just overriding their protests. I used one of those finger brushes at first, which helped a bit.

My dss has about eight fillings in his teeth; my kids have none.

My son had to have a milk tooth extracted at seven years old. The experience was far worse than pinning down a two year old to have their teeth cleaned.

I would rather pin a two year old down can comfort a sobbing a child who has a tooth abcess and need a baby tooth extracted.

I think that bribary is the way forward. Ie. in the morning no CBeebies until dd's teeth are cleaned. We clean dd's teeth in the bath. If dd refuses then she is put on the naughty step until she lets us clean her teeth. DD usually has a go at cleaning her teeth then I check for "Germs and nasties" or [embrassed emoticon] "German Nasties" as dd calles them.

Reallytired worries that she has offended any german mumsnetter

Why is it bad for them to learn that there are things they may not enjoy but which still have to be done for a greater good? Isn't that an important life lesson? Otherwise I'd never brush my own teeth, do my homework, fill in my tax form, give birth, etc. Also, I don't think small children see you forcing them to do something as confusing or bad. On the contrary, they need you to lay down boundaries. They may think they are pissed off about it, but it actually reassures them and gives them security. How can you trust your mum to keep you safe, when you are very small and don't know how the world works, if she is never firm?

I'm in in the non-negotiable camp on this one. Toothache is miserable. We try and do brushing the fun way with songs etc, this works most of the time. When it doesn't, I hold DD on my knee and say we're not moving until it is done. One not-fun day is usually enough for at least another week of the fun way.

My wee boy loves toothbrushing time but doesn't do it properly and refuses to let me do it clamping his jaws shut! Tiny fiend! Anyway...it has improved with a little video on you tube ... google KidsTV123, toothbrush song. It's fairly lame illustrations but he does copy it (they also have other great songs which he loves). I bring my smart phone into the bathroom and he watches and brushes (bottom ones generally). It's entirely frustrating though...will attempt to let him brush mine while i brush his!

I am in the 'they have to do it' camp. You don't let them skip across the road on their own, or go in the car without a belt, do you?

One 'fun' technique I used to use was to get the 'sugar' on DD's teeth to 'talk' in a funny voice. 'Ha ha you'll never get me! I'm going to eat your teeth ALL night' etc. Then as she brushed them, 'aaargh, she's getting me, I'm going to hide at the back, she'll never find me there' etc etc. until she had brushed every part of her mouth.