do you follow a parenting 'philosophy' or book, or just wing it?

[Kveta]

DH and I have pretty much made it up as we've gone along, doing whatever suits us and our children at the time. we have done whatever has seemd necessary to enable us to get some sleep, basically.

I have read some books, but tend to, well, just read them, unless specifically searching for a solution to a problem ways to get DS to bloody well SLEEP

however, a friend recently asked me why we had chosen attachment parenting, which was a bit so I read up on it and realised we do some AP stuff, inadvertantly (but not totally - our DC hear the word 'no' a lot, and older one was moved to his own bed at 20 months when we had space for it). I also through the local LLL group, joined a natural parenting facebook page and swiftly realised that it wasn't for me with loads of mums choosing to follow AP, or unconditional parenting (?), or some other book they've read/philosophy they've learned. they take it INCREDIBLY seriously too. (I was a bit disappointed to realise LLL was so AP focused too, having thought it was solely mother-mother breastfeeding support.)

equally, a family member has followed, to the letter, a certain routine-led guide, and swears by it, calling me a hippy for not following it.

just wondered if anyone has found themselves following someone else's parenting theories, and if so, why? or did you find your own way? or mixture of both? and how much was your focus on just getting some sleep?

I just wing it now - hoping consistency is the key. When dd was tiny, i used the baby whisperer - the techniques worked a treat for us, and helped keep me sane.

and my focus was keeping me sane and getting sleep with a very intense baby who went from 0 to 60 screaming after about 3 seconds of being put down.

Totally wing it!

I suppose I lean towards more AP than GF style but that's more out of laziness (co-sleeping = actually getting sleep, EBFing = not having to get out of bed) and my DC definitely hear 'no' frequently in the case of DS
Having said that, they were both totally different babies - DD had no routine and was completely chilled out about being anywhere at any time but refused to sleep anywhere except glued to me/my boob.

DS found a routine immediately from birth, which he stuck to until recently as he's dropped his morning nap (sob!) and got the absolute hump if he wasn't at home for bed at those times. He is a dream sleeper and has been able to self settle since well before he was 1 and slept through at 2 weeks.
I'm hoping DC3 will have the best traits from both and not the worst ones! (although the good bits must be down to my parenting skills and the bad bits nature!)

wing it. No set plan, no book reading other then to deal with very specific issues. Never even thought about reading up before ds arrived either. Mind you, I found with having mn if you have specific questions you can ask about them without having to wander too far into the world of specific approaches for parenting. Which really suits me.

Just one piece of advice: there will always be someone who is happy to criticise for you not following a specific approach. Some more vocally then others.

Wing it. Another way sounds far too stressful.

I wing it too but was surprised to read that quite a few things I strive to do might be described as AP. I opt for the easiest way that works for us, end of. Of course DD is only 7 months so this might return to bite me in the ass. The only books I've read are 2 BLW books so not really parenting type books.

I followed my gut instincts. This proved to be right when I diagnosed one of mine with a hearing problem and was told not to fuss by the medicals! Two years later grommets were needed. All my kids turned out OK.

My sister told me to always do what I thought best 'cos by the time they get to teenagers whatever you've done they'll tell you you got it wrong

ha, I was the same with DS lou - off to the ENT clinic again on monday, after fighting the GP for a referral.

glad I'm not alone in winging it.

maybe we should write a parenting guide.

'just follow your instincts and don't be an idiot'

a pamphlet more than a book, maybe?!

Like rthe idea of the pamphlet, Kveta. What about titling it KEEP CALM AND ROLE MODEL.

I am interested in the Adlerian type of parenting nowadays though. Very basically its about ALL in the house helping to make decisions and taking responsibility for certain areas. (good life skills taught there). I love the idea of a weekly meeting around a table to make decisions for the following week.

This time round with dd3 ( now nearly 5 months) my mantra has been ' do whatever feels right at the time!' I have carried her around far, far more, she goes in my sling and loves it. I would never have used a sling the first two times not really sure why!! She slept with me for two months and I have also breastfed for longer, mainly because I have had to, didnt intend to carry on,I must confess! (I did for a while with dd1 but wasn't comfortable out and about)Dd3 was recently diagnosed with a milk protein intolerance so doing dairy free diet for now. But it's going ok, and i manage fine. This baby is the most chilled out one I have had yet! she sleeps well at night, naps and smiles all the time despite a very miserable start for her. I followed a fairly set routine with dd's 1+2 sort of wish I hadn't now. They are fine and I am as close to them as dd3 but I think I spent too much time faffing with, naps must be at this time, bedtime at blah blah time and worrying about when to wean. Couldn't give a monkeys now! Yet dd3 is ALWAYS in bed by 8/9 at the latest by her own choosing, she snuffles and fidgets and pushes herself back until i lay her in bed then sleeps like a log until next guzzling sesh. I would like to try BLW as it makes sense especially when you have a few dcs. Has anyone had a go at it? I definitely am not an AP mum but still a nurturing one, with rules heh heh.

'Keep calm and carry the baby.

Or don't carry the baby. Do what seems right to you. It'll probably all be ok'

We have winged it, but having read up on lots of philosophies I have found that we have accidentally leaned more toward AP too. My friend recommended Gina Ford and has very successfully raised a lovely little girl following the routine but it just wasn't for me at all. Now that DD is one and I am a bit more confident I am just going to follow my instincts and trust them. The hardest thing is coping with well meaning family members who tell you what to do, but I am getting better at (politely) telling them to bog off too!

I've winged it with all of mine, DS1 never had a routine and was the least settled of them. Having to do the school run imposed a routine on DS2 and he thrived on it - he hated the lack of routine at weekends and holidays (turns out he has aspergers and still sticks to his morning routine at 14) DS3 had the same - school runs at set times meant everything else kind of slotted in to a routine. He was a bit more flexible though. I try to stick to positive parenting theories most of the time but don't always manage it. He does have a set bedtime and getting up time, though as our next door neighbour has just come home from holiday and it's the first time he's seen her in three weeks (we were away a week and then they went for 2 weeks) we've let him stay up a bit later. DS3 had fairly set nap times as a baby as that is what worked for him. When people told me I was making a rod for my own back by "pandering to his demands" I would politely say "I'll deal with it if or when it happens".

I wing it, the books are great in theory but hard to put in to practise if the methods dont feel natural to you.

Interesting that most who 'wing it' seem to lean towards 'attachment parenting'. Perhaps this is what our instincts prompt us to do.

Another winger here (but then I tend to wing everything...). Think I too tend to lean towards AP but with a much heftier dose of discipline and NO! thrown in. The AP bits (sling, co-sleeping, BFing) work well but are mostly accidental rather than consciously intentional (buggy a pain on buses and in local shops with steps and narrow doorways, can't be arsed to get up to put DC back in own cot after feed and anyway, haven't yet got curtains for 6m DS's room, CBA with bottle faff plus DD had severe reflux, DS has milk protein intolerance so BFing just easier).

The non-AP stuff doesn't work so well but then not many 3yos like the word no, and nothing else works either!

Btw, we did BLW with DD. she's the fussiest eater imaginable and won't touch sauces/wet food. Plus it was a real pain steaming veg just before consumption & taking out. Purée all the way with DC2!

I've read a lot of parenting books but I just take the ideas I like and ignore the rest so I don't think I'd be doing anything differently had I not read the books. I suppose that means I'm winging it, I've always followed my instincts and I've ended up AP as well. It's nice to read about scientific studies that back up what I'm doing though

Some people do get oddly zealous about certain books or methods, I have no idea why.

I did a mixture of purees and finger foods with DD1 and couldn't be arsed did BLW with DD2. DD1 is a fussy bugger and DD2 will scarf down anything but I think it's just their personalities.

Kveta, you should chat to your local LLL leader about the AP thing, there are all kinds of parents at the LLL groups I go to- it's a breastfeeding group and no one should be feeling left out for not parenting a certain way.

Can't be arsed with the parenting books, though I'm sure some of them have some good tips. I think it's best to follow your own instincts and beliefs, whatever feels right for you plus listen to other people who have experience. Used to quite like Supernanny before she became too ubiquitous (like Jamie Oliver), she did have some good tips.

We winged it until I stumbled across a Gina Ford routine and realised it was exactly what we were already doing!! So I'm using that as a rough guideline on how much/when to feed and about how long she needs to nap for and she is absolutely thriving - I understand it's not for everyone and I don't think I ever would have forced her into a set routine, but the way she is just works with the 'Contented Baby' way... And at 9 weeks 3 days she has been sleeping through the night without a feed for between 7-12 hours every night except for the 2 nights after her first set of jabs since 6 weeks 4 days!!

Eau I will do - having a meeting soon to discuss leader training, so I will need to bring it up!!

I should have said too, DS (DC1) has always been, um, hard work - DD on the other hand, sleeps brilliantly, and has been managing 6-8 hours at a time overnight, in our bed, at nearly 10 weeks. so I guess our parenting style has bog all to do with it, it's luck of the draw really!