I spilt from from my partner 5 years ago after 12yrs together and we have 3 beautiful children, now aged 12, 9 and 7.
I fought against the feelings and opinions of my family to force the issue of 50/50 shared care of our children, and this I know was the right thing to do. It?s a very long story but we both eventually met other people.
Things over the years have not been easy, I have had to make the children on some occasions go to their dad?s, I had no financial help from their father and eventually had to go to the CSA. This wasn?t worth it as the share was 50/50 in the eyes of the CSA and I received £5 per week, but the costs on his front were never shared. I brought all school uniforms, paid for trips. The list is endless.
To cut a long story short, I travel abroad with work sometimes and my ex-partner did not have parental responsibility for our eldest 2 children, he asked me to go to court with him and sign the papers just in case something happened to the children whilst I was away. My eldest was 11 at the time. I went to court with him and signed the papers as requested.
The forms came from the courts in June 2011 and in July 2011 my eldest daughter announced she didn't want to live with me at all anymore. As you can understand I was devastated and tried to get dad to work with me to get her to keep things as they are, however he protested that he needs to respect her feelings and would try to talk to her. Within a month I received a letter from DWP stating that I can no longer receive the child benefit for my eldest daughter as dad was now claiming it. Not longer after that I received a letter from the CSA stating I had to pay £50 per week.
This really didn?t feel like a father encouraging his daughter to come back to her mum.
The youngest 2 children then refused to go to their fathers and things became very strained, I eventually convinced them to go back, however when I contacted their father he refused to have them back unless I shared all benefits I got with him (of which I get none as I work full time). I decided to go to see a solicitor to get help,and I was told that I could try to take it to court to get my daughter back but would it would be very costly and because she was 11 she can decide where to live. I just can?t afford to do it.
My ex?s family have got in touch with me to ask to see the youngest 2; I have of course let them as they are family. However once their father found out he has stopped all contact for them with my eldest daughter. she now has no contact with any of my family and none of his now. I'm very worried as this is not healthy. I've been to her high school,a milestone in her life that I missed, and was told that she is happy and doing well at school.
I feel lost without her and the house is not the same; I have tried writing her letters and have received one back which was very hurtful, saying things that a 12 year old would not say.
I just don't know which was to turn.