How do I make things better for our family?

[Alwaysonadiet]

I have DH and DD age 8. They are always at each other's throats and I am always left to pick up the pieces when DD cries or gets angry. She is emotional at present showing early signs of puberty and yet DH shows no sympathy or sensitivity. We are all a bit drama queenish tbh but I have had enough of it. Am even wondering whether being married is worth it anymore and whether it would be easier on my own. What is normal for family life? Are these fights, rows and fallouts normal? My upbringing was up and down, my dad left when I was 2, my mum remarried and spent all my teens screaming and fighting with my adopted dad and then he died when I was 20. I have nothing to measure what is normal against. I wanted DD to have a childhood free of shouting and arguing and with a dad who adored her but it is not working out like that and it is breaking my heart. DD seems stressed, DH says he is yet does nothing but work and then come home and play on his iPhone. I work term time and am tired a lot of the time and stressed over sometimes very little things. How can I get things right and give my DD the happy childhood she deserves? Please help.

That sounds miserable

Do you do things on your own with dd? Does dh? Could you start doing family things together that you all enjoy /- cycling, going to the cinema, visiting zoos, castles etc
Get a national trust membership & get both of them out of the house at weekends

I do think fallouts and rows are normal, but as a child I had these with my father and the memories of them dominate my childhood memories.

I think it is normal for your DD to push both you and your DH buttons but as an adult he should rise above it. If he can't then he should leave the room before it desends into shouting and rowing, and he should approach her to make up after it happens. She is still a child and I do feel for you being stuck in the middle, but I do think it is important that the rowing doesn't seem constant and there are plenty of fun things inbetween!

We do do things together not perhaps as much as we should. Dd can be a bit cheeky at times, she does push buttons and I can see how this irritates him as it does me but sometimes I feel like he is another child, his responses and actions are so childish at times it's exhausting having to parent both of them. I'm no means perfect and perhaps too soft on Dd, maybe overcompensating although I do lose my temper too. How much do other families fall out? Dd says she wishes I had never married him and that I should have another husband (!) but I know she adores him and when things are good between them they are great together. How can we have these extremes? I don't understand it

Maybe try them taking up a hobby together

Geocoaching/ swimming/ cycling

Or something random they both might like

I remember sitting if the shed roofs with my dad and set up with an easel/ canvas/ paints, and we used to paint and eat brownies. Very random but our thing

Sounds like my DH and DS. Always arguing. Can't find a way around it and getting more and more depressed about the whole thing. So normal in my house, but I don't think most people live this way.