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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

just sent ex p mesg and now scared !! sorry bit long

17 replies

muma3 · 14/03/2006 13:20

im in the right though.
first of all exp has stopped paying child support and didnt tell me or them. he now owes £290 which has left us in the sh*t!!

second my dd1 came home from his at the weekend. her nan picked her up from her dads and brought her home. after being in the door 5 mins she turned to me and said (in front of exp mum (her nan )) that "i wasnt looked after again this weekend !!"
i asked her what she meant and she informed us (myself, dp , and exp mum) that her dad had been drinking again and had friends round friday night. they had music on and she couldnt sleep . they even woke her db who is 18months (her d and dp new baby )
she said that she doesnt want to go there anymore . her dad told her that he would take her to the park or swimming and on the saturday he had a hangover so she didnt do anything with him .

in the past i have been led to believe that his dp doesnt drink when her d does so i am reasuured that there is someone in the house who is responsible but not this weekend. also apparently the saturday morning dd1's dad's girlfriend also had a hangover and was shouting at her dad and her.
i have just sent him a mesg saying -

" csa are trying to contact you and you will get a warning for not informing them that you had stopped payments, so i would phone them if i was you , *** doesnt want to come to yours at the weekend as she doesnt like it when you drink whilst she is there, alos im a bit pissed off about it too , 4 nights a month without drink isnt too much to ask !!"

he is going to flip but i know that i havent done anything wrong. its like walking on eggshells with him though .

please reassure me that all will be fine and i need to stick to my guns !!

OP posts:

KBear · 14/03/2006 13:21

You are looking after your daughter's best interests - he sounds like a tosser (pardon me for saying that but...) and you should stick to your guns and be brave about the response you might get!

desperateSCOUSEwife · 14/03/2006 13:24

muma3 you did fine, dont worry about the useless feckin wassock
#stick to your guns girl:)

Radley · 14/03/2006 13:27

You have done nothing wrong sending that text, and if it is put like that you've done very well, if it was me sending it, it would have been full of expletives etc.

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Original poster

muma3 · 14/03/2006 13:27

arghhhhhhh dd1 will be relieved for a few weeks then she will miss her brother so will want to go . i might just let her nan take her for a day at the weekend rather then her stay anymore.
i always feel so bad for her picking a right twat of a man to be her dad. i was 15 and fuc stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

she goes to a family center and can get them to help stick up for me but i know dd1 will change her mind in a month or 2 is so complicated.

OP posts:

Original poster

muma3 · 14/03/2006 13:42

i cant believe he still has this control over me and i get so scared still. dd1 begged me not to say anything but i caught her sending him a mesg yesterday saying she doesnt want to see him anymore becasue he drinks . i stopped her because i didnt want her wording it wrong. she is just as scared of saying anything to him as i am.
i hate him so mich. if i could cut all ties i would gladly

OP posts:

Jackstini · 14/03/2006 13:49

muma3 - I would say you have a good case for limiting his contact to supervised visits only. The csa are so behind at the moment I don't know how long it will take them to act. Can you ask social services to get involved? It is just not good enough that he is drunk in charge of kids that age. Can't blame you for the text - quite mild in the circumstances and yes - stick to your guns.

Original poster

muma3 · 14/03/2006 13:54

i feel like im having a panick attack im so anxious

OP posts:

Original poster

muma3 · 14/03/2006 14:20

she will be going to her nans tonight for dinner per usual and will see her brother . im so angry at him for not being responsible and thinking he can do what he likes and say anything to her and it wont screw her head up !!

OP posts:

Eve2005 · 14/03/2006 14:27

muma3, you've done exactly the right thing, just be grateful your daughter has the good sense to know when he's treating her badly and to stick up for herself or you might never have found out.

if she does want to go back again in a few months thats her choice, but she sounds sensible enough that she shouldn't be in harms way and can ring you if things get to much for her. the most important thing is that you support her now and let her know she did the right thing telling you, no harm that she did it in front of exp's mum either!

hope it all sorts itself out without too much aggro pet

KBear · 14/03/2006 21:21

did you get a reply yet???

Caligula · 14/03/2006 21:49

How old is she?

If she does go again, can you get her to text you if he's drunk?

Then call Social Services or the police and report him. Get his neglect on file.

Original poster

muma3 · 15/03/2006 10:34

yes all he said was that he had contacted csa and they have made the mistake not him .
nothing about him drinking or hid dd going to see him !! he really doesnt give a shit until he can use it to start a row with me .
she is 8 btw

OP posts:

Jackstini · 15/03/2006 10:42

Don't let him have a row muma3. You are on the higher ground here being calm about it. Wait to see what happens, he can't ignore the issue for ever. 8 year olds are very perceptive and it is great you are there for your dd and being honest but careful.

Original poster

muma3 · 15/03/2006 10:45

she has problems of a different kind (her dad has had a lot to do with that too but different story) she goes to a famliy center and has play therapy becasue she is very emotionl and depressed due to various reasons and i just dont think that seeing her dad is helping . the center know this but because we went to court in 1999 noone will help me out its like they dont want to know whats going on . the court wont re open the case either .
i just wish he would vanish i really dont think she would lose out at all . she has said she wants my partner to be her dad as she feels he treats her nicer . i said that means you wouldnt see your real dad anymore and she sid she didnt care

OP posts:

fairyjay · 15/03/2006 10:47

Can't you get your ex-p's mum involved - she must be concerned as well.

Original poster

muma3 · 15/03/2006 10:49

she scared to say anything to him either as he has got a fiery temper and she is a bit dizzy to put it mildly

OP posts:

Jackstini · 15/03/2006 11:01

Even if they can't re-open the old case sounds like you may have anough going on to bring a new case? Your dd is much older now and at a different place in her life. Definately worth getting some advice - even if it just gets it off your chest and lets you know where you stand.

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