Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello again

DistressedMum, we've deleted one of your posts as it was giving rather too much real-life detail that could lead to you being identified.

[lisad123]

Is he on a police protection order? Have you signed or been asked to verbally agree anything?
If his not on police protection and they have him under your agreement, go and get him!!!
The likelyhood sadly is judge will agree with SS while they continue to assess

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

Hmm I have no idea OP, I would find it hard to believe the police would arrest you for ABH against a baby, keep you in the cells over night and release with or without charge on the account of absolutly no evidance.

Had you been drinking OP? because i fear that may be why you where taken by the police to the station and as a result they would have had to find your ds a safe place to stay. I admit I may be wrong but I just find it very odd the police would arrest you, I suspect with little evidance and some suspicion they woyuld be better adviced carrying out a full an thouragh investigation before arresting you to ensure they where able to press charges if that is what they felt would be the best outcome.

what do you need to return to the police station for?

[TheDreadedFoosa]

I think Lisad123 has probably touched on something closer to the truth.

Why do you keep referring to 'the person i was with'? I assume he's your bf? If it was a friend youd just say 'my friend'. So i imagine there a various concerns including the bruises, your bf, the kind of situation your son was exposed to, maybe your own conduct?

I hope your son gets the best outcome.

[JollyHockeyStick]

A lot of children can't talk well when they're just so I'm surprised the paediatrician was that concerned at his lack of speech. Maybe it was the shyness that was the issue? As in, the paediatrician felt like your DS was overly scared to talk.
.

[JollyHockeyStick]

Sorry, that should say "just turned 2"

[CremeEggThief]

I hope seeing a good solicitor helps you. Maybe it's best not to comment online while you're trying to get your DS back. I hope it goes well for you and your DS.

[Jinsei]

Some people are prone to bruise easily - I do. I'm also very clumsy and get bruises in the oddest places from walking into door handles and the like. I suspect I am dyspraxic but have never been diagnosed. Maybe the OP's little boy is similar.

Nevertheless, it does seem that there is more to this story, as I do not believe that a child would be taken away from his mother without serious cause for concern - misplaced concern perhaps, but there is obviously something quite substantial that makes them think he is at risk.

It's a horrible situation, anyway. Hope you get good legal advice tomorrow OP.

[TheEnthusiasticTroll]

sorry missed your last OP, that makes a little more sence and also suggests the social worker does have concerns about him being returned home.

I suspect that dreaded and lsad are correct in thier assumptions of what has happened to spark this and the lead up to this sadly. OP I do feel for you and your ds but what you need to do now is be honest ad take a very hrd look at what needs to change to ensure you can provide a loving and stable homelife for your DS, i wish you luck and strength to do that.

[DistressedMumHELP]

I dont drink, i am on medication for epilepsy which means i cant drink.

[ErikNorseman]

Who were you with and what was their conduct during the 'altercation'? Had you both been drinking? How late in the evening was this? Were you seen grabbing your ds's arm?
To be honest, it may be unfair and presumptuous to assume this, but I'm imagining you and your partner had been drinking, he responded aggressively to someone who then pulled a knife and threatened a toddler, you grab toddler roughly to get him out of the way? Police called by witness who then see nasty bruises on the boy, coupled with being involved in an altercation during which knives were pulled I can see how it happened. Sometimes police have to take swift decisions to protect children and they act on the evidence they have.
Does your partner/companion have any history? Are they concerned that you are allowing unsuitable or dangerous men to have contact with him? There must be something there that has caused social services to seek a care order. They must have evidence, they have to consult solicitors before going to court and the sol will advise whether there is evidence for removal or not. Somehow, a lot of professionals have got the idea that your DS is at risk. Is it from you, or someone else?

[Tiredmumno1]

Oh bunt that sounds terrible

[greenplastictrees]

So sorry Bunt Cadger! Sounds like despite an awful, awful time for you but I'm pleased despite all you went through you are happy now.

[maddening]

can you get your mum to agree to move in with you or someone else social services might be happy to have look after your son if they are not happy to return to you immediately - so at least you can have supervised contact and have him with someone you know and he trusts?

am so sorry you are going through this

[ErikNorseman]

Bunt that sounds like a traumatic experience. However, and with respect, if you were experiencing psychosis then your DS was at risk. I know not intentionally but nonetheless. So the epo was not inappropriate (of course I don't know the circs)
The police have to make snap judgements in the way that social workers don't often have to, because they are right there on the scene and have to act to protect children. From what op has alluded to (and I could be entirely wrong about some of it) the police didn't act inappropriately. The missing link is why the social services are going for a care order.

[QuintessentialShadows]

How come you were out caught up in an altercation, and witnessing a knife assault, with a toddler? Why were you even there?

[GhouliaYelps]

Op I am so sorry.

But reading between the lines of what you describe, it sounds like your baby is caught on the middle of very volatile life situations and is not getting the right kind of protection and care.

I truly hope things turn out for the best for all concerned.

[Pancakeflipper]

I think the priority is your gorgeous little child. I think there's a lot going on in your life thats not sounding healthy and it needs sorting out. Be proactive, get help and get it sorted.

[CouthyMow]

Fuck. The epilepsy adds a whole new layer to this. I have epilepsy. The SS will claim that the OP has been having seizures and her DS has obtained these bruises while she has been unconscious and therefore her DS was unsupervised.

Fuck.

OP, please get yourself a solicitor AND get in tough with Epilepsy Action, they can help you to prove that having epilepsy does NOT mean you aren't a capable parent.

I am a Lone Parent with epilepsy, and have been through something similar. I have 4 DC's. I managed to keep my older 3, but only by the skin of my teeth.

You need a bloody good solicitor and the help of epilepsy action, and your GP and HV on your side.

[FallenCaryatid]

Couthy, that's a possibility but if the GP has no worries, or the HV it will be hard for that to be taken as a serious suggestion, won't it?
There will also be a discrepancy between accidental and non-accidental injuries, and that will need to be investigated.

[CouthyMow]

It's the epilepsy that is the 'missing link' IMO and IME.

It took me a long hard think about contacting SS over the fingerprint bruising my DS1's SM left on his wrist because I knew it would draw their attention to the fact that I had had another baby since they had last had involvement.

Luckily nothing has come of it yet this time, but it was a very hard decision for me to make, given that I was accused of being unable to look after my DC's when my 8yo was a toddler.

[CouthyMow]

They class accidental injuries that could have been caused by poor supervision as non-accidental. If they deem, say, that the OP had had a seizure and that was when her DS got the bruise on his back from attempting to climb out of the highchair, through a perceived 'lack of supervision', which will be nigh on impossible for the OP to prove untrue unless she had a non-related witness present when it happened, then they will have the grounds for a care order.

A case like that needs to be fought under the grounds of the Equality Act 2010...

Where you come up against resistance is if the cost of providing the help needed from Adult Social Care to help the OP to cope in the way they want her to begins to outweigh the costs of keeping one DC in FC, it becomes much harder to fight.

I succeeded because at the time of my investigation, I had 3 DC's, two of whom
Already had dxd disabilities.

Not everyone in this situation does. With respect to SS, cost benefit comes before the Equality Act sometimes, when it shouldn't.

[nailak]

I think alongside the epilepsy SS will argue that you have problems making the correct decisions to keep your child out of harm, due to your history of being in an abusive relationship, and now being with a person who is aggressive when provoked.