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Parenting

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Original poster

3yo and 11month old not getting on, please help!

9 replies

BelinaTheChicken · 15/08/2012 08:02

When DS2 was first born DS1 was fine with him, a few teething issues, but generally ok, would take toys to him in his bouncy chair etc. Now DS2 is 11 months, on the move and into everything and it is causing problems with their relationship. DH took DS1 swimming the other day, and when they went to get DS2, DS1 wasn't happy, shouting 'no' and not wanting him to be picked up, told DH he doesn't love him (DS2, not DH)

How do I help sort out their relationship? I can see where DS1 is coming from, it's hard for him as DS2 is constantly 'spoiling' his games, but we have a very small house so it is hard to seperate them to allow DS1 to play with his big toys (like brio or duplo, at them moment we can't get them out without DS2 pulling apart whatever DS1 has built). We do have a play pen, but he hates it. Any ideas? I'm sure it is just a phase, but it makes me so sad

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purplewithred · 15/08/2012 08:08

If DS2 is seen to be allowed to wreck DS1's enjoyment then DS1 is going to be pretty hacked off. How would you feel if DH not only got a DW2 but let her mess with your clothes and makeup because she cried if he didn't?

Put DS2 in the playpen, or let DS1 have the playpen as a safe place, or make special time for DS1 to have DS2-free play, or something.

Because it might not just be a phase. Not all siblings grow up liking each other.

RillaBlythe · 15/08/2012 08:12

Hard isn't it. However I tell dd1 that if she is playing with it on the floor she has to expect dd2 to pull it apart, she can play on the table/in her room if she doesn't want that to happen.

Original poster

BelinaTheChicken · 15/08/2012 08:15

I'd be pretty pissed off! That's why at the moment he only gets the bigger toys out when DS2 is napping. Problem with the playpen is that DS2 screams, which DS1 hates nearly as much as the toy wrecking.

DS1 in the playpen could work, I'll try this morning

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Original poster

BelinaTheChicken · 15/08/2012 08:28

Rilla DS1's bedroom is too small to play in, but we have a conservatory which he can use in certain conditions and I put a stair gate between them, but it's too hot at the moment, even completely naked he can't be in there for more than 5 minutes. Once it starts cooling off it will be a bit easier

They play quite nicely on the beach when there is loads of space, and I don't have anything to do other than stop DS2 trashing things! It's harder when I've got housework to do

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HandMadeTail · 15/08/2012 08:34

What if your DH brought home a new wife, and said "I love her, and I know you'll grow to love her too!" How would you feel?

This is how DS1 has felt about DS2, since he was born.

Try reading Siblings Without Rivalry. I have found it very useful, although DD1 (13) and DD2 (11) still argue like a cat and dog. (Not to mention when DS (8) starts in......

HandMadeTail · 15/08/2012 08:36

Sorry, x post about second wife bit.

tumbletumble · 15/08/2012 08:50

As everyone else has said, it's hard isn't it?

I don't think the solution is sticking DS2 in the playpen. He is at an age when he wants to explore and find his own independence.

Personally, I find it helps when I accept in my own mind that this is a phase when they need more input from me than usual and can't just be left to play nicely together. If you do need to do housework, could you take DS2 with you and let him 'help'? I know your chores will take longer that way, but at least it prevents world war 3 breaking out! Or maybe all three of you could do the housework together and then have playtime together (with you present to distract DS2 when necessary)?

Original poster

BelinaTheChicken · 15/08/2012 09:40

tumble thats funny you said that, as I've just had DS1 putting the washing on, and then he helped make DS2's bottle up, could tell he felt really proud! I tried DS2 in the playpen, and he lasted about 5 mins before crying so much that DS1 cried with him. DS1 is playing with the brio, and I am wrestling with DS2. Would be so much easier if he took a morning nap!

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lovechoc · 15/08/2012 19:30

My two DC are like this. Once DS2 was on the move, DS1 had a lot of opinions about DS2 wrecking all his toys/games. It can get messy within minutes! Gone are the days when we used to sit down and do jigsaws together...

I find myself a nervous wreck for most of the day actually, just playing referee. It is bloody hard work and gets you down. Ds1 is 5.4yo and DS2 is 2.1yo. DS2 can be seen constantly crying when they're out playing in the garden together as DS1 has no patience with DS2 and won't understand about sharing.

And as someone else has already mentioned, it could just be a clash of personalities and not all siblings will get along. I really do hope it's just a phase with my two though, and that they get along as they get older....

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