What is the etiquette with strange children?

[MamaBear17]

I was at a 'sweet 16' party the other day for a daughter of a family friend. My dd (12 months) was sat on the (empty) dance floor transfixed by the lights. There were quite a few little ones at the party as well as teenagers. This lovely little boy, who was probably about 2 or 3, came over to my dd and seemed very taken with her. He started kissing her and patting her on the head. He was being very sweet to my dd but the constant kissing annoyed her. I asked him what his name was and he said 'Daniel' and I said this is DD, I dont think she likes kissing as much as you! He said 'yes she does' and kept kissing, meanwhile my dd was starting to get a bit pushy because she was irritated. I told my dd not to push, but, she is one, she doesn't quite understand. I looked around for any sign that the parent of the boy was watching but I couldn't pick them out. I then said to the little boy that I really didn't think she liked it and asked him if he want to play a game. At which point my dd started to crawl off and he chased her (in a playful way) but when he caught her he kind of pinned her down and lay on top of her which made her cry. I said to him 'Well done, let her go now' which he did, and then he started kissing her again and dd started a temper tantrum. I picked her up to stop her crying and then his mum came over picked him up and sort of told him off saying something about how 'clearly this baby doesn't want to play with you'. She didn't acknowledge me at all, but I felt a bit like I'd done something wrong. This little boy was only being a normal toddler and he was just trying to be friendly with my little grumpy bum, but I was completely flummoxed at how to handle the situation. If it had been my niece I would have felt confident in telling her to stop or move my grumpy dd away and carry on playing with my niece, but because it was a strange child I just didn't know what to do in case I offended the other parent, after all the little boy didn't do anything wrong. What should you actually do? This probably makes no sense. In fact, reading it back I think it only highlights just how socially awkward I am.

I think you did the best you could have to say to the little boy that your DD didn't like the kissing, etc....it seems a strange way for a little boy to behave though....he sounds like he was acting out this behaviour...I don't know how normal it is that any child would be so intent on all this kissing...and lying on top of your DD...continuing to do it, etc....
It sounds a bit .... and I'm not sure this behaviour is 'quite right' ...especially after you had suggested playing a game and trying to distract him from his attentions....he sounds like he was quite forceful and intent on doing this with DD....bit strange indeed..!!

I am quite happy to tell other children when they are behaving wrongly in some way....I have little respect for any parent who doesn't appreciate it...Their 'angel' still needs telling and I don't care whether another parent likes it or not....
Maybe the parent of this boy was embarrassed and couldn't deal with it or something
Poor DD being accosted like that...I would be upset too

I think you handled it perfectly. My friend's 3 year old used to be very similar to that toddler (all the kissing etc) but now he is 4, he would die rather than kiss a baby. So I don't think that is weird toddler behaviour.

I think all round you did a perfect job. Unfortunately, dealing with strangers' kids is awkward. A little girl came and sat on my lap yesterday while I was blowing bubbles for toddler DS in the park. DS went mental with jealousy and I had to awkwardly be very friendly to this girl while desperately looking for her parents! For 20 minutes!

I think if I'd have been in your situation, I would have picked my dd up sooner, and made it clear that I was not going to allow the little boy to keep bothering her, because I think it's really important to show children that they're allowed to tell people to stop doing things that they don't like, for various reasons.
However, if it had been my little boy bothering your daughter, I would have told him to stop, and told him that she didn't look like she liked it, because she was getting upset, as I want to teach my son that he is not allowed to do whatever he wants to people, just because he wants to.

Agree with Tea. You can and have to be fairly blunt with toddlers. I would have said "no kissing please!" and picked DD up.

Thanks for the replies. I probably should have picked her up and moved her away. I think I assumed the mum would be watching and come over and stop him. I am normally the one having to stop my dd annoying other babies by taking their toys or trying to insist they let her put her dummy in their mouth! I spend so much of my time telling her no that I just completely blanked when it was the other way around!

I think whatthe is being excessively paranoid - sounds like normal toddler behaviour - but I too would have picked my DD up sooner and quite simply told the other child to stop it. Telling a toddler to stop bothering your baby is perfectly fine.

I would have picked her up. Also maybe said something like "she doesn't like kissing, but she does like high fives/funny faces/watching peope dancing- can you do that for her?"

I agree that whatthewhat is being slightly paranoid- sounds lile normal toddler behaviour and my 2yo DD2 frequently has to be told to stop kissing/hugging my friend's baby!

I think you are being unfair calling your daughter grumpy here.
She was having a great time, then this boy comes up and decides to do something she does not like. She did not like him kissing her, and she made that clear to the both of you. She tried to crawl away, he went after her, pinned her down making her cry (you seeing this as a temper tantrum), and you told him "well done, now let her go"!! Well done!! what on earth was it he did that was well done there. Ignore her? Ignore you?
She didn't throw a temper tantrum. She was not being a grumpy bum. She was not being pushy. All she was doing was saying, no I don't like what you are doing please stop.
I'm sorry I've probably not said this very well, and I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I just don't think that your daughter was allowed her say in this situation.

I think I agree with others, I would have picked her up and said something along the lines of her not wanting to play that game. And then maybe chatted to him a little if there was no sign of a parent.

OP, you sound lovely, and I think you handled this very well.

I think you handled it brilliantly.

Personally I would have picked dd up as soon as he wouldn't stop and taken her away, but then I am not keen on other children at all and avoid them as much as possible

Aawwww, but no romance?? . Think you handled it well. The thingis what he was doing was more affectionate than violent so it kind of blurred it a little but yes, you did well. When I was little (for my 2nd Birthday) me and my Mum went to Hampshire to stay with friends and she had 2 boys, the youngest of which made noises and I couldn't stand him!...no romance there either!! . I don't mind boys so much now!

I think you sound as though you did a great job - I would have got bored with him much sooner and carried my daughter way. Don't read too much into the mum's response - she could have been more friendly, but you don't know what other things were on her mind.

You handled it just fine. The other mum should have intervened sooner, though, when she could see you trying to deal with her child and your own child getting annoyed.