My DS prefers our nanny!

[emmyloo2]

Hello, I have a 21 month old DS and work full time as does my husband. He is looked after my my Mum two days and then my MIL 1 full day and 2 half days and then our lovely nanny two half days. The last month or so he has really started to develop his language and personality and is generally in a much better mood! The thing is, I feel like he prefers our nanny to me. I am home in the morning when she arrives and am getting ready for work and often he will go to her and give her a cuddle but won't give me one. This morning he bumped his head and I kissed it better then he ran to her for a cuddle. I love our nanny and she is always telling him to give me a hug but it makes me feel like I am being punished for working. I don't work long hours (9am to 5pm) and I put him to bed every single night and am with him all weekend.

She is younger and more fun than me so maybe that's it? Is it normal? He does the same thing with my DH (except he also asks for me instead of DH so he gets shafted doubly!) I love that he loves our nanny and she is fantastic with him but I can't help thinking if i was home full time with him he would love me most! (that sounds so selfish and needy I know - I can't help it). My underlying guilt plays a role as well.

I should add - he isn't the same with his grandmas, who he also loves. He will cling to me and cry when I leave with he is with them. It's just the nanny. He also cries when my MIL takes over from the nanny and she has to leave.

Any advice?
Thanks!

Guilt can make you see things that aren't actually there. I mean, i'm sure he does love his nanny, but i think you're over-analysing and overlooking all the times you do get lovely kisses and cuddles from him. When he's ill? When he's tired? When he's hurt himself?

I empathise as i've been through a few phases like this with my DS, who is the same age. I also work FT and he goes to a CM. I remember a few months back driving home from hers in floods of tears because he'd clung to her and didn't want to leave. It passed and it had coincided with her having had a holiday - i think he'd missed her, even though we'd had a fabulous week together! He reserves his best, most beautiful smiles and cuddles for me.

Your DS is now forming healthy, loving relationships with other people and it's part of him becoming a little individual and gaining independence. He's secure in your love and feels safe, which allows him to love other people too without fear. You should be congratulating yourself!

My baby is growing into such a wonderful, happy, loving, outgoing little boy. I suspect that's what yours is doing. Focus on the special times you have together and always makes sure you book regular days off to spend together and look forward to.

Oh, and i've heard that little boys always love their mummies the best

Kids go through flavour of the month stages, my son had a couple of months where he wouldn't let me do anything, all had to be Daddy but it soon changes.

So this little boy has 5 people he knows and loves and wants to cuddle and they love him back?
I think you are doing a great job of making him feel that he is secure and loved. However you will always be his fixer and problem-solver as the years go by, his first port in a storm. I worked ft when my ds was small, and my mum had him all day. Loved her to bits and used to slip up and call me gran, always hugged and kissed her first. But I'm still first for him in his heart.
Until a prospective partner turns up.

I have no experience in this as DD is only 7 months but aside from what other posters have said, does your DS go to his grandmas' houses to be cared for by them? I'm wondering if it's a security thing, because he gets to stay at home with her.

Thanks everyone! I cannot tell you how much better I feel having read this. He is such a happy little thing and is (obviously in my eyes!) very special. He is actually incredibly lucky because he has two sets of grandparents who dote on him, particularly my DM and MIL. I think my DM loves him more than me! He kisses and hugs me all the time and it's me he calls out for in the morning when he wants to get out of bed. It's just recently he is adoring his nanny. I actually love that he does because she loves him so much and I can see she is really starting to become quite attached to him which is what I always wanted. I am not a jealous person at all but this morning when he hugged her and wouldn't hug me, it did hurt!

He is looked after by his grandmas at our house as well but I think it's more of a case of our nanny is young (she is 19) and takes him to gymbaroo and the zoo and all sorts of fun things. She is a professional child care worker so she is great with games and stuff. I am less fun I suspect and I know he adores me and my DH but it's hard not to worry that I am letting him down by not being there with him every day. I am trying to do activities on the weekend with him now, like swimming lessons and other fun stuff so that I don't feel like I am missing out on it all.

I should say - he got sick recently and had to spend a night in hospital and I stayed with him and he wouldn't sleep other than in my arms for about a week. So I should stop worrying! Mother's guilt though!!

It's normal to feel guilty for not being there in his daily life and a bit jealous of the time he spends with her, every working mum feels like that at one time or another. However, it's important to remember that his love for you isn't diluted by his love for others. His strong relationship with her teaches him how to build positive relationships outside of the family and builds his self esteem. You should pat yourself on the back for choosing someone he feels happy and secure with. His relationship with her does not diminish your importance as his mum nor does it lessen his love for you so don't feel you have to emulate her style. No-one can ever take your place. Don't put pressure on yourself to do lots of activities to compensate for lost time, remember the simplest of activities such as bathtime or bedtime stories can provide wonderful bonding opportunities. It sounds like you have a strong bond with him anyway so be kinder to yourself. You have a happy little boy who has lots of people to love and who love him.