arguements and 1st babies

[MySonIsMyWorld]

OK so...... does everyone argue after having there first child? or is my dp a dick? x

We fight a lot The first week or so was all glowing and 'wow', and then the tiredness kicked in and we started bickering. 6 months in and we are still bickering a lot. But I suppose it depends what you are arguing about?

Everything and anything - my ds is 15 months now and we dont argue like we used to but im just worried it was just us haha x

me and dp are arguing
and im only 20 weeks preg
its a lot of stress
and hormones dont help!

Lack of sleep doesn't tend to make anyone easy to get along with. When you are both shattered, that's only going to make it worse.

Absolutely insane arguments. Just crazy. I imagine ot the same after second child because you're both a bit more certian about what's going on.

I think I get annoyed at the fact that he is able to do things that I just cant and that causes arguments. For example, at night, he can ignore her cries and continue to sleep. He continues to do things that he wants and does not feel guilty about leaving me holding the baby. He can come in after not seeing our dd all day and doesn't have that 'I need to hug by baby' thing. He will make himself a sandwich and it doesnt even occur to him to make one for his daughter (and he then gets annoyed when she wants some). He still puts himself first and harbours no guilt about it.
Having said all of that, he is a lovely dad and has many good qualities. I think he could probably write a list of his own about me to be fair!

Tiredness is a large part of it I think.

Tiredness and being scared of doing it wrong is a killer

We argued a lot when our first dc hit about a year old. I think things had been fine up until then but she got to an age where we felt like we had to actually 'parent' her and realised we had different ideas of parenting! he's been far more laid back we've had far fewer arguments about dd2 .

It does depend what you argue about though and if you feel it is that you're just sleep deprived or finding your way with the whole having a baby lark, that kind of stuff will pass but if it's bigger than that then you need to be thinking about what is best for you and what is best for your dc.

DH and I had an all out row yesterday over a pair of jeans. DD is 7mo and though she is perfect and we are handling parenthood well, there are just little niggles and stressess that used to be ignorable that lack of sleep and parental responsibility make totally row-worthy.

I hope think it's normal.

Oh god we've argued loads already and I'm 21 weeks. I've had terrible bouts of hormonal rage and then crying.

I'm so worried about how much we're going to row once the baby comes in December that I've booked us a "starter" session at a relationship councillor. Probably sounds a bit mental considering we've only been married a fortnight but I'd like us to work out some coping strategies before the storm hits...

I get seriously ratty on sleep deprivation. I am still in awe at how well DH put up with me and just absorbed so much of the unreasonable irritability.

I both of you suffer from sleep deprivation it is very, very hard. But if you can both acknowledge that there are external pressures which will pass then it becomes a little bit more bearable.

Aww cakebump I hope you're feeling a lot better come December and the counselling is totally unnecessary!

Cake bump i hope things improve try not to stress out about it!!

Roll on to the days of peace and quiet and no arguements! x

Things have settled down a lot actually, the first 12 weeks were the worst!

But I just feel like when we row we don't row very constructively iyswim. It drags on and on and I feel like by the end we just sweep stuff under the carpet in order to get on with our lives. So its not that I think we have a bad relationship, we're just not very good at resolving our differences....

Thanks for the kind messages x

I contemplated leaving DH and DS to it, just walking out and never coming back. That was when he was only a few days old. It was a fleeting thought that soon passed. We were utterly shit to one another at various points in those early weeks - usually disagreements about What DS Needed (i.e. tough love, cuddles, closeness, flexibility, or routine etc). It can be tough finding your way through together, but it does get better over time when the sleep deprivation improves and you're no longer sleeping in separate beds because one of you has to get up early etc. Eventually you learn to compromise and communicate again. It's because you've gone from only having to please each other/ yourselves to putting a third person ahead of both your desires. It takes some adjustment and even then there will be times when you'll feel like killing each other

DH and I fight far more since we had DDs than before. Children are stressful, no sleep, responsibility, worry, knowing that you can't just walk away. Different opinions on how you deal with them.

DH and I were together for 10 years before we had DD1 thats a long time to fall into contented coupledom.

DD1 is 14 so we've had even longer to get used to being parents, but we're never going to be perfect at it!

I think the important thing is to remember why you are a couple and that you are stronger and happier together than apart.
If you can spend time together with out the DCs it's great even if like us it's one night a year and the very odd meal out. Ensuring both parents get time alone while the other looks after the DCs is also vital. If DH usually works he needs to know he can look after the child. You need to trust him to and go and do something without worrying.

If your not then its time to worry.

I think before you have a child you have a lot of time to connect and notice each other, and it's easily taken for granted. Then after you have a child all of a sudden most of your day is taken up with practical matters and without noticing it you stop nourishing the relationship with time for each other, talking (about non-practical stuff), cuddling etc. I think it takes a toll and therefore becomes much more important to consciously make time for each other every day to connect on an emotional level. I have definitely noticed a correlation in my own relationship between lack of connection and increased level of bickering/arguments.

Ohhh yes.

We hardly ever argued before we had DCs. Once DS arrived we didn't know what had hit us.

I think 1 - 15 months was the worst time for me and DH, don't know why. Maybe we started to realise how tired we were by then? Talk talk and talk again is my advice.