Shy 6 year old

[Polygon]

My dd will be seven in November. She is very shy getting to know children and will still not go to a birthday party and a playdate without me or dh. She cried on the first day of school after the holidays even though she has the same teacher as last year and same class. The teacher is lovely and very motherly but dd was too shy to go in without me and dh. Yesterday we got to a birthday party and she just cried and clung to my leg and I had to stay through the whole party. I started by explaining to her that I couldn´t stay because the party was just for children and I would get in the way. I also explained that if she now left the party, the child whose birthday it was would be disappointed. After all, it was dd who had said she wanted to go to the party (I could understand it if I had decided she should go without asking her if she wanted to). In the end, I did stay at the party and dd was really sullen through the whole thing, just being too nervous to smile or answer simple questions the child´s parents asked ("Would you like a piece of pizza?"). I tried to explain to her that a birthday was a happy thing and it would make it much nicer for her friend if she was cheerful. To no avail.
At birthday parties where she knows the parents and trusts them, it´s completely different. She is the leader of the gang and life and soul of the party. But, now she´s nearly seven and has invitations from lots of children in her class, I can´t expect that all other parents spend hours of "getting to know my dd" before she goes to their house. She refuses to go for playdates at other people´s houses where she doesn´t know the parents well. But, now she´s nearly 7, the other parents are usually too busy to come and spend hours in playdates at our house so that dd can size them up.
I think probably we just have to keep explaining to parents that "dd would love to come but only feels comfortable if I am there too. Do you mind me and ds (younger brother) coming along too?" and wait it out. Just most people can´t believe that a 6 year old could make so much fuss and really don´t want to entertain a whole family. Hopefully by the time she´s 35, I won´t have to come everywhere with her!
What would you do? How can I help dd be bolder?

DS had a mate who was like that, he outgrew it around 8yo.

Ds1 is 4.5 and shy. He won't talk in front of people he doesn't know. Last week he was stung by a wasp and didn't make a sound, just looked at me in panic, because we had friends round. Like your dd he can be leader of the gang in other situations like nursery.

I have found he is better if I don't put pressure on him to perform happy. Before we go to new places or parties we talk about strategies, what he wants me to do etc. At a big party I'd sit in the corner, let him work his way up to playing with the others. I know your dd is nearly 7, but do you think her worry that you will leave her makrs it harder? I mean, she knows you will leave if she's ok, so she makes sure she's not ok. Perhaps if she knew you would stay whatever, she'd be able to relax and open up a bit more?

Thanks both. I think you´re right, MamaChocoholic, that she´s always waiting for me to leave. Yesterday she was invited to another little birthday party (only two kids invited, picnic in the park). I phoned the mum and asked if it was ok for me to come along. It was clear from the beginning that I would be there all the time. Afterwards she said that actually she would have been fine on her own. I think your point is spot on, that it´s the threat of me leaving which is the problem. Playing with the children is fine (actually fun!). Also I am going to stop giving her pep talks about being happy!