feel like a monster

[DippyDoohdah]

My two ds are driving me crazy.I live alone with them and they are two and a half and nearly five.youngest is bright and fearless, often hits me and just laughs when told off.eldest is scarily bright, obsessive in his interests (any thing electrical but especially vacuum cleaners) can be great but is mentally challenging and just keeps trying to reset all the rules and again does not respond to telling off..I end up absolutely shouting my head off, it makes my head hurt, does get their attention but I think its clear that I've then lost control.smacking does not work and I just feel mean after. The threat of their Dad works for the older one (which is one if the reasons that we could not agree on and he does not live here)...what do I do?I feel desperate sometimes.I get so stressed I break out in a sweat! I work almost full time but I want to enjoy the weekends more with them.do I sound awful?

I've no idea about the younger one, but with the older one could you have a sanctions list that is on the wall and non-negotiable? Maybe a flowchart leading to higher sanctions if he does not comply - such as starting with 5 mins time out up to having favourite toy taken away for a day then week?

Perhaps having it in writing would make it more concrete so he knows they are not subject to change.

I'd try to do it as quietly as possible with no shouting, arguing or negotiation so that he knows you are totally in control.

(I only have a 2 year old who sounds exactly like your younger one, so not qualified through study or experience to be saying any of this btw)

Thanks gimbling! I will try again 2moro with the no shouting but its hard when they are constantly fighting and arguing! Think the idea about writing it down is good.maybe with some symbols....and making it into a huge poster on the wall!....right, just been back in to their room.toys everywhere! Supposed to be in bed.have told oldest about poster..he is not very jalopy shout it, so that's good in a parental control kind of way!

Jalopy shout = happy about! I phone!

Good luck!!! I'm hoping someone comes on with some advice about 2 year olds! I just don't know what to do because he just doesn't respond to anything and I end up shouting too. You can't reason with him and if I tell him off he laughs and carries on!

I have two boys very similar in age and behaviour - the oldest very much wants to rule the roost, the little one hollers at full volume if he doesn't get his way. It's real Clash of the Titans stuff here some days. I too am a single parent but dad is around alot, I also work full time and look forward so much to being with them and then feel awful if I spend it bellowing. I find that more or less the only way to enjoy time with them is to structure it - go somewhere, do something, be busy busy busy, let them run wild somewhere safe - park, woods, beach, so that they are too tired to protest. This goes wrong on rainy days when I haven't got tricks up my sleeve, but mostly it works. I'd love to give you a magic recipe for sorting out the boundary pushing but I just don't have it, so I wear them out in other ways instead and hope they will soon grow out of it. Not preaching to you, just empathising. It's a bloody nightmare :D

Thanks sparrow nice to hear from someone in same boat! Think we are all a bit run down so tetchy and have cabin fever too! Its tough not having a garden (apartment bought when I was a single professional!) And I smiled at the clash of the titans bit! Gutted that there is not a magic spell that I just missed out on in antenatal classes though!

Gimbling..my 2 year old huge fan of dinosaurs..them as distraction, bribery and removal of if gets too much..works occasionally.but obviously I don't have many answers aka my op!

Buy 123 Magic off Amazon (about £7), and it'll work like magic for both of them. Honest. It's an amzing book, very quick to read but will be life-changing for you all.

The only thing I would say is:

Take them outside. All day.

At this age, the worst thing you can do is keep them inside.

It needn't cost anything. When they are asleep, pack a picnic and put it in the fridge so you can go straight out after breakfast. If you haven't got a light weight rucksack, get one. Take a ball (take 2).

Parks, playgrounds, fields, woods.

When the little one is in bed, spend a quiet hour with the older one, read a story, do some cutting and sticking, puzzles.

Get them to bed early and have a peaceful evening.

3 little frogs..you make it sound so easy. They both run off in opposite directions and get bored quickly.dirtiness I feel like a good mum and other times clueless!

Omg not dirtiness! Meant to say sometimes! I think the other people that have them..their Dad, my parents, do too much with them Justin, too many options, too many toys, so they expect lots of variety and its hard to live up to

Jammy, have ordered book now!

So hard not to shout. I always shout! I was once given some advice that when you feel like you're losing it with them, try and pretend you're their school teacher. Use school teacher type telling off (loud but not shouty, firm, no nonsense etc. ) -- the process of literally kidding yourself you are someone else helps you detach from the situation a bit and see it from a (slightly!!) calmer place. Easier said than done, but you never know, it might help a bit.

Grace that's good! I did actually do that to oldest one the other day a he is about to start school and I was telling him he will have to start taking instructions...he did not like it so it worked as he stopped misbehaving just to stop the teacher voice!

I am loving jalopy shout. Start saying 'don't make me jalopy shout!!!!!!!'

Definitely try to go out more. Big stuff up a bit to get them excited. 'we are going to the park with the blue slide. I thought that it had seven steps last time but I saw Lucy at the post office and she said it had eight. And it was green. I'm going to be checking that out when we get there'

Take their lunch.

I would try and get a bit of a timetable going for at home days. First we are going to build the highest tower we can with bricks. Then we are going to wash this lion in the bath. Then we are going tonwatch tv. Then we are going to the park. Then we will come home and play with the play doh.

Have you tried doing all that fake fun stuff when they run off. Like running after them and overtaking and making a road runner noise nd then zooming off after the other one like it's all a hilarious game.

I need to do much more, savoy! Because of my relationship with their Dad,I have let it all get to me, eaten when I should have thought and felt, and just avoided myself.so four stone later running doors not feel easy...but should not stop me thoughI think I will be more like Garfield than road runner! Am not a lazy person, I have just let myself get trapped in my own head.resolute to not jalopy shout today!

I know what you mean. Mothers are just at the back on the queue. We never put ourselves first.

Sometimes you need to take a second to look at things from their point of view before launching into a full jalopy shout.

I was on the sofa with my sister and her ds (5) came in the room and launched an object straight at us. It whizzed between our heads. He didn't say a word.

I would have killed him! Jalopy style.

She said 'what are you doing?' soooo calmly.

He said 'I found that missing piece of jigsaw so I was putting it away' The jigsaw was behind the sofa.

Now, would have never found out what he was intending. But hs intentions were good! And he would have felt so badly done by if he had just been punished for it. It changed the way I looked at things like that.

I get you.have ordered a few parenting and"self help/philosophical" books so am planning on trying to expand my mind when they are in bed, instead of letting it shrink! No jalopy shouting so far!

Sometimes when I want to shout I take a deep breath and pretend there are cameras everywhere and I am being filmed live for a documentary on perfect parenting (and I am the perfect parent). I then get into the role of acting like the perfect parent, evne though I am boiling inside . It works, makes me calm and matter-of-fact instead of shouty, and my DS takes more notice.

I have a 4.5 year old, a 2.3 yo and a 6 mo and I am trying to move away from from the shouty parenting trap! I invested in How To Talk So Kids Will Listen book and so far find all the advice really makes sense.

Because I am always trying to put their techniques into action it kind of makes bad behaviour more interesting for me, iykwim. It works my brain to be thinking of how I should react to bad behaviour.

I have defo noticed some really good results, but also plenty of days when I feel like I have really failed. But at least I know I am trying, which makes me feel better.

The bit of advice that most stuck in my head was to model the behaviour you would like to see. So to stop kids shouting, I have to not shout myself. Makes it more of a family effort.

Believe me, I know it isn't easy. I had 2 boys, 2 years apart. My husband worked away from home a lot, and often worked 12 - 15 hour days when he was at home.

Think of them as puppies. It helps.

I used to be in the park at eight o'clock in the morning. I used reins for the little one, and bribery and sanctions for the older one. We walked miles, visited different playgrounds and parks, collected leaves, fed the ducks.

I lost so much weight just from the exercise!

It was a hell of a lot easier than having them both in the house all day!

My son is 5 in september andrecvently being a nightmare, he's very rude answers back and shouts if he doesn't get his own way. I started to push myself into corners in threatening and then having to leave places.
I have now given him a box and everytime he is good he gets a cardboard tick put in it. If he gets ten by the end of the week he can get a prize or to do somethig nice. That seems to be working with him. I have tried it before and his behaviouir improved.
I totally empathize its really difficult.

Did well today but I want to change my name right now its said every ten seconds followed by a request, question or complaint..all good advice and I will heed it, like the film crew idea..but right Abbott now I want to run away to a desert island and scream!