12wks and always wanting held

[sharond101]

My 12week old son always wants held, or full attention if he is on his playmat or in his bouncer chair. he sleeps very little in the daytime so should I need to go to the toilet even a screaming match breaks out. This is complicated even more as for medical reasons he is getting expressed breast milk which means every 3hours I require to express milk which takes about 15mins when I cannot hold him or give him the full attention he is looking for. I can only shower when DH gets home or I need to get up very early when Iam sure he will not waken. Even his pram is a problem as more often than not he wails in there too. He needs to be sat beside someone in the car too. I feel thus tied to him and simple things like brushing my teeth are so difficult. Is this normal/not normal/fixable??? When i say he cries i mean wails so loud and gets really distressed.

Really normal with such a small baby but it would be worth having your GP check him over to see if there's anything causing him discomfort (reflux etc.). Do you have a sling you could put him in so that you at least have your hands free?

My DS was like this, he had reflux/lactose intolerance and colic, but this might not necessarily be the case for your little one, some babies are just higher maintenance than others. Might be worth checking out at the GP though if you are reaching the end of your tether (I cried on my GP a LOT!).

I bought a Moby wrap sling and carried him around all day in it. I was worried I would feel more resentful at never having a break but I actually enjoyed it immensely because he would a) sleep and b) stay quiet when awake so I felt much more relaxed and happy. The warmth and pressure on his stomach helped and he loved being upright. Sometimes I would strip him to his nappy and take my top off (wrap slings cover quite a lot but I had a hoody on hand in case anyone rang the door bell!) and had him skin to skin. I'm smiling just remembering having his little head under my chin where I could kiss him and sniff him any time I wanted. By the time he got to 6 months he was enormously improved and it was all better by the time he was over a year. He is now a galumphing great 3 year old who just climbed over to me and told me I am beautiful.

Thank you. He has silent reflux and colic too and Health visitor suggested he may be in discomfort and so like the contact. I've been using a Babybjorn carrier but Iam very petite and the weight is getting too much for my back.

The moby sling is much better for distributing weight, it sort of spreads it around your body rather than the baby dangling off your front. I'm very overweight/unhealthy and I have some joint problems too (hips, knees and ankles) but I managed to carry DS in the moby sling until he was about six months and he was 9lb 6oz when he was born, so a big boy. Even better there is no material between you and the baby, they are pressed up against you.

I'm sorry to hear your little one has the same problems mine did, its hellish. DS started to get a bit better as soon as we weaned (early, around 20 weeks I think on the advice of the health visitor, GP and paed). Once he didn't have all that liquid food sloshing around inside him he was much happier. I have reflux myself and I know that when I drink too much water at once the pain can be really unpleasant. Once they are sitting up that helps too. We had some success with lifting the end of his cot slightly and when he was particularly bad he slept in one of those baby rocking chairs with his head upright. When I needed a shower I put the chair in the bathroom and sang/talked to him constantly. I carried him around in it so he was always with me when he wasn't in the sling.

I had a little chart in my bedside drawer in which I counted off the days until I could wean him and then again until he was six months. They were dark times and the weeks passed slowly (especially as DD started school the month he was born), but it does pass and they start being a lot more fun.

Thank you. It's easy to think I must be doing something wrong and I feel so terrible when he screams. I put off going to the toilet yesterday for so long my stomach has ached since. He is so adorable and giggles and smiles alot too so it's not all grim. When he is bothered by the colic and wind I feel so helpless. I do feel exhausted too though being tied to him all day is hard work. I carry his bouncer from room to room but after a maximum of 5 minutes of me not holding him he starts to cry again. I feel anxious going out too because his pram brings the same problem. Although he shouldnt go into the pushchair component until he is 6months I tried that yesterday with only slight improvement. I will look at the Moby sling today as my Mum has taken the day off to lend me a hand.

No, you really aren't doing anything wrong, the fact that he is giggling and smiling shows that. Not all babies are the placid gurgling ones from TV adverts! My DD was an angel baby in comparison to DS and I even found her hard, with the responsibility and the guilt and the sleep deprivation. When DS came along I had all that plus his additional needs and it was hard, really hard, especially when no-one elses baby seemed to be so miserable and loud.

Will he be distracted a little by toys? DS had a www.amazon.co.uk/Lamaze-Play-Grow-Jacques-Peacock/dp/B000I2MRLK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1345232106&sr=8-2 and a www.amazon.co.uk/Manhattan-Toy-59701B-Skwish-Classic/dp/B0000A1YXF/ref=sr_1_cc_2?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1345232154&sr=1-2-catcorr and a www.amazon.co.uk/Kitchen-Craft-Colourworks-Silicone-Pastry/dp/B003WOQQZY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1345232183&sr=8-2 (yes really a pastry brush!) that would give me a few minutes break every now and then when he was sitting in his chair.

You have to look after yourself as well, is your DP helping? I got very good at going to the toilet with a baby on my lap, it was easier in the Moby, but when I wasn't wearing it I had a fast technique where I popped him down for a second whilst I pulled my clothes up and down and then lifted him onto my lap while I was sat down. My mum was brilliant and helped me a lot, but it didn't help that I was the only one he would take a bottle from and he liked peace and quiet so I found myself on my own for long periods of time. I found I got an energy burst from Spatone (liquid iron supplement) in orange juice once a day and I just kept slogging on until one day it all started to get better. You mustn't feel bad about him crying in the pram, most people have nothing but sympathy for mothers with wailing babies. I used to put him in the pushchair and push him at top speed around my local park occasionally, walking with purpose deflected any looks/comments and even though he wailed he did often manage to get to sleep. Is there anyway of raising the mattress in the pram a little at one end? The GP said that often DS was picking up on my stress and upset, so I did try to smile at him and keep my voice low and even, but it was so hard when he was bellowing at me and arching in pain in my arms.

I think I spent most of DS's early life in tears, it was horrible, but it doesn't last for ever, it really does end. The little baby who screamed for hours whilst I wept into his hair is now the most brilliant little boy who chatters away at me and crawls into my lap with a big happy sigh.

Also, I don't know what your feelings are on dummies but they helped too. I refused to use one with DD, but the GP recommended one for DS as the sucking helps with the acid. It took me a few weeks to buy and try one but it really did help and he was quieter and more content with it in. He had it for seven months or so and it was a godsend both for DS and myself (until he started throwing them out of the pushchair!)

Thank you so much for all of your reassurances. R2PeePoo I bought him another toy today to add to his collection which has lights and sounds and will order the Swish classic. DP helps too but has chronic backpain so struggles lifting him and holding him for any long period. It thus still feels like Iam "on call" when he has him as when he gets upset I need to retrieve him as DP cannot manoeuvre him to settle him. I've tried raising the pram but he is not long enough to then prevent himfalling below the zip on cover and with this removed he still wailed. He will take a dummy but not as a substitute for being held and just spits it out.

I had two very very clingy babies and I remember learning to do everything with one hand as I was constantly carrying a baby. I found a hip seat really useful as the weight was over my hip rather than pulling on my back and the baby was round to one side so that I could manage more easily. Can't remember what it was called but if you Google baby hip seat it should come up.