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Original poster

how naughty is your 3 and a half year old on a scale of 1-10?

47 replies

rhetorician · 25/08/2012 18:13

had a bad couple of days with mine (defiance, refusing to do as told, stropping when she doesn't get what she wants etc), so I would currently put her at about 6-7 (with 10 as the top), but I do seem to spend the whole day nagging her, telling her off etc. It's exhausting. What about you?

She is perfectly behaved at nursery so either there is hope or I am a crap parent...

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SomebodySaveMe · 25/08/2012 18:15

I was called a stupid bum face head by mine earlier.

1 week and 3 days until nursery starts again!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/08/2012 18:27

My ex is away for work. He cried in the car leaving her back but didnt tell her why. Didnt explain he was going away for work. Left it all up to me. As usual.

So shes out of her routine and all she knows is that daddy was crying and that must mean hes never coming back Hmm

Anyway, because of all this she has become impossible. She yaps and whines from morning til night. She refuses to do as she is told. Anything that doesnt please her turns into a mega meltdown. At the minute I would say its a 7. Usually a 5.

No discipline works either. Everything just turns into an hour of screaming, stomping, banging doors etc. :(

Original poster
rhetorician · 25/08/2012 20:00

wannabe sympathies but secretly glad it's not just me that sounds tough. We have a few of these type of situations - dd's father and his family don't live with us or nearby, so we get the overwrought wrung out overstimulated child that is the result of their visits...

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plipplops · 25/08/2012 20:01

DD2 is a 2 (fabulous) whenever someone else is looking after her, then for me often lapses into this terrible droning cry for no reason at all. It's not tantrums, but just this godawful moaning crying that goes on and on. Today it was because there was someone else on the sofa, and she just acted like the world had ended. I'm really glad she's nice for other people but I know she can be lovely I just don't know how to get it out of her...

CharlieBoo · 25/08/2012 20:25

Omg it's not just mine then!!!!!! My dd is hard work at the mo, stroppy, high maintenance, tantrums, shouting... Again she's amazing at preschool, lovely, quiet, shy etc...

She wakes up moaning, and goes to bed moaning....

I've just bought a reward chart because she's started lashing out at her brother, but she tantrumed because I wouldn't let her write in it with a pen.... Ho hum

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/08/2012 20:42

Oh yes DD is an angel for everyone else. No one believes me when I say how bad she is.

It really is the constant moaning thats the worst.

Im glad its not just her too. I was seriously beginning to think I needed some kind of behaviourist to check her.

Lifeissweet · 25/08/2012 20:49

I have a 3 and a half year old DSS. He came through the terrible 2s, but just in the last 2 weeks he has been IMPOSSIBLE. He kicks things and shouts 'NO!' about everything. Leaving him to calm down doesn't work - he can go quiet and still for half an hour and then start up again. He has some staying power! if we ignore his behaviour for long enough, he'll pinch my 7 yr old DS because he knows that he won't hurt him back, but we can't ignore him when he does that. It's all about attention.

He was here last night and was angelic again. I just don't know which little boy is going to turn up when he's dropped off at the moment.

I think it is just a phase and probably because he's out of his routine - no pre-school and a few short holiday breaks away in a short space of time. I am really hoping he gets over it soon!

Thanks for sharing. It's good to know it's not my fault and others are the same!

mavisthemoog · 25/08/2012 20:50

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aufaniae · 25/08/2012 20:55

My 3.7yo has always been fairly willful but is going through a stage where everything is an argument. Getting dressed (to go out to do something for him e.g. go to park!), brushing teeth, eating dinner - you name it, it's a battle.

We do incentives a.k.a. bribery (stickers with treats when he gets a certain number of stickers) and time out if he's naughty.

Recently he's started refusing to do time out "I won't!" - so that becomes an almighty battle in itself.

He bit DP today.

I'm starting to threaten to take away toys as it's the only thing which seems to work if we get locked in a stand-off.

It's getting worse and I have no idea what to do!

So no, it's not just you!

mavisthemoog · 25/08/2012 20:59

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aufaniae · 25/08/2012 21:02

I got this book on a mumsnetter recommendation recently - Calmer Easier Happier Parenting

(Written by someone who's actually got qualifications coming out of her ears, and is a parent, unlike some other popular books I should possibly not mention!)

Haven't started reading it yet, hopefully might get some time time to this week, I'll let you know when I do!

aufaniae · 25/08/2012 21:04

Oh yes, counting to 3. This worked a treat for months but has lost its magic recently.

These days DS often pushes it beyond 3, we follow through on the threat and then he is hysterical.

mavisthemoog · 25/08/2012 21:12

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aufaniae · 25/08/2012 21:19

Sorry mavis!

To be fair, you're a step ahead of us so it may well continue to work for you:

When we started using 1,2,3 there was no consequence at 3, as it seemed to have some magic which worked on him and we never actually needed to get to 3! This worked for ages.

But then somewhere along the line - I'm not sure when - he started pushing it to 3. I'm guessing we weren't quick enough on the uptake when this happened.

These days there are consequences at 3, which we spell out before counting. But he's pushing the boundaries here (as everywhere else)!

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/08/2012 21:37

123 has lost its magic here too. We have tried the naughty step, time out in her room, taking toys away etc etc but nothing works. She gets hysterical at the drop of a hat.

I agree with the poster who said its about attention. When shes in a time out she bangs the floor, doors, walls because she knows we will tell her to stop. The poor neighbours dont want to hear that.

Does anyone know how long this will last?

SummerRain · 25/08/2012 21:42

10

But he has a speech delay and possibly other issues and is the baby of the family so gets away with murder compared to the other two

Original poster
rhetorician · 25/08/2012 21:46

ours is all about attention - we have dd2 (8 months) who could charm the birds from the trees; she went to bed early tonight and dd1 sat beautifully at dinner, ate neatly, asked to get down.

does anyone else dd try to undo the action when she realizes that I mean it about consequences. E.g.

me 'if you do x one more time y will happen'
dd does x
I say ok, 'now y'
dd says 'I don't want y to happen'

e.g. she understands the relationship between action and consequence, but somehow thinks she can go back and undo the action. Infuriating. I suppose she'll get it in the end

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wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/08/2012 21:58

All I hear is "But I will be a good girl."

She always knows exactly why shes getting disciplined and is usually apologising profusely once its clear the consequence is happening.

I was so so worried this week. But this thread has made me relieved that its just the age and not DD.

DorisIsWaiting · 25/08/2012 22:01

DD3, (3) has discovered "no waay" (in the style of a teen). and I don't care!,

We have had a (particularly) rough day today with dd's 1 and 2 as well). All gone to bed with fleas in their ears and demands for improvements tomorrow OR ELSE!

NoBloodyMore · 25/08/2012 22:03

Mine is a nightmare too, I'm at the stage where I just don't know what to do with her, she's the middle child and since DS2 was born in Feb she's just been horrible. She's always been very wilful, headstrong and independent but she keeps being nasty, if I hear her call anyone an idiot again..., she doesn't listen at all! She has started realising now I mean it and usually is instantly sorry, we also count and it usually works. She starts pre school next week (first time in childcare) so I'm pinning all my hopes on that!

MarkStretch · 25/08/2012 22:09

I'm so glad I found this thread. I have had a day of it from my DS (3.5yrs). I have a 10yr old dd and an 8month old dd and I was thinking it was all about the attention too but now I'm not so sure.

Reading what other people has written makes me think it's quite normal! EVERYTHING is a battle, eating (he is very fussy, no meat, nothing new, will only eat anything involving cheese), putting his shoes on, getting dressed, doing anything really. Angry

We went to the supermarket this morning. He ran away (despite being warned that this would result in him being put in the trolley) so I put him in the trolley and he proceeded to hit the baby, poke the baby, push her out of her seat, throw things, grab things off the shelf. Arrrggghhhhh!

I am getting more and more strict with him, naughty step, counting to 3 etc. and I always make sure I carry out the threat I have made at 3! Today when we got back from the supermarket I was so wound up I put him in his room and shut the door because I needed 10 minutes away from him. He is testing all the boundaries!

I get to the point where I am sick of shouting his name and I am totally sick of the sound of my voice! He too is an angel at playgroup and especially for Nanny... Angry

Original poster
rhetorician · 25/08/2012 22:15

I am, at this point, glad that I still actually like her name, I say it so bloody often

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MrsJohnDeere · 25/08/2012 22:18

At 3 years old ds2 was a consistent 10. Now at 4.5 he varies from a 7 to a 10. Hoping for miracles when he starts school next week.

D0G · 25/08/2012 22:20

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aufaniae · 25/08/2012 22:21

I can't help feeling that DS is not happy though, and/or I'm not meeting his needs somehow.

If it is all about attention, perhaps he does need more of my positive attention at other times?

Or is it just a normal stage and he'll grow out of it? (When?!!!)