Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

[CouthyMow]

My friend with LD's list her 8mo baby (adopted within 3 weeks of the last court date), not because she couldn't CURRENTLY manage to look after her effectively, but because 'the costs involved with helping her to effectively patent once the child is at school are prohibitive'.

It happens.

Social Services and Child Protection seems to be the one area that is immune from the Equality Act 2010.

[CouthyMow]

Yes, but ANYONE can get caught up in a situation like that. They won't all have their DC's taken into emergency FC. But you can guarantee that the epilepsy has added a massive additional element in this.

Epilepsy Action has dealt with scores of cases like this...

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

that is if the police at the time of arrest where aware of the epilepsy, otherwise that does not even come into it.

that is the problem with posting here OP you will haqve lots of this is my story...this is what happened to a friend of mine...this is...

and you have no idea what is truth and what is not truth. The facts are mistakes are made at times either side of the sword and people have very poor and also very good experiences.

you can only deal with your own situation just now and work with the autorities involved in your own family.

[CouthyMow]

Police person asks "Have you been drinking". OP replies (as is automatic for me too) "No, because I have epilepsy, and alcohol doesn't mix well with my meds"

Ergo, police person more than likely DID know about the epilepsy...

[CouthyMow]

What was the OP's automatic response upthread to being asked if she had been drinking? Exactly. I was asked that question by a charity offering me some help today, for their tick box form. My instant reply? Exactly the same as the OP's. Because it's the truth, alcohol doesn't mix well with epilepsy meds!

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

that is rubbish the individual police officer has no concern or political agenda about the alleged limited resourses that is taken to, as you suggest, care for a child and support a mother with epilepsy.

The child was removed becuse the OP was failing to display the ability to safely protect her son, he was being exposed to a very unsafe environment.

[Namechangebecause]

OP, I believe you.

I have name-changed. Only in the last week I have had SS involvement for the first time with my little boy, which began because of a bruise sustained at nursery. Though everyone agrees it happened there (noticed late afternoon in their care, not noticed earlier in they day when they should have seen it if it was pre-existing), SS were called (after we took him to the GP to check it was just a bruise). Procedure because of the unusual location of the bruise and yes, I agree at this stage this had to be written down and checked out. Obviously I want to make sure my son is protected and safe.

A couple of days later, nursery thought they saw a mark on him - 'a few red dots, it's hard to explain' is how they described it on the phone to me. They said I didn't need to leave work, that it was all fine, and then they called SS.

SS immediately took my son to hospital from the nursery (he was driven away by people he'd never met before, though we met them there) and he was seen by child protection doctors - quite scary for a two-year-old. They couldn't even see a mark - they called in someone else for a second pair of eyes who also said he couldn't see anything. They noted that the first bruise was probably from walking into something at the nursery. They closed the case 'medically' though apparently will still follow up with assessment at our home because 'it's procedure'.

My point, albeit longwinded, is that on the basis of one bruise clearly not caused by us and one mark no one else could see, nursery have brought SS into our lives to the point at which they were able to take him out of nursery and to hospital for examination. They thought of them taking my baby tears me up inside, though I know it was for his benefit. They will now check up on us at our home, despite everyone admitting that a) he had a single bruise and b) the bruise was caused at nursery.

It has been the worst week of my life - all because the nursery (which I trust as far as care is concerned) were over-vigilant after the first incident. I want them to tell us when there are problems, I want them to care for my son, but I am now worried they will ring SS for every little thing that happens, and that it is us - not them - that will face the ramifications. I think they will have some checks now, admittedly.

Nevertheless, for me, it has really opened my eyes as to how easily these situations can escalate.

Yes, it is about protecting the child, but it is very easy to make parents feel criminalised and under suspicion even when they know they have done nothing.

I don't know what the answer is, the child has to come first, but I do feel there are completely innocent parents and healthy, happy children that will end up caught up in red tape.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

a social worker can not remove a child without a police officer doing so or with out parental concent.

[changeznameza]

what time did the altercation happen? was it in the daytime or at night?

i'm not a police officer but if i saw a 2yo being threatened - by an adult with a knife, threatening to kill the 2yo lets not forget - i would be extremely worried for the safety of that child. to put it mildly.

OP, maybe trying to think about it from the other point of view will help you to form your argument. i understand you say it was a one-off, but it was unacceptable to put a 2yo in that situation. No 2yo should go through that.

sorry if that doesn't sound very sympathetic. hope you get it all sorted out somehow and can find some security and stability for your boy - i am worried for him, tbh

[FallenCaryatid]

I've seen small children who have been continuously pinched, hit with various implements, punched and wacked on the back of the legs with a flex. Burned with cigarettes not once but several times.
The point being that there have to be procedures and systems to investigate possible harm being done to the vulnerable, especially those who can't even speak or explain what's been happening. Unfortunately there will be innocents caught up in this as well, until their innocence is established. Which is traumatic for all involved, but if we don't have any proactive CP, then children will continue to be badly abused and killed and no one will be there for them.

[Namechangebecause]

If you are talking to me TheEnthusiasticTroll, I suppose I did give them permission - well they told me what was happening and I accepted it. I didn't argue. At that point I could only assume he had been hurt and so although traumatic I wanted him to be treated, it was only when I got to the hospital and he was examined that we realised there was nothing to see.

[Namechangebecause]

I agree Fallen, but it is possible to agree with that and also have sympathy for parents who are feeling bloody awful because they have been caught in the system.

I don't know if the OP's story is true/fully represented here, but I do know from bitter personal experience that you can think all is well one minute, and then SS can swoop in and start off a rather terrifying process the next. I'm not saying it's wrong - but it is horrible to go through.

[iheartmycat]

was the person you were with your abusive ex-partner, OP? I 'm just trying to work out why the police would take your child away right away, as surely the bruises on his back etc wouldn't be visible until he got to hospital?

[FallenCaryatid]

'I agree Fallen, but it is possible to agree with that and also have sympathy for parents who are feeling bloody awful because they have been caught in the system'

I agree, in particular I've read a lot of Couthy's posts on SN and she talks a lot of sense and gives a great deal of support to others. I just don't see a way around the problem, if you don't investigate, a child could be fine or could be scarred, crippled or dead.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

I was just pointing it out, although i understand and feel for you. it can be very damaging to give accounts on threads like this, as facts are understandably missed and so this creats alot more stress and muddying of facts and what is right and what is wrong in situations like this.

It is important to understand what is corrct proccedure and incorect proccedure in such situations and your story is very different to that described by the OP. Thank goodness it has all worked out for you and your family. But it is some what misguided to provide a snippet of your own experience with out providing full accounts and full facts. I dont mean this to sound harsh but i think for the OP just now, if she is reading it is far more usefull to offer real and practical advice and understanding.

Im not sure that is worded too well and will inevitably offend but that is not my intention, My intention is to get across how important it is to keep OP focused on her own situation.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

I do agree though it is wrong that people going through such experiences are not always given the full description of thier own rights etc, for instance the oppertunity to provide concent and what would need to happen if that concent was not provided. Maybe the powers of the social worker and your own rights where not made explicit at the time.

[futureunkown]

The OP says the bruising on his cheek does look quite bad. That is what the police will have noticed.

[RagingDull]

EPO? i mean PPO. still. same difference.

[CouthyMow]

And I DO agree with that, Fallen, because I was that child burnt with cigarettes, beaten, even worse (not for this thread).

BUT there are times when over-zealousness can cause issues when there is a prior history of SS involvement with the parent when THEY were a child, or in the event of a disability.

I can truly see all sides of these situations given my life experience, and yes, there are times when SS is only doing the best thing for that child, but there are also times when SS end up doing what is best for the child given their limited budget.

[Fishpond]

Those of you who haven't had SS involved have no idea what it's like. Will not go into anything but they ruin people's lives who haven't done anything, quite frankly. They absolutely can swoop in on the smallest of things and take children away without knowing extent of anything, no question. Ever since Baby P they have been extremely overzealous with protection issues.

OP, are you a lone parent? Your case will be much much harder to fight if so. Is your abusive ex-P the baby's father? Is he your only child? All these things will count against you. Your PND will count against you. Your epilepsy will count against you. Anything and everything that COULD be a negative will be seen as one. Speaking from bitter experience.

Get a damn good solicitor who has dealt with these cases before and can explain exactly what your rights are. The police case against you will most likely be dropped as physical harm against a 2-yr-old is very hard to prove just on bruising. But the SS case will likely go on for about a year (sorry, but true). You will need a list of all the positive people who know you and your child and are actively in his life, you'll need to fully cooperate with SS, don't miss any meetings or reschedule anything, push push push for as much contact as possible if he is placed elsewhere. They will look at your family members for him to go to first. I really sympathize with you, society thinks you must burn your child with cigarettes or throw him down a flight of stairs to get SS to look at your family. What a load of shit. Society also thinks the instant SS is involved you are a child abuser. I believe you and hope your son is returned to you ASAP.

[RagingDull]

I've been on both sides of this coin - as an abused child and as a police officer. Something still does not add up here.

[Cynner]

I have to agree that something about OP's story seems suspect. I am a social worker, and have done many investigations. Never in my experience has a child been removed on the basis of a few bruises. In OP's words, this baby had a bruise on his cheek that is " looks bad". A facial bruise, combined with concerns about neglect due to low body weight, and questionable parental decision making would raise several red flags to me.
I am still stunned that a mature, reasonable parent would place a child in a situation that resulted in a weapon being drawn.

[CheerfulYank]

Well, I was walking down the street once and saw a knife being drawn. Broad daylight, "decent" part of town. I didn't have DC at the time, but if I had, I would have had no problem bringing them to that part of town with me, and I am a "mature, reasonable adult."

[LurkingAndLearningLovesCats]

Agree with Raging Dull.

Been the abused child, and am now training to be a police officer (or due to new developments. working in SS)

There are chunks missing from this story.

Couthy, I'm so sorry that happened to you.