letting DD go

[liverLadyLass]

not sure if this is the place for this ?
I'm a survivor of child abuse and I was in a situation were my sisters friends man asked my three year old did she want to see his doggys, I instantly felt sick and said to my dd that she could see them next time,
he asked her again to which they went and seen them, they wernt long, about five to ten min at the most, but I felt so uncomfortable letting her go, not that he has ever given us a reason to be uncomfortable in any way before.
I even made an excuse to go home (2doors away) so I could look to see if I could see them,,

I spoke to my DH who had said he understood how and why I felt like that, but not to worry as that wasn't the case, I knew it wasn't the case, I was so scared n just didn't want her to go with him,, do any parents on here who are also survivors of child abuse ever feel this way to sometimes??

A man asked if your 3 year old wanted to see his puppies, and you let her go with him ALONE? Are you fucking serious? Why didn't you both go see the dogs together? Why the heck did you let him take her alone. It doesnt matter if he has given you no reason to worry before, its absolutely crazy to do this. You are her mother, you have the choice what is safe and not safe for her, and the fact you felt pressured should have surely rung alarm bells!

Why wouldn't you go with them, anyway, do you not like dogs? I think most adults I know would do that, regardless of personal history, not let their 3yo go off with someone they barely knew.

Think that's a bit harsh Kitson, OP knows most people are harmless, she doesn't know when her instincts are overkill, though.

sweetheart, you don't have to agree to something that makes you feel uncomfortable

I completely understand why this was a big deal for you, but please try to understand why you let her go ?

you could simply have said no, and not worried about what people would think

I know how hard that can be, but it would sooooooooooo not have been U in the circumstances and fuck what anyone else thinks

I hope you are ok x

I think what kitson is trying to say (badly) is that most mothers (with history or no history) would not have agreed to this

pleasing others whome you owe nothing at all (to your own discomfort and harm) is a really bad idea, no matter what your circumstances

we do know them and for many years,
my DH said he'd of let her go as well,
I felt I was labelling him,
she's played up there many of time with the dogs before,
my DH said I have it wrong which I now I do, I just do not like my dd being with any men if I'm honest,,

it's not the first time then, love ?

that doesn't mean you should feel comfortable with it though, not necessarily

is this an area of repeated disagreement with your H ?

is he supporting you as much as he could do ?

I feel like I shouldn't of let her go at all,,
but didn't want to offend an innocent man either,,
I'm in tears thinking of what could of happened and I'm basicly turning myself for it,,
I analysed her when she came back, checking her and asking if she was ok etc..

it's the first time ,

I feel so bad for you

this isn't ok for you, and it isn't ok for your dd

you shouldn't have to live with such vigilance, but I totally understand where it came from

and I will reiterate again, I wouldn't let my own 3yo go off and play with dogs with out me with her every minute

you are not wrong

are you getting any support, from anyone ?

Im sorry I sounded so harsh. I was just shocked you let her go, but it really wasn't on.

for this, I spoke to DH
he said calmly that I had it wrong and it would never happen, he was trying to reassure me I was wrong.
he said he would not of thought twice of letting her go,
but him saying that didn't make me feel any better about it,
if I'm honest I feel awful and like I've let her down.
DH is sleeping,
I just want to wake her up so I can cuddle her

Is that just because you don't like dogs, though, AF?

If I trusted the bloke & knew him well I'd let my DD go off with him very occasionally, to see the doggies, for 5-10 minutes. But I also think it's fine if you don't want to let her go without you, get our of your seat & come along joking about you being an overprotective mummy, not that you need to give any excuse, just say that you'd like to see the dogs too.

There may be male teachers in her school, or TAs, strange men will be around her in the future. So might be worth trying to work thru your issues in this small situation, see how you can mange it to make it feel more comfortable.

I have to go to bed now

I hope you are getting some support from somewhere

there are some things you need to let a 3yo do

this example was not one of them, and if you are being pressured to do so, you need to find someone who is on your side x

keep posting

I like dogs well enough

Your instincts are to protect your DD and you are quite right. To be honest, I probably wouldn't let my 3yo dd go anywhere alone with a man who wasn't her father or one of the couples that we know extremely well, regardless of how well the family knew the person, because I have done safeguarding courses and I am aware how grooming starts.