I?ve name changed as DH knows my normal name on here.
I could really do with some advice on what sort of help might be out there for DH who is really grumpy, moody and snappy with our DC (9 year old DD and 7 year old DS), as well as with me. He has always had a temper and lack of patience, but recently it?s been directed more and more towards the children. For example, if they need telling two or three times to do something, he shouts and snarls at them in a really loud and harsh voice, gritting his teeth and only just keeping himself physically in check. He is particularly wound up by DS?s whining ? I agree it is infuriating; DS does need to grow up a bit, but shouting at him like that isn?t the answer. DH has unrealistic expectations of how the children should behave sometimes, and he keeps telling them to shut up.
He?s been snappy and rude to me for years, ever since he was suddenly made redundant along with half his office in a previous recession. I was pregnant with DD at the time and basically just rode it out. He improved when he got another job, but the latent temper has remained. When he?s in a good mood, he?s lovely, plus he doesn?t seem to be like this at work so he can keep himself in check when he needs to. I?ve put up with the moods for the sake of the children as I don?t want them growing up in a broken home (I did and it affected me terribly, but then so did growing up with a stepfather with a quick temper).
The DC keep saying how grumpy Daddy is. They prefer it when he?s at work, and it?s just the three of us at home. It just makes me so sad, and I can see it will seriously affect their relationship with DH as they get older. I?ve told DH several times what they?ve said about him, and how his anger isn?t right.
This morning, I raised the issue again after a particularly shouty weekend, and I asked him to make an appointment to speak to somebody by the end of the week. He just put the blame everywhere but at his own feet ? the children should do as they are told/stop whining; it?s better to shout at them than hit them; and I shout too sometimes. Hands up, I?m not perfect - I do shout on occasion, but it?s a small fraction of the shouting he does, plus I don?t shout with the venom.
I don?t really want to split up with DH but don?t want to ignore this any longer. I?m fed up with walking on egg shells. The wake up call has been seeing the effect on my DC.
I don?t think DH will arrange to see somebody on his own. He?s not speaking to me at the moment, and will probably try to let things blow over and do nothing. Where can I find out about getting him some help? The GP surgery isn?t really an option, as our neighbour is the receptionist and recognises my voice every time I phone.