Have you ever actually 'made a rod for your own back'?

[flatstanleysmother]

I don't mean actually as in literally, but you know what I mean. I have a 8wo and have heard the phrase one zillion times. Will I really still have to carry my DS around in a sling when he's 16, whilst he's sucking my finger and breastfeed him twice a night all the time thinking, 'Shit, I really have made a rod for my own back'?

Have you ever seen a 16 year old in a sling, still breast feeding on demand , wearing a nappy , still eating mushed up food. No is the answer.
Just smile and nod and do what is best for you and your baby.

I've kind of had to re-arrange my life to allow a trip to Starbucks EVERY morning, as dd has come to expect it. It's so bad that I create fake trips to Starbucks when there's not even time for me to drink a coffee.

I'm kidding obviously - I love going to Starbucks, and if I didn't I'd change it. I bf, used a sling, haven't ever beaten myself with a rod.

(I'm not kidding about the fake trips to Starbucks - I'm kidding that I regard this as a rod for my own back.)

There are things I wish i'd done differently ie. not letting ds drink squash because now he won't drink water, but no rods here!

I picked up ds whenever he wanted, bf on demand and coslept. All of which were right at the time and now he is confident, no longer bf and sleeps in his own room age 2.3

When all the "roddy" things no longer worked for me we changed them. Maybe we were lucky that ds adapted quite easily, but I think it was because we naturally evolved together so it was the right time for both of us.

I'm a big believer of doing what feels right and comfortable at the time.

No. People told me that bfing on demand, co sleeping, sling using, no sleep training, etc were all rods. Now I have a 6 year old who always sleeps solidly from 7.30 till 7 going to sleep with no routine or intervention necessary (in his own bed or anywhere else) and is incredibly independant and confident

DH created a rod by allowing DD (2) to use the i-pad and his i-phone. Now he can't get the little blighter off them.

DMIL created a rod by offering DD an icecream ONCE. Now, everytime DD visits, it's "icecream. Icecream. Icecream. Granma icecream. ICECREAM. IIIIIIIICCCCCREAM GRANMA".

(It all comes down to perspective about what a rod is. you need to decide what is a problem for you, and what isn't. For example, I would see a child of any age sleeping in my bed as a rod. I couldn't tolerate it. So I set out to not create that expectation in my kids. But hey, if you want a kid sleeping in your bed knock yerself out).

Similarly, I would never want to lug a baby around all the time in a sling. But lots of mums seem happy to do that. More power to them I say. Just decide what you want to do and do it. It's no one elses business.

That's true, if you don't mind it then it's not a rod. There is a five year old in my dds class who has a dummy all the time when she's not at school but her mum doesn't mind. There is another mum who brings a bag of donuts every day for her children to eat. I can't think of anything worse than having to go to the shops every single day without fail, but it doesn't bother her.

Yes

I wore DD since birth and co slept due to a difficult set of circumstances. She is a diabolical sleeper and I think that had she not got used to me holding her all night she might have settled eventually.

BUT. Our paediatric team have said her amazing recovery from a birth injury has in part been due to her nurturing. So swings and roundabouts. I won't co sleep with another child.

7mo DD has started waking at 5am after previously sleeping until 6.30, 7 - solids and spontaneously dropping some feeds have wrecked absolute havoc. For the past fortnight I've been giving her a few ozs and she's been going back to sleep for another two or three hours. And then not eating breakfast. This is definitely feeling like a rod for my back - I think she now expects food and won't resettle. Grr.

I'm back to work in a few weeks, I can't do 5am wakes when I need to get up at 6.30 anyway. A week or so of controlled crying is probably beckoning to sort this out!

Bf, coslept, didn't put them down much. They are confident, happy and very loving. Just ignore what others say, it's your baby, not theirs.

If it feels like the right thing to do for you and your child then do it. If at some stage you can't cope with it any more, think about why, and do something to change it. It might not work first time. Give it a few months and try again - they really do develop and change.

I bf, coslept, slung. We have a really close relationship and gradually, gradually as she has been ready to, she has turned into a fantastic and reliable sleeper.

Eyes, you say you won't coslept and I do believe you, but when a baby won't sleep and everyone is tired and you know that if you stick them in bed with you, everyone in the house will be fast asleep in five mins, it can be just so tempting.

JJJ we had no option but to co sleep. DD had cerebral irritation caused by brain damage, she fed constantly, we now know she had silent reflux, and the neighbours banged on the walls when she cried which faded to the stress.

I will co sleep again if they are ill or very distressed but it will be the exception rather than the rule

Sounds like you had it really rough Eyes.

I see someone else has mentioned icecream. This is the only rod we have made. Hubby and I both adore icecream and it seemed mean not to give some to DD once she was weaned. Now everytime we go out it's "I want an icecream, I want an icecream, I want an icecream PLEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSEEE!."

I suppose we should be grateful that she says please?

EBF to 15 months, at 2.8 still cosleeping because we both work full time and it's our snuggle time, though sometimes she sleeps in her own bed if she wants. Cosleeping is definitely not a rod - I'm so glad that I found out about it when DD was small.

The rods we've created are all because we've let bad habits slide for the sake of an easy life. I've recently cracked down on buying treats for good behaviour as it was getting out of hand 'can I have x toy for being good in asda', not to mention the metldowns when said treat was not forthcoming.

I know someone who has huge problems with sleep, she never put the child to bed as a baby, preferring him to fall asleep with her on the sofa. All very lovely when they are little, and fall asleep at 7. But not so great when you have a 5 year old wide awake at 9 o'clocka and too tired to get up for school.

You can't spoil a baby btw.

Dd1 was not good at settling at bedtime as baby so I used to sit by her cot and stroke her back. Thought she would grow out of it but at 2.7 she still wants me in room to fall asleep - tho for dh and anyone else she is happy to go to sleep alone. So a semi rod!

you can make a rod for your own back by doing things to make life easier once or twice and before you know it it's become a routine and your baby expects it. If your happy to do whatever then it's fine but if it's not something you really want to do then your digging you self a hole.

I started taking DS into my bed around 5 when he was teething a couple of weeks ago because i was so tired getting out of bed and going to his room now he's waking at 5 every morning and wanting to go to bed with me. ROD! I decided last night i was stopping it after 5 mins of being awake (after 4 previous short wakenings) i thought fuck it and took him to bed. ROD!

But i choose to feed on demand and though a pain in the bum at times i'm happy with it in general and it works for us.