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Parenting

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Original poster

Playground etiquette

24 replies

DeeLite · 26/08/2012 15:16

I am a working mum to one so probably not vastly experienced in the ways of the playground.

I was at the playground yesterday with my 2 year old who was sat at the top of the slide building up courage to come down it when a big kid (about 7) came along and, without waiting or asking my fellow to get a move on, he just barged down the slide kicking his feet into my son's back. My son was absolutely shocked and distraught. He's accident prone so pretty resilient and usually picks himself up quickly but was really upset this time and I couldn't console him. The nasty big kid's mum who was sitting a good bit away but had seen everything eventually got off her ass and came over and told her kid to apologise which he refused to. I heard her giving him a "you gave the little boy a little scare and you must remember that little boys frighten easily" talk while he continued smirking.

I was absolutely livid and marched off home muttering under my breath. The other mum was clearly not doing a fantastic job of teaching her kid right from wrong but I suspect I didn't deal with this properly either and probably should have taken it on the chin - both for my own dignity as well as for my son's benefit.

What's the best way of dealing with these kinds of playground situations?

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LemonBreeland · 26/08/2012 15:24

The other Mum did deal with it. She asked him to apologise. Okay he didn't do that but she did tell him off. You should have tried to hurtry your ds along, but obviously bigger kid was in the wrong.

Choufleur · 26/08/2012 15:31

If the mum wasn't nearby I would have said something to the older kid myself. Was the slide aimed at toddlers or bigger kids?

Doesn't make what he did right but toddlers can be very annoying to other young children if they are on equipment that isn't designed for toddlers

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2012 15:32

The mum did deal with it.

What more did you want her to do?

You could have taken your DS over to the 7yo, to give him the opportunity to apologise, rather than marching off home.

7 year olds are still learning. I would be if a 7 year old of mine did this (mine would have just said "Go on, go on, go down the slide!" and may have tried to "help" him by giving him a gentle push, but some 7 year olds really don't think. Because they are still children.

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Toughasoldboots · 26/08/2012 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jetstar · 26/08/2012 15:43

Do you mean he pushed your son down the slide in front of him with his feet?

whyme2 · 26/08/2012 15:45

I think your outrage is a little misplaced tbh. The other mum did talk to her DS and asked him to apologise.

I have to say there is nothing more infuriating to an older child than having to wait at the top of the slide for the toddler to go down. But I have taught mine to wait and mostly they do.

Next time take charge by asking the older child to wait first. Also if the mother is not near than I have been known to issue my own telling off to someone else's child

BackforGood · 26/08/2012 15:56

I agree with everyone else. I'd like to hope when any of mione were 7, they wouldn't have done this, but patience isn't a known virtue in 7 yr olds. The Mum then dealt with it, and even tried to make her ds apologise. I don't understand why you marched off, 'livid', tbh - it means your dc don't then play, and are 'being punished' for being hurt/frightened by the older boy, rather than distracted, and leaving some time later with nice memories of the time in the park.

whyme2 · 26/08/2012 16:16

I like to think that playground etiquette works like this:

In the toddler area then young children take priority. So if your 2year old is waiting at the top of the slide you are perfectly allowed to tell older children to bugger buzz off to the larger apparatus or to wait a turn patiently.

In the area for older children then toddlers need to give way to the older children and are kind of their at their own risk as it were. So if your two year old is on the big slide then you are responsible for hurrying them along or carrying them off to safety and letting the older kids get on with it.

These rules have been observed by my years stood in playgrounds interacting with various children. But kids are kids and can't or don't always follow the rules as they are still learning too.

5madthings · 26/08/2012 16:26

well my elder ones have had it drummed into them to be careful of little ones and actually they are all pretty good, but when you are one of 5 you are used to little ones.

still tho at 7yrs old they are still learning, the mum was trying to deal with him, i am not sure what more you wanted her to do? or why you stormed off?!

Original poster

DeeLite · 26/08/2012 16:29

I know I will probably feel differently when I have a 7yo of my own. 7yo's look very grown-up to me but I bet it doesn't feel that way when they are your own.

In my and my boy's defence, the slide was in the toddler area and the 7yo didn't wait for one second. I would have cajoled my boy down or lifted him down had the other boy given me a chance but he climbed straight up and pushed mine down with hard kicks to his back. I felt him Mum underreacted to such bad behaviour but she might not have seen the context i.e. that her son hadn't waited at all.

Backforgood the point you make about me punishing my son for the other boy's naughtiness is a really good one and I feel terrible now as he was really upset all the way home.

I'm hoping that by the time mine is 7yo, I'll have sussed this parenting lark. I'm beginning to realise that it's really not as easy as it looks.

OP posts:

Original poster

DeeLite · 26/08/2012 16:32

5madthings, I did wait a bit and try to put my son on the swings to distract him but he was pretty inconsolable and I was getting a bit upset too if I'm honest (other stuff going on in my life and this was the straw breaking the donkey's back) so I thought a change of scenery would do us all good. Not sure it has as I'm still upset about the whole thing and a small bit embarrassed about not coping well with such a trivial incident.

OP posts:

mirry2 · 26/08/2012 16:38

yabu. the mother dealt with it as best she could. I've been in similar situations where the mother just ignored it all so I think she must be a pretty decent mum.

PrimrosePath · 26/08/2012 16:41

This is why I only take my dc to parks at 5 o'clock in the morning.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you overreacted and need to learn to deal with it better. For your sons, and your blood pressures sake.

bumperella · 26/08/2012 21:14

It was in the toddler area and the 7-y-o kicked your 2 y-o down the slide in front of him, using feet-in-small-of-back on the (toddler) slide?
Rough and tumble is a Good Thing, but IMO this goes beyond.
But, the kid did get told off (even if you thought it was ineffectual that's probably not something you know for sure).
I can see why you're cross. But there's bugger all you can do other than forget about it.

BillyBollyBandy · 26/08/2012 21:22

I think you were very restrained. That is absolutley not on and I don't think you overeacted. My 3 year old dd knows not to kick/push smaller children, it's dreadful behaviour!

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 26/08/2012 21:28

So, the OP has posted about her two year old being kicked down the slide by a 7 year old. The seven year old then smirks and refuses to apologise.

And the OP is in the wrong to be upset by it?

Because 7 year olds are impatient?

If my 4 year old kicked a toddler down and slide then smirked and refused to apologise I am telling you now that it wouldn't be the toddler that left the park but my 4 year old who did. And I would be explaining in no uncertain terms just how unacceptable her behaviour was.

Baffled by the responses on this thread!

Sossiges · 26/08/2012 21:31

The mother's "telling off" sounds pretty pathetic, so it's probably no wonder her son behaves the way he does.

Sossiges · 26/08/2012 21:32

Couldn't agree with you more whenyouseeit, x-post by the way

5madthings · 26/08/2012 21:34

no the op is not wrong to be upset but the mum was trying to deal with it, he may well have got a further punishment when he got home.

you cannot make a child apologise if they dont want to. mine would and tbh my 7 yr old would not do that and if any of mine did they would be for the high jump and would be expected to apologise and then i would take my child home, you dont kick little children, esp as in the ops further post it sounds like hard kicks as they went down the slide, that is not on.

but as you say yourself you were feeling fragile and had other issues going on? well maybe that mum did to and maybe she is at the end of her tether with his behaviour? you just dont know and she DID try and tell him off.

btw some kids do smirk/laugh when they get told off and its not because they are being naughty its because they are nervous, as a child i used to laugh and even now in tense situations do, its a nervous laugh/smile but it would be interpreted as a cheeky smirk no doubt.

op what you need for situation like this is special treat to make your ds feel better! keep something in your bag, whatever his fave small treat is, a freddo, grapes, whatever but something guaranteed to cheer him up along wiht a cuddle.

these things arent nice but they do happen, dont feel bad for taking your little boy home, like you said you both needed a change of scenery, sometimes with the best will in the world days end up a bit crappy when you have little children.

whenyouseeitwaveorcheer · 26/08/2012 21:42

Btw, Op, I'm not sure how familiar you are with mumsnet, but unfortunately if you admit to having only one young child there is a tendency for some posters to dismiss you as having precious firstborn syndrome (PFB) when you have an issue with anything.

Toughasoldboots · 26/08/2012 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 26/08/2012 22:07

I think you didn't give the other mum time enough to sort out an apology.
DS8yo is the sort to smirk when he's nervous, like when's told off.
There will be many moments in your child's future when they are treated a bit badly & don't get an adequate apology, sadly.

I hope your lad is feeling fine now.

LoonyRationalist · 26/08/2012 22:16

I'm pretty certain my nearly 6 year old wouldn't do this. If I saw her sister it she would get told off, lose tv time and/or a treasured possession (you might be unaware of this part of the punishment) and have time out with me on the bench. We might not leave as that would punish dd2 as well. She would definitely apologise and check that your little one was ok.
Sounds like the mum was fairly ineffectual in public as others have said she may be struggling or there maybe other (unseen by you) consequences to his behaviour.

I'd also add that you never suss this parenting lark, just as you're getting a handle on it they move the goal posts.. With their oldest child everyone is winging it ;)

5madthings · 26/08/2012 22:22

yes mine would get punishment at home as well ie no xbox or whatever and time out at the park.

also good point that if you have more than one child you cant always just go home as it punishes the others as well.

it wasnt very nice and i would expect better of a 7yr old, but all kids have their moments! plus the child could be big for their age? my 7yr old is very tall, alsmot as big as his 10yr old brother, but he is still only 7 and so acts like a 7yr old.

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