my MIL will not listen to me!

[emz0909]

Ive just got back from my mil with my 14wk old.
She doeesnt see him often as we dont get on and is nasty towards me and moans that my son looks like me & not his dad.
Anyways... i was contemplating her looking after him once a week for an hour but ive totally changed my mind!..

She asked if he was on yogurts yet and i said no and she was like he shud be having yogs ect.i explaoned he has to be older but as shes had 5kids thinks she nos it all. also my ds has suspected cmpi so.i explained he wont be having anything dairy ect and she went oh no chocolate pudding! thats not fair hes not having anything nice! and when hes with me if i have him ill give him chocolate pudding :(

sorry for the ramble but why are they so arguementative and defying. shes in her 60's and thinks parentings the same anyone else has this issue.
Help

I have had similar issues but fortunately I put my foot down and my MIL bites her tongue. I think you just have to be very strong and set your stall out. My MIL told me that when my dd started nursery it would be great because if she finished work early she could just pop in and get her. I said that she could only do that if she asked us a day or two in advance and it wouldn't interfere with our plans. She said that she would just get her when ever she wanted and send us a text to say that where she was! I told her nicely I wasnt prepared to let her do that at all (then went home and ranted at my hubby about how she had better not even dare!!) and I also told the nursery under no terms were they to let her collect her without my permission in advance. My MIL doesnt agree with my decision, but has to go along with it because I am the mum. (The only reason I do not want her just picking up whenever is because a) we are paying the nursery to have her and b) because hubby and I have worked out a schedule where we alternate finishing early and getting to spend proper quality time with her, and I do not want anyone else stealing my time with my baby!! Nothing to do with my MIL, she is a lovely grandma). My biggest piece of advice would be to pick your battles. When your ds is older (providing he doesnt have an underlying medical issue of course) I think it is par for the course for grandparents to give their grandchildren 'treat' type food. My own mum gave my daughter a choc ice at 8 months, despite me trying not to give her sweet stuff to young! However, for me, little treats are not too big of a deal so I tend to tut and then let them slide, then I feel a little more justified in the things that I just can not stand. Like my dad telling me that they didnt need to borrow the car seat when they looked after dd, she could just sit on my mums knee like I used to do!! erm no!

totally agree with mamabear17...it's all about picking your battles! i had to tell my own mother in no uncertain terms that, i was the mum and mum will ALWAYS trump grandma when it comes to my DC... i did this quite early on and although she will try and put her two pennies worth in occasionally i just remind her of this and all is well.
at the end of the day he is your son and she will have to either learn to respect you as a mother or she will be the one who misses out by not spending time with her grandson!
be firm! x

Buy her a copy of the good grannies guide by fearnley-whittingstall (possibly mother of Hugh)

Ooh you have my total sympathy. It's so tiresome. If you can mange to you could try to respond with a 'Thankyou for your advice. Goodness, how differently things were done then!' Try not to be annoyed about it. (Difficult, I know).

The yoghurt comment is rubbish but not unusual - of course we modern mums know it is not advisable to feed 14 week old babies this kind of thing, but it was common when your MIL was young.

However, if your DS has suspected cmpi and she is threatening to feed him chocolate pudding then you must never leave him alone with her! She needs to listen to you about legitimate health concerns.

(My DS has a serious allergy to dairy products and it used to frighten me how many members of my family didn't believe me until this was confirmed by the hospital. )

Shes not rational at all and will not listen and i mean it. No matter what i do :(
my oh sister is very ill with a food disorder and is not aloud sugary food and she feeds her cakes and chocolate knowing shes not meant too as it makes her gain weight :(
i agree with the odd treat & im not against it apart from if its going to make him bad. Yet she thinks im depriving him.
ohhh dear.

It is so frustrating when family don't listen. My family thought I was depriving DS by not feeding him 'treat' food, and that I was 'just being dramatic' when I told them I suspected serious allergies. I never left him alone with anybody because there was nobody I could trust to keep him safe and not feed him bits of ice cream or biscuit without my knowledge.

You are certainly not depriving your DS by protecting him from feeling very poorly. Are you getting any help from your doctor/hospital?

Sounds to me like your MIL should only be allowed supervised contact - at least until your DS has a 'proper' diagnosis which she cannot ignore.