Me being naff at socialising and not wanting it to affect my little monster

[mumakjw]

I am not the worlds best at socialising and i find it so hard to interact with people i do not know. I only ever whent to 2 mother and baby group sessions,my dd is 16months old and wonderful with other kids mostly because of my mum how have other shy people managed to over come it,i feel so frustrated with my self for being such a nob !

give yourself 18 months off, the development gurus say that even sociable little girls don't start genuinely interacting until they are 3. We project too much on their little encounters with other babes.

mother and baby groups can be quite hard - they work best for people with excellent "soft networking" skills - people who can talk to strangers but without any particular agenda.

you don't need to overcome your shyness altogether - you will figure out lots and lots of strategies as she reaches different stages. I think you can still be an ideal parent without effortless networking skills :). A lot of her socialising will be at school.

If it's any consolation, my mum was very gregarious, and I'm as shy as anything. So not sure if it has that much to do with it.

Thank you both very much,I think i need to just suck it up a bit and be brave how I got to 35 and still worry in social situations i just dont know!

thanks again

not all mum and toddler groups are the same. there are church ones, estate ones, council ones..... all have a different feel. there may be a group somewhere in your locality with a lovely faciliatator or volunteer who will put you a little more at ease and help you to feel that your shyness is ok. you are allowed to be quiet at these groups if you like! you don"t have to chat with others the whole time. you can offer to help make the tea, or just watch the kids interacting.
good luck

I'm rubbish at social interaction too. I have very few friends. I have the same concerns as you about my limitations rubbing off on my DS, whose age is still
measured in weeks. I have decided to go along to as many activities with him as I can in the hope that getting out & about will teach us both how to socialise. I'm also acting out the role of a friendly and confident person because nobody i'm meeting knows that I'm actually very shy and lacking in confidence.

One of the things I've learnt on MN is to ask others about themselves, something I never used to do because I thought I would appear nosey. I've practiced on random people passing the time of day in the street and it works!

I moved when DS1 was 3 and DD1 was 1. I am quite shy and feel awkward in groups - much better in one to one situation.

I do not want my DCs to be like me so I made myself go to every single group and activity in my new area. Some I liked, some I didn't.

Like AndSuetoo I pretended I was a much more confident person, smiled a lot and played with DCs when I felt awkward. Have some good friends now and the DCs seem quite sociable too.

With shyness all you can do is fake it until you make it. Asking questions is good because if you can get the other person talking it takes the pressure off!

I totally get where you're coming from. I too am completely useless in social situations & incredibly shy. I hate taking my DD1 to birthday parties as, whilst all the other mums are chatting in their little 'cliques' I'm usually the one sat on her own in the corner trying (& failing) to find a way to break into a conversation .

On the plus side, however, these traits don't seem to have been passed onto either of my DDs who are both confident, gregarious & outgoing. I work full time so both of my DDs attended daycare from about 9mo so this may be part of the reason or they may have just inherited their gregariousness from DH - who knows?

I thought i was the only one feeling like an out of place acward teen but you have all proved me wrong,I work 4 days a week and my mum has dd whilst im there so i will make an effort to find somwhere to go on my day off.

Thank you all very much

Ditto what lingle said. My dd is 2.7 now and we don't go to groups and live in the middle of nowhere. She has no problem socialising with adults and other children when we do see others.

I'm very quiet but she's her own person and will forget about me when we are out at a party or have visitors at home as she's so sociable.