What to say to other people's kids after playground 'incidents'?

[smartieknickers]

What do you say to a child of, say, 4 or 5 who has come up and deliberately pushed over your 2 year old who had been quite happily playing by himself? Seems to happen fairly regularly and the mums/nannies are often not watching. I know it's not my place to discipline a child who isn't mine, but if it was my child and I hadn't seen the incident I'd at least want somebody to come and tell me about it... Also I don't have any older children so I feel like I don't really know how to talk to kids above toddler age. Any suggestions/thoughts?

It's hard, I used to sit back and just focus on my own kids or remove DSs from the situation. But then I realised that my own DSs saw me ignoring it when other kids were deliberately being too rough to them.

So now I say to them "don't push him over, that's not kind" quite firmly or something like that.

DSs aren't that forthcoming (at 4 and 2) and I'm concerned part of that is because they haven't seen me stick up for them or myself. I'm trying to address that now.

That makes me sound over bolshy, I'm not, I just worry I've let things go in the past and I'm now trying to teach DSs to be confident and articulate their needs and opinions and that I don't approve of physical bullying.

As long as you're polite, objective and calm, I think that's fine. It's more about how you say it, than what you say really.

That's my concern too - that it would look like I think it's acceptable for my DS to be pushed around. Other toddlers I can cope with, but it's the older kids who make me feel uncomfortable and I don't want my DS to end up afraid of big kids in general...

I'm the same sheep...I'm happy to say to the child "please don't push/hit/kick, it's not nice and it hurts". I think said in a polite but firm voice, no-one can accuse you of 'telling off' their child, you are simply asking them politely not to do something .

I probably wouldn't tell the parent as it just seems like telling tales, to me, which I'm always on at my own kids not to do!

p.s. I remember also not having a clue how to talk to older children...now I have a 9 year old, how the hell did that happen

Agree. Have no problem with a factual but firm - 'no, it's not ok to push/kick/ whatever. You wouldnt like it would you?'. That way you haven't overstepped with a reprimand, and no-one can actually disagree with what you said

Thanks, appreciate the advice.

A one off would elicit a firm "we DON'T push. It isn't kind". Repeated incidents would have me tracking down the parent/nanny for 'a word'. Particularly nasty behaviour would probably role me into hissing "go away you nasty child" but it would depend on both the incident snd my mood that day.

I'd say something like 'oops, careful - she's only little' and if they did it again I would tell them off, actually. I would expect somebody to tell my kids off in the same situation. There's no need to be aggressive - just a matter of fact 'don't do that, please,' does the trick (and if it doesn't I would probably take my kid away from the horrid brat situation.