DD sent to head teacher

[ALittleBitOfMagic]

DD (7) sent to head teachers office with another girl for fighting . Don't know the full story but by the sounds of it was arguing with pushing and shoving . I am so angry with her but I find it hard because as much as she is probably lying about her part in it - I always have the thought that she could just as easily be telling the truth .

When I was growing up my parents always believes DSis over me and I will never forget the feeling of not being believed when your telling the truth .

So anyway I need a happy medium punishment .

Are yours back in school already?

WHy do you need to punish? Presumably school have already dealt with it? At our school unless you are asked to back up school in some way, school doesn;t expect you to discipline again.

Yes I'm in Scotland went back last week . I know about it because my mum works in the school but I think DD would have told me anyway she is quite honest .

- we have another two weeks

What is her punishment from school?

It doesn't sound like the school thought it was serious enough to contact you, so they must feel they've dealt with it.

Don't punish her again.

School will have already punished her.

The reason school don't tell you is because they don't want you to punish her.

I don't know I think she just got a telling off from the head . But if I now know I don't like to condone that behaviour obviously so I don't want to just let it go either .

But the class she is in is full of wee nippy girls they all argue and fall out all the time they clash really bad . So I feel bad that she is getting punished when they are all doing it all the time .

I would really hate to be their teacher

I don;t "condone" behavior by not punishing it twice. Just ask her what punishment the school have put in place and say you hope you won't have to get involved which you will if it happens again.

I would phone the school and find out exactly what happened. You don't want to punish your daughter if she was just defending herself. I am a teacher and whilst we give the 'violence is not the answer' speech and a punishment to every kid who fights, we know that sometimes one child can be provoked. The conversation you have with your daughter about fighting and how to avoid it is what is important, rather than punishing.

You are a teacher - do you really think the HT will appreciate being rung about something so trivial?

ummmmmm

why is your mum breaking confidentiality? She should not be disclosing, surely?

I cant speak for headteachers everywhere, but I am certain that our head would not mind speaking to a parent when a)they have become involved with the discipline of a pupil (getting sent to the head teacher is normally a big deal) and b)the parent clearly wants to support to the school in regards to her child's behaviour. I am a Head of Year in a middle school and when I go back next week I will receive lots of phone calls from anxious parents worrying about things that I know are trivial, but, it is my job to listen and talk and hopefully make them feel better. I don't think it really matters as to whether the head will 'appreciate' it, it is his job.

I would just leave it to the school-or if it bothers you pop in at the end of the day or phone up.

Raisin, just what I was thinking.

Scholl have dealt with it. It is mean to punish her again for something that sounds minor. If she had broken someone's arm that would be a different matter.

I think you have a brief, frank but unemotional chat about what happened and let go.

I don't think you need to punish her at home. I would like to now what went on though if I were you.

Why are you "so angry" with her. Its all part and parcel of growing up isn't it? Just one of those things. We all get angry and lose it sometimes. Yes to have a chat and help her deal with it better but not to be really pissed off about it.

know not now

How was she breaking confidentiality ? I have the right to ask any staff member at any time anything to do with my child ? It's only breaking confidentiality if she tells me things about other peoples children .

The school would expect you to find out about the 'fight' from your daughter so I don't think it really matters that you heard it from your mum. I am actually surprised that you didn't get a phone call from the school to be honest. It is good practice to make the parents aware when anything physical occurs because there could be further issue of injury. I remember dealing with a 'hair pulling' incident not so long back which seemed like a silly playground squabble but actually led to a child having a whiplash-type neck injury. If I hadn't phoned the parents to tell them what had happened I dread to think of the complaint I would have received after the parent spent hours in A&E with their child. I think you are doing the right thing wanting to be involved in this issue and whilst I don't think a punishment is necessary, it is always important for a child to know that you have high expectations of their behaviour at school.

It used to be common practice to get in trouble at school and then a whole load more when you got home! I can see why the OP wants to reinforce the message to her dd, being sent to the head is a big deal. But it would be a good idea to get the full picture and it is perfectly reasonable to speak to the head. It might not even be that dd is lying about it but lacks the adult perspective and rationale to give the whole picture.

Then it's up to you how you want to handle it but reinforcement of the school's message and practical advice about how to avoid these situations would be beneficial.