disagreements about number of children to have

[itsybitsy]

Wondering if anyone's had experience of not agreeing with their partner about number of children to have in the family?
We have two boys - 5yr & 1 yr and I'd love another baby in a year or twos time maybe, or sooner.. but DH has aready seen the GP about a vasectomy! He is really happy with two children and doesn't want the extra demand on himself or on me that another would bring.
We are also older - he is nearly 50 and I'm nearly 40 so maybe we're pushing it timewise as well. But I just love that baby stage and adore both my boys - well, all three of my boys, I'd so love another little person in the family - boy or girl.
I just think I was so lucky to be able to conceive, be pregnant, have 2 healthy babies after straightforward labours that it would be wonderful doing it all again. But we cannot agree and I would hate to push something on DH that he really was reluctant to do. I need him there with me and really he is the basis for all this family thing - well, our partnership is the basis, so maybe I shouldn't push it but be happy with what I've got. Any thoughts???/

my Dh and I are of the same age , we have just had another baby and we also have another child of 6.Its the opposite with us though, my Dh would quite happily have 6 more,I on the otherhand would not! simply because I am the one who has to manage the day to day care of everyone (including Dh)earn enough money to keep eldest in private education and who knows the baby might have autism as well for all we know,then I would have to earn even more money for education.
However, give your husband another 6 months or so and get him to promise he wont do anything about having a vasectomy until you have another discussion.Hopefully you will come to a descion that suits you both. Good luck

I already have 5!!! anda ma late 30's as is dh. we are both overworked and exhausted but i would like one more.....

DH jokes constantly re vasectomy but i dont think he is serious.....I think you should be really honest with him. None of us would do it against partners will but i think we should let our feelings be known!

I am younger than you but in a similar situation. We have 2 (dd is 4 ds is 1) and I would truly love another, especially as dd is heading of to school in septmeber. DH however is not so keen, and has said (when I mentioned about loving the baby stage) that they will always grow out of being babies and at some point you will have to stop having them. I agree with what octavia said about getting him to promise not to do anything for 6 months and then review how you both feel.

see a counsellor. honestly, if i were arond 50, i would be hesitant to do the newborn thing again, too. especially if i already had 2.

i have a 2.5 year gap and it can be demanding.

thanks all. it probably is the sort of thing we should go to counselling about. I know he will hold off on the snip as he's said he wouln't want to deny me another if I REALLY wanted one, but it still stands that he doesn't. He admits he finds it hard to share me and I suppose he's the one I lean on, and cry on, when I'm really shattered with it all , in those babydays.

Love MN for giving chance to discuss such things!